I am just curious, I sent myself some flowers, simply because I wanted some fresh flowers for my desk. When I told my fiance, he was like "why didn't you tell me? I would have sent you flowers"; I went shopping last weekend and bought 2 new suits, and when I got home he said "why didn't you tell me, I would have bought them!" And he does the same thing if I buy myself a piece of jewelry or a new watch.

I know it is awfully sweet and he is always very generous, but I work for my money and like to reward myself. I am whimsical, if I see something I like, I'll buy it, I don't think that 'this could have been a gift from him'.

So, last night he gave me a check and said, "let me buy those suits for your birthday." I don't want to take his money, then he gets all annoyed.

Do you guys feel the same way if your SO goes and buys things for herself?

what's a SO?

it's kind of like a MOMMLE.

oops, i mean MOML.

Significant Other, in my case, fiance.

Thanks for the reminder, lest we forget.

::slaps Audit Gay::

Well I'd write a check to peej's daughter if we were in the same situation.

It's the typical masculine desire to provide for the ones you love. And in a man's mind giving you the money you spent on the suits is virtually the same as buying the suits.

I do this all the time for my wife (the "I would have bought that for you," not writing the check- she keeps those) and I know that I should do better to surprise her, but I'm not one to learn easily.

I think (I know) it is my desire to demonstrate my independence underlying all this.

^^^feminist^^^



::cue Destiny Child song::

<<<<---- feminist

The last two women I dated mistook me for an ATM, so I had to cut them off. I wouldn't mind a little 50/50 cooperation with someone I was involved with.

Part of it may be him not recognizing your needs/wants, then feeling bad when you buy them for yourself...maybe he thought you buying yourself flowers was a way of telling him he should have...

^^^watches Dr Phil^^^

Winner!

nope-has been married for 16 years and still misses the signs.....

I guess you are right, but, he shouldn't feel bad and I don't want him to feel bad, and we already agreed to not buy each other b-day gifts, then he goes and does this.

Take the money and buy hair extensions

^^^^^ ROTFLMAO - You people just crack me up. I almost snorted Pepsi thru my nose!

Female here - I would hate to have that check. It's just odd having that. You wanted something, you bought yourself something, end of story.

If it were me I would just say why don't we use this money and go out for a wonderful meal this weekend.

Deek, I don't think your issue is uncommon in two-income households. I've finally got mine about trained that while I don't necessarily need him to buy things for me, doing things (fixing stuff, building things, helping with the heavy chores) for me without me having to ask is much better anyway. He now teases me that since I didn't marry him for his money, I must have married him because he can "fix $#!t and lift heavy stuff." I then remind him about reaching things I'm too short to get myself.

Oh now that's funny Becca.

LOL @ the ladies... Gotta work on that man...

I think that's what I am going to do.

What means love to you may be different to him. You need to recognize the other person's language before you can speak it.

Get the book The Five Love Languages, read it and then give it to you SO/Spouse to read. Then talk about it. It's a short but informative book that will help each of you know what to do to make the other person feel loved.

Me, I'm all about the gifts. Periodically I'll remind MOML that it's been a long time since he got me flowers. I didn't feel less independent when I accepted his offer to buy the tickets for me and the three grangirls to see The Lion King.

His love language is time not gifts. I can buy him tons of stuff and get nothing but a perfunctory 'oh, thanks'. But if I make a point out of spending time just sitting and listening to him, maybe taking him to dinner, he is vocal about how he appreciates it and how it makes him know I care.

Becca, it sounds like your love language is 'acts of service'. My daughter is like that. She considers it an act of love if her husband washes the dishes after dinner so she doesn't have to.

Have to chime in been married for 29 years and can probably count on my fingers the actual times he has shopped and bought me a gift unprompted. I did not marry him for his gift giving abilities, he knows that. It has always been a quiet joke between us, that I shop and he does not. When I come home from town he says can I see what I bought you. My daughter laughs about the time they went to Wally World on my B-day to get some stuff and he would have come home with nothing except she was there to remind him to get some flowers. His dad is the exact opposite, showers his wife with gifts and love notes.

I've read the book, it is good.

Truffle - I'm definitely a "service" person. Gifts embarrass me somewhat, and I don't like surprises at all. The hubby and I actually have it pretty well worked out: I'm a "service" and he's a "time." Though I have some "time" tendencies and he has some "gift."

I don't know how well I can speak for my guy, but honestly I don't think it's ever been an issue for him if I do or buy things for myself. He's always said that my independence is something he loves best about me; I'm not the type to ask much from anyone else. It used to be more of an issue that I would do or give something for him without being asked.

I probably have the same spontaneous/whimsical tendency that you do, not to wait when I see something I want. But maybe it would be helpful for your fiance when you have an idea for yourself to try dropping a hint before acting on it? I might ask him something like, "What kind of flowers should I get for my desk?" You're not asking for anything more than his opinion, but he gets an idea about what you'd like; and let him take the opportunity if he offers to pay.

My husband is the "take care of" type. That can be driving me somewhere, carrying my purse (yes), cooking for me, or buying/paying for something I want.

Generally, he is not the clothes, flowers, jewelry shopper, but if it is technology, he's right in there.

I had to decide that allowing him to "do" for me, in no way impacted my feminist side. I know what I can do, so it isn't an issue (well hardly ever). After 39 years, I have finally recognized that it makes him so happy to "do" for me, that I joyfully and gratefully accept it.

Vote number 2.

some of ya'll are VERY VERY lucky and I hope you know it!

As for me...



I really do need to hire one of these! But add "cook things" to the mix!

After 39 years of marriage we agree that if I want flowers (or new clothes or whatever) I just go buy them myself. Not to say that he doesn't buy me gifts, he does but I don't expect him to "know what I want when I want it" most of the time. Nearly every week when I shop for groceries I pick up flowers for the house, make me feel good and that's all that matters.

Truff is right, the "language of love" differs in each of us and it takes time to read each others language. Maybe it's just cause I'm getting older than dirt but I am more independent now days. And I don't think he minds most of the time, cause I give him the freedom to do the same. Age does have it's advantages

I picked flowers out of the garden last night! LOL! Didn't cost a thing, but pretty none the less!

Speaking of independent...oh boy..let's not even go there.

Could be why I'm still single after all of these years - that and the fact that the men I dated all seemed to be a little/lot like my ex. Just finally gave up.

For real! Seems like so many men in So GA are chauvanestic (sp). Can be great guys, but their expectations are unrealistic in today's world!

The one exception was maybe the last one...but honestly, he was tooooooo young...but much more suited to me in a lot of other ways, more so than the older ones. AND...he was a heck of a cook and not at all hard to look at!

Must resist the temptation to comment...

pm, if you must, JLJ. You are now making me curious...and it better not be a Mrs. Robinson joke! (jk)

Doesn't necessarily have to be a Mrs. Robinson joke. Could have been a cougar joke.

grrrrrrrrr. I REPEAT...I DID NOT HUNT OR PURSUE THAT ONE..THEREFORE I DO NOT FIT THAT CAT...EGORY!

Oh no...it was more along the lines of your alleged obsession with farriers.

What the he** difference does age make??!!! As I told someone recently it's not like when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to be 21. People don't believe I'm as old as I am. If I were with a guy 10 years younger than me, I'd like to think I could keep up and we'd both be happy. That's what it all comes down to. I say go find that good looking, good cookin' younger guy and apologize for letting societal ideas get in the way of the relationship you were enjoying!

Pot, meet Kettle.

Why is it bad when women are with younger men, but not when men are with younger women?

Agree about the men in S GA!

BTW - having lived in Georgia for 4 years, yes the men there are fairly chauvanistic and behind the times.

But...I...wait...cr*p.

From this guys perspective, giving you a check for suits that you already bought is strange. If you are broke, or you bought the suits for his functions, I can see it.

I always offered to help my wife pay for things she needed before we got married, and occasionally she would acccept, but I never had a problem when she didn't. Now she buys what she wants, and so do I, we both work.

Haha, I got him to take the check back...

should have cashed it and bought a case of Aqua Net

Next time just use the money to buy matching shoes! or pm me for my bank routing and checking account number and I'll go buy shoes!!!

I actually know quite a few good catches here in North Georgia, and I married the best one of them all! Must be a South/Central Gorgia thing. When I lived in Columbus, all the men I met were pigs.

Butter, I think it is a South Georgia problem...then add that to a man from Northern Alabama...cringe.

As far as the younger man...Truf...I won't be running back to him...not only was he younger...he was 21 years younger and wants kids...AND I DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never again anyone under 35...nope...nada.

I want new shoes!!!

And I'm with you on the kids joker. DONE. NO MORE.

Well next time don't leave out that fine point about WANTING KIDS!!! Hot, cooks, and caters to my every whim requires that the focus stays on me...not a mini me or he!

Yeah...it was a great year! We hunted, fished (i killed the biggest buck AND caught the largest bass! )and generally had an awesome time and he was very attentive...but no..sorry...not in kid mode..not me~!

I've been dating a younger man (9 years) for a little over 10 months....I must admit there have definitely been ups and downs, but the one thing we both agree on is that we don't give a rip what other people think of our age difference. We're just taking things "one day at a time", enjoying each other's company and having fun.

He's a good cook, does things for me and is very good in "other areas" as well.

I really get a kick also when his "younger" friends WAY under-guess my age......

How old was he 8 Did you have his parents permission to keep him out past 10?

Good for you, BQ. I'm the complete opposite - I married a man 9 years older than I am. I tell him that I'm his trophy wife. Ha!

Sweet!

haha..funny! [ :-P~~~~~~] Luckily his parents ARE older than me, by about 9 years...LOL! His dad would LOVE to be friendly...NOT!

No seriously, we got along GREAT...did alot of stuff, had zero problems other than I DON'T WANT ANY MORE KIDS! and he does. So...go off, young man, and take ye a wife...have a yard full of kids, just don't call me to babysit!

I'm still open to more kids........but the clock is ticking!

Oh..you want me to set you up with him? He really is a good looking guy!

And he's not opposed to travel...he's been up your way before! LOL!

Sure!!

How old (or young) is he?......lol

I wish I knew what the He!! you guys were talking about. WHat is this dating/buying gifts/having someone cook for you deal?

What is an available man? We have none here in the KC area. Well there is one but he isn't making himself available.

28

It's different here..the ones that want to be available...I run and hide from!

joker I know what you mean about running and hiding from the ones around here that are 'available'. Some are just down right scary!

KC...I do not believe that a 'date worthy' man that buys gifts and cooks actually exists.

Guess I'll cancel that trip to KC!

Wow, what a bunch of ho-hos...

Hey wait a minute! You just said earlier you are already dating someone younger...one at a time, BQ, one at a time!

Who you callin'a ho...ho?

sadly, she does too much buying already, doesn't need me involved in all of that...she is on a first name basis with every cashier in women's stores within a 25-mile radius...

And she has finally learned (after many years) that I am very task oriented (some would call it anal-retentive, but I certainly wouldn't)...if she wants something for Christmas, b-day, etc., it better have a catalog with a page number and item circled...and don't say "i don't really care if you get this one or that one" if you want both...and if I ask what you want and you say "nothing" then that is what you'll get...

she says, looking at the back of her left hand and then polishing her engagement ring on her shirt...

Are you and MOML related? Right down to the ::ahem:: anal retentiveness???

I learned that catalogs are the best way to go. Or the 'send a hint' link on a catalog webiste works too. And those make great gifts, don't get me wrong.

But the bunch of flowers he grabs when he stops to buy a bottle of wine or a truffle from the Godiva store in an airport he's traveling through, actually mean more than anything out of a catalog. It means he thought of me fondly on a day when he didn't have to remember to get me a gift.

On gift giving occasions my neighbor puts whatever she wants on layaway and then hands her husband the ticket.

I know that I am not "date worthy" right now, but I meet the other criteria. In about 6 months to a year I hope to have the date worthy thing worked out!

Thomas...you are most certainly date worthy...just get through this rough spot and you'll be surprised at the opportunities that present themselves. Many of the women on BOL have already told you they'd love for you to cook for them.

LOL! It's funny when I hear women complain about there being no men to date and men complain about there being no women to date. I have been laughing and observing this from the sidelines for the past 22 years. Guess I am going to be joining the game relatively soon.

lol!

I have a 1/2 date worthy son who can buy gifts like nobody's business but couldn't find the kitchen if it was the only room in the house!

Chief.....where is the other half of your son?





We should start a sign up sheet for of gals who would like to have a date with Thomas once he's 'up and running'.

Maybe I should pack up my grill, pots, and pans and travel the country cooking for the ladies of BOL! LOL!

don't leave Texas off the list tj!

and BnS! the 1/2 modifies "date worthy", not son!

come on down to Georgia...there's a few of us that could put on a cooking war...and I'll be glad to referree!

Iron Chef, BOL. FUN!

No, it would be a Throw Down with Bobby Flay thomasj

I want in on the Georgia Iron Chef in some capacity! Maybe I'll commentate.. I'm really good at talking way too much.

Can you offer color commentary at auctioneer speed? 'Cause I think that would be fun.

If ButterOps is as good as talking as I am...we'd have all you cooks so crazy you wouldn't know which way the kitchen was!

I can be very focused when I cook - kind or a Zen thing.....

Tonight's menu - grilled chicken breast marinated in smokey chipotle marinade with a rice pilaf and mixed veggies. From the looks of things, I will be grilling with an umbrella!

I'm thinking some BOL dudes would be willing to sign up too!

:writes AG on the top of the list:

Thomas your menu sounds yummy!!

Don't you dare. We can have fun without guys.

AG, you can escort one of the ladies to a TJ meal.

I have one...

Wanna share?

Sure. Do you like cheese sandwiches and bean burritos?

Me too - you're too late, though, I married him 26 years ago!

The guy would like to buy you what you want, but probably does not *dare* buy you something, which you will return because: he doesn't remember you lost 10 pounds last month (or gained...); doesn't understand patterned fabric and how it looks on you; not to mention proper fit on a female bod, or current fashion in a particular apparel and how you respond to fashion; cannot imagine when you would wear *that* thing (he doesn't take you out much). So, remember that Mars-Venus thing? That book is still on the shelves at the library.

But whom?

<<<<-----

<----------- prefers someone NOT the age of my nonna

Uh, oh! Look out!

::swings low and hard, and connects::

I hope you were swinging at AG!

Of course, Goldie!

Just checking!

of course, she had to let go of her walker first

That was just MEAN! Regardless, she must still have good aim and a deadly punch!

Since it was A_G, it would have to be VERY good aim, just say'n

Tell me about it... I almost thought I missed the little thang...

LOL!

Just for whatever its worth....

Enjoy the attention ( or money or gifts ) he wants to lavish on you... because soon enough "This too shall pass"

Hey, AG should know better than to mess with a gal from Joisey.

Joisey girls ain't trash...

Go back to your mom's basement, will ya?

::wipes off monitor::

Good one.