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#1239074 - 08/26/09 11:06 AM Question for the Guys
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I am just curious, I sent myself some flowers, simply because I wanted some fresh flowers for my desk. When I told my fiance, he was like "why didn't you tell me? I would have sent you flowers"; I went shopping last weekend and bought 2 new suits, and when I got home he said "why didn't you tell me, I would have bought them!" And he does the same thing if I buy myself a piece of jewelry or a new watch.

I know it is awfully sweet and he is always very generous, but I work for my money and like to reward myself. I am whimsical, if I see something I like, I'll buy it, I don't think that 'this could have been a gift from him'.

So, last night he gave me a check and said, "let me buy those suits for your birthday." I don't want to take his money, then he gets all annoyed. frown

Do you guys feel the same way if your SO goes and buys things for herself?
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#1239092 - 08/26/09 12:25 PM Re: Question for the Guys Retired DQ
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what's a SO? smirk
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#1239094 - 08/26/09 12:25 PM Re: Question for the Guys A_G
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Not prison
it's kind of like a MOMMLE.
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#1239096 - 08/26/09 12:26 PM Re: Question for the Guys kitten
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Not prison
oops, i mean MOML.
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#1239098 - 08/26/09 12:27 PM Re: Question for the Guys kitten
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Significant Other, in my case, fiance.
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#1239099 - 08/26/09 12:28 PM Re: Question for the Guys Retired DQ
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Thanks for the reminder, lest we forget.
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#1239100 - 08/26/09 12:28 PM Re: Question for the Guys A_G
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::slaps Audit Gay::
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#1239101 - 08/26/09 12:29 PM Re: Question for the Guys A_G
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Well I'd write a check to peej's daughter if we were in the same situation.
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#1239102 - 08/26/09 12:29 PM Re: Question for the Guys Retired DQ
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It's the typical masculine desire to provide for the ones you love. And in a man's mind giving you the money you spent on the suits is virtually the same as buying the suits.

I do this all the time for my wife (the "I would have bought that for you," not writing the check- she keeps those) and I know that I should do better to surprise her, but I'm not one to learn easily.

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#1239104 - 08/26/09 12:31 PM Re: Question for the Guys Buccs
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I think (I know) it is my desire to demonstrate my independence underlying all this.
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#1239105 - 08/26/09 12:31 PM Re: Question for the Guys Retired DQ
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^^^feminist^^^



::cue Destiny Child song::
Last edited by A G; 08/26/09 12:32 PM.
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#1239106 - 08/26/09 12:32 PM Re: Question for the Guys A_G
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<<<<---- feminist smile
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#1239107 - 08/26/09 12:34 PM Re: Question for the Guys A_G
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The Land of Tax Free Shopping!
The last two women I dated mistook me for an ATM, so I had to cut them off. I wouldn't mind a little 50/50 cooperation with someone I was involved with.
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#1239109 - 08/26/09 12:38 PM Re: Question for the Guys FBH
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Part of it may be him not recognizing your needs/wants, then feeling bad when you buy them for yourself...maybe he thought you buying yourself flowers was a way of telling him he should have...
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#1239111 - 08/26/09 12:38 PM Re: Question for the Guys TB 12
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^^^watches Dr Phil^^^
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#1239113 - 08/26/09 12:40 PM Re: Question for the Guys TB 12
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Originally Posted By: Sox in 07
Part of it may be him not recognizing your needs/wants, then feeling bad when you buy them for yourself...maybe he thought you buying yourself flowers was a way of telling him he should have...


Winner!

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#1239115 - 08/26/09 12:42 PM Re: Question for the Guys A_G
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Originally Posted By: A G
^^^watches Dr Phil^^^


nope-has been married for 16 years and still misses the signs..... laugh
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#1239118 - 08/26/09 12:45 PM Re: Question for the Guys Buccs
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I guess you are right, but, he shouldn't feel bad and I don't want him to feel bad, and we already agreed to not buy each other b-day gifts, then he goes and does this. frown
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#1239213 - 08/26/09 01:51 PM Re: Question for the Guys Retired DQ
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Take the money and buy hair extensions
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#1239235 - 08/26/09 02:04 PM Re: Question for the Guys Peepers
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^^^^^ ROTFLMAO - You people just crack me up. I almost snorted Pepsi thru my nose!

Female here - I would hate to have that check. It's just odd having that. You wanted something, you bought yourself something, end of story.

If it were me I would just say why don't we use this money and go out for a wonderful meal this weekend.
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#1239248 - 08/26/09 02:07 PM Re: Question for the Guys Peepers
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out of the frying pan...
Deek, I don't think your issue is uncommon in two-income households. I've finally got mine about trained that while I don't necessarily need him to buy things for me, doing things (fixing stuff, building things, helping with the heavy chores) for me without me having to ask is much better anyway. He now teases me that since I didn't marry him for his money, I must have married him because he can "fix $#!t and lift heavy stuff." I then remind him about reaching things I'm too short to get myself. grin
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#1239288 - 08/26/09 02:25 PM Re: Question for the Guys RR Becca
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Oh now that's funny Becca. smile
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#1239302 - 08/26/09 02:29 PM Re: Question for the Guys RR Jen
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LOL @ the ladies... Gotta work on that man...
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#1239304 - 08/26/09 02:29 PM Re: Question for the Guys HRH Okie Banker
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Originally Posted By: Okie Banker

If it were me I would just say why don't we use this money and go out for a wonderful meal this weekend.


I think that's what I am going to do.
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#1239335 - 08/26/09 02:41 PM Re: Question for the Guys RR Becca
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What means love to you may be different to him. You need to recognize the other person's language before you can speak it.

Get the book The Five Love Languages, read it and then give it to you SO/Spouse to read. Then talk about it. It's a short but informative book that will help each of you know what to do to make the other person feel loved.

Me, I'm all about the gifts. Periodically I'll remind MOML that it's been a long time since he got me flowers. I didn't feel less independent when I accepted his offer to buy the tickets for me and the three grangirls to see The Lion King.

His love language is time not gifts. I can buy him tons of stuff and get nothing but a perfunctory 'oh, thanks'. But if I make a point out of spending time just sitting and listening to him, maybe taking him to dinner, he is vocal about how he appreciates it and how it makes him know I care.

Becca, it sounds like your love language is 'acts of service'. My daughter is like that. She considers it an act of love if her husband washes the dishes after dinner so she doesn't have to.


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