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#1239336 - 08/26/09 02:41 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Retired DQ
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Any where but work
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Have to chime in been married for 29 years and can probably count on my fingers the actual times he has shopped and bought me a gift unprompted. I did not marry him for his gift giving abilities, he knows that. It has always been a quiet joke between us, that I shop and he does not. When I come home from town he says can I see what I bought you. My daughter laughs about the time they went to Wally World on my B-day to get some stuff and he would have come home with nothing except she was there to remind him to get some flowers. His dad is the exact opposite, showers his wife with gifts and love notes.
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#1239347 - 08/26/09 02:46 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Truffle Royale
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I've read the book, it is good.
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#1239412 - 08/26/09 03:12 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
RR Jen
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out of the frying pan...
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Truffle - I'm definitely a "service" person. Gifts embarrass me somewhat, and I don't like surprises at all. The hubby and I actually have it pretty well worked out: I'm a "service" and he's a "time." Though I have some "time" tendencies and he has some "gift."
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#1239482 - 08/26/09 03:58 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
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I am just curious, I sent myself some flowers, simply because I wanted some fresh flowers for my desk. When I told my fiance, he was like "why didn't you tell me? I would have sent you flowers"; I went shopping last weekend and bought 2 new suits, and when I got home he said "why didn't you tell me, I would have bought them!" And he does the same thing if I buy myself a piece of jewelry or a new watch. I know it is awfully sweet and he is always very generous, but I work for my money and like to reward myself. I am whimsical, if I see something I like, I'll buy it, I don't think that 'this could have been a gift from him'. So, last night he gave me a check and said, "let me buy those suits for your birthday." I don't want to take his money, then he gets all annoyed.  Do you guys feel the same way if your SO goes and buys things for herself? I don't know how well I can speak for my guy, but honestly I don't think it's ever been an issue for him if I do or buy things for myself. He's always said that my independence is something he loves best about me; I'm not the type to ask much from anyone else. It used to be more of an issue that I would do or give something for him without being asked. I probably have the same spontaneous/whimsical tendency that you do, not to wait when I see something I want. But maybe it would be helpful for your fiance when you have an idea for yourself to try dropping a hint before acting on it? I might ask him something like, "What kind of flowers should I get for my desk?" You're not asking for anything more than his opinion, but he gets an idea about what you'd like; and let him take the opportunity if he offers to pay. 
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#1239529 - 08/26/09 04:29 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Becka Marr
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Joined: Feb 2002
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USA
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My husband is the "take care of" type. That can be driving me somewhere, carrying my purse (yes), cooking for me, or buying/paying for something I want.
Generally, he is not the clothes, flowers, jewelry shopper, but if it is technology, he's right in there.
I had to decide that allowing him to "do" for me, in no way impacted my feminist side. I know what I can do, so it isn't an issue (well hardly ever). After 39 years, I have finally recognized that it makes him so happy to "do" for me, that I joyfully and gratefully accept it.
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#1239550 - 08/26/09 04:44 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Buccs
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Posts: 4,132
Somewhere in the middle
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Part of it may be him not recognizing your needs/wants, then feeling bad when you buy them for yourself...maybe he thought you buying yourself flowers was a way of telling him he should have... Winner! Vote number 2.
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#1239706 - 08/26/09 06:38 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
DD Regs
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The Swamp
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some of ya'll are VERY VERY lucky and I hope you know it! As for me... (fixing stuff, building things, helping with the heavy chores) for me without me having to ask is much better anyway. I really do need to hire one of these!  But add "cook things" to the mix!
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#1239828 - 08/26/09 08:02 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
RR Joker
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middle of the country
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After 39 years of marriage we agree that if I want flowers (or new clothes or whatever) I just go buy them myself. Not to say that he doesn't buy me gifts, he does but I don't expect him to "know what I want when I want it" most of the time. Nearly every week when I shop for groceries I pick up flowers for the house, make me feel good and that's all that matters. Truff is right, the "language of love" differs in each of us and it takes time to read each others language. Maybe it's just cause I'm getting older than dirt but I am more independent now days. And I don't think he minds most of the time, cause I give him the freedom to do the same. Age does have it's advantages 
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#1240085 - 08/27/09 01:36 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
corkygirl
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I picked flowers out of the garden last night! LOL! Didn't cost a thing, but pretty none the less!
Speaking of independent...oh boy..let's not even go there.
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Say you'll haunt me - Stone Sour
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#1240089 - 08/27/09 01:42 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
RR Joker
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,409
SW GA
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Could be why I'm still single after all of these years - that and the fact that the men I dated all seemed to be a little/lot like my ex. Just finally gave up.
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#1240096 - 08/27/09 01:50 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Bagweaver
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For real! Seems like so many men in So GA are chauvanestic (sp). Can be great guys, but their expectations are unrealistic in today's world! The one exception was maybe the last one...but honestly, he was tooooooo young...but much more suited to me in a lot of other ways, more so than the older ones. AND...he was a heck of a cook and not at all hard to look at!
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Say you'll haunt me - Stone Sour
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#1240102 - 08/27/09 01:55 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
RR Joker
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Posts: 3,760
Running and riding everywhere ...
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Must resist the temptation to comment...
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I don't need any more negativity in my life...be positive and helpful people or I will kick you in the shins!!!
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#1240110 - 08/27/09 02:01 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
RR Jen
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pm, if you must, JLJ. You are now making me curious...and it better not be a Mrs. Robinson joke!  (jk)
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Say you'll haunt me - Stone Sour
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#1240143 - 08/27/09 02:28 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
RR Joker
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What the he** difference does age make??!!! As I told someone recently it's not like when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to be 21. People don't believe I'm as old as I am. If I were with a guy 10 years younger than me, I'd like to think I could keep up and we'd both be happy. That's what it all comes down to. I say go find that good looking, good cookin' younger guy and apologize for letting societal ideas get in the way of the relationship you were enjoying!
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#1240173 - 08/27/09 03:05 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Truffle Royale
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,409
SW GA
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Why is it bad when women are with younger men, but not when men are with younger women?
Agree about the men in S GA!
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#1240244 - 08/27/09 04:02 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Bagweaver
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TN
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BTW - having lived in Georgia for 4 years, yes the men there are fairly chauvanistic and behind the times.
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#1240264 - 08/27/09 04:11 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
RR Becca
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Oh no...it was more along the lines of your alleged obsession with farriers. Pot, meet Kettle.  But...I...wait...cr*p.
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#1240353 - 08/27/09 04:59 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
RR Jen
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Posts: 1,181
Yinzerville, PA
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From this guys perspective, giving you a check for suits that you already bought is strange. If you are broke, or you bought the suits for his functions, I can see it.
I always offered to help my wife pay for things she needed before we got married, and occasionally she would acccept, but I never had a problem when she didn't. Now she buys what she wants, and so do I, we both work.
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#1240383 - 08/27/09 05:28 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Retired DQ
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,559
Foxboro
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should have cashed it and bought a case of Aqua Net
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#1240384 - 08/27/09 05:29 PM
Re: Question for the Guys
Retired DQ
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Next time just use the money to buy matching shoes! or pm me for my bank routing and checking account number and I'll go buy shoes!!!
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