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#1294562 - 11/27/09 05:07 PM Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Ops Offline
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Every time my husband and I are at a family function or a big gathering of friends, we're bombarded with the question, "When are you two going to have kids?" How do(did?) y'all answer? It gets really old, and I don't want to leave it open for discussion. It annoys me that people even ask.. it's none of their business! I'm tired of the response, "You'll change your mind.. you're still young." Any words of wisdom?

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#1294662 - 11/27/09 06:07 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
KTMiteComply Offline
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only if I want to....
I have a friend that has been in the same situation as you Ops... I don't know what is the best advice my friend! It's such a personal sensitive issue. Not having been there and just thinking about it I "think" I would try to just laugh it off and say to them that you guys just love loving everybody else's kids (if you do that is wink laugh )but don't think that path is the right path for you guys. If somebody just keeps on about it over and over, then take them aside personally and tell them that it just really distresses you to constantly have to discuss such a personal issue all the time, you and your husband are after all adults.

I believe "most" people truly mean well, but unfortunatly we tend to go about it wrong! frown They think they are "offering you advice or words or wisdom" but in truth we end up hurting you instead. Or maybe whenever we don't walk a certain path, we just don't fully understand, and that's our own fault for falling in the trap of thinking everybody is the same, and we are not... As with my friend, in time most people (especially family & friends) will let it go....

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I pray you find some peace with the situation my friend. smile
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#1294669 - 11/27/09 06:11 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. KTMiteComply
rlcarey Online
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Just get a look of misery on your face and tell them you can't have kids - then break down crying. They will never ask the question again I can guarantee. Make them feel like the heels that they are.
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#1294679 - 11/27/09 06:20 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. rlcarey
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Originally Posted By: rlcarey
Just get a look of misery on your face and tell them you can't have kids - then break down crying. They will never ask the question again I can guarantee. Make them feel like the heels that they are.


Coming from experience - I can tell you that the information is "Need to Know" and by golly those same people will need to know -

"Who's fault is it - your or your husbands?" or
"Why can't you have kids?" or
"You should try the doctor that my cousin's best friend's niece's sister-in-law went to..."
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#1294706 - 11/27/09 06:36 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. rlcarey
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KT, thanks for your response. I agree that most people probably mean well, but I see this as a very personal decision.. I guess I'm just surprised other people don't see it the same way. Maybe I have this view because the question comes from folks who don't know us very well.

Originally Posted By: rlcarey
Just get a look of misery on your face and tell them you can't have kids - then break down crying. They will never ask the question again I can guarantee. Make them feel like the heels that they are.


A man would probably react that way, but women want to know all details like Okie Banker said.

Maybe I should write a "Dear Abby," letter. laugh

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#1294716 - 11/27/09 06:48 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
DD Regs Offline
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Somewhere in the middle
We were married 8 years before we had our first kid. All our friends and relaives were having kids and we got the quetion all the time.

"When you going to have kids..." My answer... Whenever I can slip one past the goalie.

"Are you having problems..." My Answer...I don't know, do you mind coming over and coaching me through this, make sure I am doing things right.


My wife got tired of my answer favorite answer...."I just really like practicing making babies and want to make sure I get it right."
Last edited by DD Regs; 11/27/09 06:49 PM.
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#1294723 - 11/27/09 06:51 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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I'd either go with a breezy "We are currently childless by choice and very happy - thanks for asking!" (and then completely ignore the inevitable "oh you'll change your mind" comments with a polite smile and don't say another word). Or else try a stunned "Oh, dear! I wouldn't DREAM of discussing such an intensely personal issue in such a public way!" Get a shocked look on your face and walk away from the insensitive clod.

It's incredibly impolite and thoughtless for people to ask these sorts of questions. I'm sure they mean well, but these types of situations can be incredibly annoying and/or painful for many couples. My prayers are with you that you can put up with these goofballs with grace and not let it bug you!

If you *really* don't know them very well, why not pretend you don't speak English and don't understand their questions? J/K laugh
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#1294732 - 11/27/09 06:58 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. BurntSienna
Lissa P. Offline
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I'm slowly learning that the less I say, the better off I am. We really don't have to explain anything to anyone that is not a part of the decision making process.

Try a simple "No thanks..."

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#1294741 - 11/27/09 07:10 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Lissa P.
Becka Marr Offline
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You could try sarcasm: "You know, we are NEVER going to have children because we would just miss hearing that question from you too much!"
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#1294767 - 11/27/09 07:35 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Becka Marr
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...or tell them "Gee, I've seen your kids and really don't want to make the same mistake!" J/K


My husband and I went through this for a number of years while trying to get pregnant. As it were - babies were not meant to be for us. We are comfortable with this. We love each other and know that that is enough.

that said - those who you love and are a close part of your life know your decision and should quit asking. Those who aren't shouldn't assume what you and your husband believe to be a fulfilling marriage (kids or no kids). Never feel guilty about your choices or feel the need to explain. It's YOUR life. Live it the way you choose.
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#1294793 - 11/27/09 07:54 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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Tell them you're a Visitor and the thought of possibly bringing a huma-lizard into this world is too much to bear
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#1295266 - 11/30/09 01:08 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Peepers
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Having been in your situation VolOps, I understand what you are going through. Goldenrod has a great suggestion...after a while it will stop. I found that the family took the hint first, and it was friends that ended up asking the longest especially those that you don't see very often.
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#1295267 - 11/30/09 01:38 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. TB 12
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out of the frying pan...
VolOps - that question is the single biggest reason that we don't go to family gatherings. In fact, last time his mother put up a big fuss about why we 'never come home,' I told her point blank "because we're tired of being badgered about kids." It let up some after that. In social situations I usually smile and say, "because my sister's children scare me." It's true. They're awful, and anyone who knows my sister just smiles and nods.
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#1295269 - 11/30/09 01:50 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. RR Becca
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FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
This falls in the same category as "what, you're not married YET!?" why haven't you married - translated as "what's wrong with you?"

"I haven't met the right man" - "oh you're too picky" ARGHHHHH! People simpy have no couth.
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#1295515 - 11/30/09 06:02 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. waldensouth
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Sorry Beth! I will stop pestering you!!!!!
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#1295553 - 11/30/09 06:47 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. RR Becca
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Originally Posted By: RR Becca
I usually smile and say, "because my sister's children scare me." It's true. They're awful, and anyone who knows my sister just smiles and nods.


If my sisters had children first, I never would have had any! Especially the 3 youngest boys. They are unbelievable.
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#1295556 - 11/30/09 06:50 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Pale Rider
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I just wonder when it'll stop. I have a lot of "child-bearing" years left, and I'd hate to think I'll have to go through this for many years to come.

I suppose there's no easy fix.. I may try Goldenrod's suggestion of telling the person, "I'd never dream of discussing such a personal issue with someone." I'll wait until it's someone I don't see often so I can see just how offensive he/she will find it.. laugh Not something I want to test on over-dramatic family member.

And Walden, you're so right! My best friend gets that all the time as if she should have been married at 18.. and she's only 26!

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#1295577 - 11/30/09 07:06 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
Sing A Little Offline
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We've been married for almost 12 years and we STILL get this question from some. I've even had people be rude enough to say, "Then why did you even get married?" Hello, it's called LOVE people! laugh

I'm usually honest with my answer and explain that we aren't going to have kids until we feel we are ready. To which I usually hear, "You'll never have kids if you wait until you're ready". That usually stops discussion on the topic.

IMO having kids is one of the most important decisions that you can make and people should really keep their opinions to themselves.
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#1295584 - 11/30/09 07:19 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Sing A Little
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I agree with SAL 100%!
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#1295753 - 11/30/09 08:58 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Retired DQ
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My family got tired of my snide comments, looked around and saw me hanging around with all the pets in the house (and not the children) throughout the years, and finally realized children just weren't for me.

I never get asked anymore. As a matter of fact, my mother is the only one that brings it up, and it's turned into a family joke (the good kind smile )...

My mother always got way more worked up about children comments than I did...I'm an only child, so I'm her 'only hope' smile
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#1295808 - 11/30/09 09:36 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Sing A Little
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Originally Posted By: Sing A Little
I've even had people be rude enough to say, "Then why did you even get married?"


tax credit
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#1295835 - 11/30/09 09:53 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Peepers
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My brother had 3 girls-the family name ends with him and I...
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#1295882 - 11/30/09 10:24 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. TB 12
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Can you still adopt AG?
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#1295939 - 11/30/09 11:45 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Peepers
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Luckily, both of our parents are just fine with whatever decision we make. No pressure there!

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#1295981 - 12/01/09 02:45 AM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Pale Rider
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How about "We've decided to breed dogs instead. That way we can make get rid of them before they stop being cute and cuddly and make money at it too."

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#1296095 - 12/01/09 03:23 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Truffle Royale
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More like "we've decided to only adopt adult, house broken dogs so we don't have to worry about potty training." laugh

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#1296107 - 12/01/09 03:31 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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oh good. I got a laugh out of you. I can only imagine how much this must bug and even hurt you. Saying 'I'm allergic to kids' doesn't make people laugh and back off, does it? Best of luck to you in holding the inconsiderate people at bay.

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#1296108 - 12/01/09 03:31 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Truffle Royale
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Curled up by the fire...
Sometimes, you just have to be blunt and to the point, sista.
I let it be known years ago that I would never have children. I was pregnant once and miscarried and though I was torn up over it, it was truly a blessing. I guess having that little stint made people not ask me so much anymore.
But I bet if you pushed back enough on the issue, they would stop. It usually only takes once to get the point across.
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#1296117 - 12/01/09 03:37 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Mrs. Rizzo
RR Joker Offline
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Get a t-shirt: "Just say NO... to kids"...(jk)

My son knows how I feel about it. He'll never have any pressure from me for g'kids...even if he is my one and only.

In fact, I'm the opposite of most..I'm more likely to try and talk folks OUT of having them! laugh

Please don't take that the wrong way..I do love my son...that's not the point at all.
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#1296136 - 12/01/09 03:48 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. RR Joker
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And here's the really bad part -- it never ends just because you've had the kids. Now, people say to me "You must be dying for grandchildren...When do you think your son will get married, is he seeing anyone.. Why doesn't he want to get married?" The answers are Yes, I don't know, It's really not up to me --Geez
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#1296140 - 12/01/09 03:50 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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when the question is posed, start twitching and scream at the top of your lungs 'dum dum diddy!!'

people tend to leave you alone
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#1296371 - 12/01/09 06:02 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Peepers
WonderWoman Offline
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Ops - I'm in the same position as you. Hubby & I have been married for 10 years & we have 34 nieces & nephews. BELIEVE me - I get the questions all the time.


The questions don't really bother me as much as the rumors. I HATE when I'm out sick for one day and everyone at work has decided I'm pregnant.

Or I have one craving and I'm all of a sudden pregnant.


Can't a girl each some nachos without being questioned?


On the flip side - we are not getting pressure from our parents (mostly friends). Our parents feel like they are on vacation every time they come to visit - there are no little ones crawling around everywhere! laugh
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#1296463 - 12/01/09 07:06 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. WonderWoman
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My husband and I have been married for 30 years and we were asked this same question by family and friends until I was almost 40. I guess at that point people started to realize that we weren't going to have children. My Nana was the only one who never asked us about it. She says she always thought I'd choose not to have children and it's nobody's business.

Unfortunately, there's no one answer that works for every situation. It really depends on the person. With coworkers who didn't know us well, I often responded "Don't you think that's a rather personal question?" That will take care of prying acquaintances. With family, I usually joked "As soon I've saved the $250,000 it takes to raise a child to age 18" or "Shortly after [censored] freezes over."

I have always felt that the oddest thing was that people were always so shocked that we love kids. We have six nieces and nephews that we're crazy about and because we haven't had to support our own kids, we've had the money to take them on trips and give them money for college. For some strange reason, people think if you don't have kids, then you must hate them.

It will be easier for you to handle if you think of these inquiries as coming from people who are good-hearted and so thrilled to be parents, that they wish the same wonderful experience for you and be happy that they're happy with their choice.
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#1297013 - 12/02/09 04:18 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Big Sis
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I don't know what the future holds for us, but right now we are comfortable with just us and our pets. Our dogs really are our kids, and even our parents have started to call them their "Granddoggers" laugh
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#1297019 - 12/02/09 04:21 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Sing A Little
MadisonCali Offline
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Originally Posted By: Sing A Little
I don't know what the future holds for us, but right now we are comfortable with just us and our pets. Our dogs really are our kids, and even our parents have started to call them their "Granddoggers" laugh



Same here. We actually acquired a new puppy from a 'situation' a couple of weeks ago and my parents came over last night to meet their new granddog. I think he's their new favorite smile
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#1297075 - 12/02/09 04:44 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Truffle Royale
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Pulling people out of the ditc...
try sarcasm...

"well, even thought he sex-change operation was successful, they've yet to be able to add the needed orgams to get me pregnant"

or

"well, ever since he was abducted by aliens, (insert husbands name here) is unable to perform"

If they don't get the hint, just be blunt and tell them it is none of their business
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#1297224 - 12/02/09 06:18 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. HappyGilmore
Ops Offline
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Thanks for all the input, everyone!

Big Sis - your post sounds just like my hubby & I. We plan on helping my neice and nephew through college when the time comes. smile

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#1297360 - 12/02/09 07:35 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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I'm glad I could help.
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#1297543 - 12/02/09 09:33 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Sing A Little
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Originally Posted By: Sing A Little
I don't know what the future holds for us, but right now we are comfortable with just us and our pets. Our dogs really are our kids, and even our parents have started to call them their "Granddoggers" laugh



I LOVE the term "Granddoggers" laugh. I'm going to have to use that for my doggies laugh
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#1297636 - 12/02/09 10:42 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. WonderWoman
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HERE! I'm here!
Wow Ops, you could have just told me to shut up about it already.....


smile


You can blame it on my kids, they work part time as permanent birth control for all non-parents.

I have a cousin that's a lot like me, and she used to come up with some pretty dirty one line responses to the same question, but I can't post them in here, I'll get put in trouble.
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#1297747 - 12/03/09 01:52 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. WonderWoman
RR Becca Offline
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out of the frying pan...
Originally Posted By: (not as) newbsa
Ops - I'm in the same position as you. Hubby & I have been married for 10 years & we have 34 nieces & nephews. BELIEVE me - I get the questions all the time.


The questions don't really bother me as much as the rumors. I HATE when I'm out sick for one day and everyone at work has decided I'm pregnant.

Or I have one craving and I'm all of a sudden pregnant.


Can't a girl each some nachos without being questioned?


On the flip side - we are not getting pressure from our parents (mostly friends). Our parents feel like they are on vacation every time they come to visit - there are no little ones crawling around everywhere! laugh


I'm dealing with this RIGHT NOW. I've been out the last two days with a stomach bug. The veryu first thing out of everyone's mouth: "Are you pregnant?" mad
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#1297916 - 12/03/09 03:41 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. RR Becca
Ops Offline
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Ops
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I get that, too, Becca.


Munque, no worries. You aren't family OR easily offended, so I can be a smart alleck to you. grin

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#1298004 - 12/03/09 04:38 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
Aggs Offline
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Ugh, I am so sorry. People are so inconsiderate sometimes. I went through that too for several years, as it took my husband and I a long time to be able to have our child. It always annoyed me to no end that the moment we got married we were getting the "when are you having kids?" questions.

I have a 4 year old daughter now and we're done. We wanted one, we got one and I am not going through that h*ll of infertility again. I am not putting my body through all that.

There is also a stigma attached to having an only child. As soon as we had her, we were being asked when we're having the next one. When I said "we're not", people would make a sour face or say that it's sad, ask "why not?", make comments that my daughter needs a playmate (hello, ever heard of having friends?) and so on.

Right now, my annoyance is when people/strangers ask me "how many kids do you have?" and I say "I have one daughter" and they make a face and say "just one?". Why is she a "just"? She's more than enough for me, thank you! The correct response is "oh, that's nice", not "oh, only one? don't you want more?"

Oops, I apologize for hijacking your post...

My response to those "when are you having kids?" questions (especially during a time when I thought we would never have any) was - "that's between me and my husband and we're honestly not concerned about it".
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#1298014 - 12/03/09 04:47 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Aggs
#Just Jay Offline
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We are getting the question now too "when are you all going to adopt, you have been together so long..."

Seriously?? uhm, we're too dudes.

And then they look at us tilt their haed and smile more.

Uhm, newsflash, just because we are two guys together does not mean we have any desire to rush off to China and bring home our own little Xue-li. Ugh. People.

I have never had a paternal instict in my life... why do you people think I laced your kids pb&j with cough syrup when I babysat them... 'cause they were better when they were asleep! smirk
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#1298037 - 12/03/09 05:01 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. #Just Jay
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Originally Posted By: Just Jay

I have never had a paternal instict in my life... why do you people think I laced your kids pb&j with cough syrup when I babysat them... 'cause they were better whent hey were asleep! smirk


laugh

Agnessa, wasn't a hijack. Your simple answer of "that's between me and my husband" is probably what I'll use in the future. smile

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#1298138 - 12/03/09 06:11 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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just insult them right back Beepers, that works for you when I pop off, doesn't it?
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#1298210 - 12/03/09 06:54 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Aggs
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I also had one child by choice. I wanted one - and I got one. What I started saying when people said 'oh - you're only going to have one?' - I would tell them that I got exactly what I wanted the first time. Not a nice thing to say - but it shut them up.
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#1298233 - 12/03/09 07:13 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. #Just Jay
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Originally Posted By: Just Jay
We are getting the question now too "when are you all going to adopt, you have been together so long..."

Seriously?? uhm, we're too dudes.

And then they look at us tilt their haed and smile more.

Uhm, newsflash, just because we are two guys together does not mean we have any desire to rush off to China and bring home our own little Xue-li. Ugh. People.

I have never had a paternal instict in my life... why do you people think I laced your kids pb&j with cough syrup when I babysat them... 'cause they were better when they were asleep! smirk


LMAO!! You sound ljust like my best friends smile
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#1298676 - 12/04/09 01:29 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. MadisonCali
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Not to hijack... but I also have one child and I am perfectly happy with that one child...
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#1298691 - 12/04/09 02:00 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Retired DQ
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My one child is all I can handle! She wanted a little brother - I got her a male puppy!
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#1298697 - 12/04/09 02:07 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. waldensouth
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I agree with the prior posters. Even when you have one, the question doesn't stop. I have two and got grief from a particular grandparent when I said we weren't having anymore. I heard that "But we'd like a few more grandkids." My response - you've got 5 other kids to hound. Go see if your (then) 13 year old daughter is ready to have one for you.

Why do people think that you need to keep up with them on the number of kids you have or don't have?

VolOps - my thought. Just walk away without answering the question. That should give them a hint that it's not a converstaion to be had.

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#1298712 - 12/04/09 02:17 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. NotPerfect
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only if I want to....
me too...I was told I would never be able to have children, so I am so thankful to have the one God blessed me with. I try my best to not take offense when somebody says...you have "just" one??? well my "one" is like having "five" rolled into "just one" whistle laugh but seriously I am thankful for the blessing.

Ops...like everybody has said before, esp the one poster that mentioned...alot of people don't mean to be mean (of course I know some could really care less), I think they just feel so blessed and they "incorrectly THINK" you might miss out on a wonderful blessing...but so many times we are so ignorant in our thinking and it just takes time for us to grow up and realize...we aren't always right! wink

from talking with you I know you have a great heart and wonderful head on your shoulders...you will be able to do the right thing in each circumstance!!! PLUS you've also got some great advice and ammunition above wink
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#1298726 - 12/04/09 02:31 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. KTMiteComply
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Thanks, KT!

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#1298729 - 12/04/09 02:33 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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For April Fool's this year, I told a co-worker who hounded me constantly I was pregnant. She started jumping up and down, making a fool out of herself. Then I said, "April Fool's!"

She hasn't brought it up since!

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#1298746 - 12/04/09 02:45 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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Originally Posted By: VolOps
For April Fool's this year, I told a co-worker who hounded me constantly I was pregnant. She started jumping up and down, making a fool out of herself. Then I said, "April Fool's!"

She hasn't brought it up since!


LMAO!!!
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#1298763 - 12/04/09 03:03 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Aggs
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only if I want to....
RITFL!!!! laugh Oh my!!!! THAT is a good one girlie!!!! laugh
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#1298831 - 12/04/09 03:38 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. KTMiteComply
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High Ten, VolOps! laugh
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#1299079 - 12/04/09 06:10 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Retired DQ
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Somebody will always have a stupid question like this on some aspect of your life that you'd rather not discuss.

Most of you know I have two kids - a girl and a boy. When my husband got snipped his father and my mother were horrified. They both asked: 'What will you do if something happens to one of them?' My response was 'Change their room into a sewing room. What makes you think either one of them is replaceable?!'

So you see, it'll always be something. Either grin and bear it or zing 'um. Just don't let it eat away at you. Life's too short to sweat the stupid stuff.

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#1299522 - 12/04/09 10:47 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Truffle Royale
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You can always respond with another question...it fits any scenario....

Why do you want to know?

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#1299549 - 12/04/09 11:18 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Al Bankher
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HERE! I'm here!
If it makes you guys feel any better I have the 5 and I want two more (because I think at least 2 of the current ones are broken) you should hear people yelling at me for trying to populate the world with beautiful children.











Now THAT was hijacking a thread. smile
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#1299556 - 12/04/09 11:24 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. ~MunQue~
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HERE! I'm here!
Ops I personally think it would be appropriate for you to start asking everyone else intimate questions about their sex lives:

When are you gonna have kids?
You: When was your last orgasm?
You: How often does your husband go limp during the deed?
You: I heard that the male performance pills weren't working for you, that's too bad....


Yup. Perfectly appropriate. grin


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#1299561 - 12/04/09 11:28 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. ~MunQue~
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^^^^ now that was funny! laugh
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#1299625 - 12/05/09 03:22 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Peepers
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#1299811 - 12/07/09 03:14 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. RR Jen
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LOL, Munque! Love it!

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#1300438 - 12/07/09 09:33 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. ~MunQue~
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Originally Posted By: ~MunQue~
If it makes you guys feel any better I have the 5 and I want two more (because I think at least 2 of the current ones are broken) you should hear people yelling at me for trying to populate the world with beautiful children.

Now THAT was hijacking a thread. smile


I needed that laugh today!!! Sometimes I think my youngest is "broken" but I'm too old to even think about any more. I'll just see if I can keep the grandkids from ending up "broken" .
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#1300446 - 12/07/09 09:43 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. corkygirl
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Originally Posted By: corkygirl
Originally Posted By: ~MunQue~
If it makes you guys feel any better I have the 5 and I want two more (because I think at least 2 of the current ones are broken) you should hear people yelling at me for trying to populate the world with beautiful children.

Now THAT was hijacking a thread. smile


I needed that laugh today!!! Sometimes I think my youngest is "broken" but I'm too old to even think about any more. I'll just see if I can keep the grandkids from ending up "broken" .


OHH!!! You should call AG's Mom... she might be interested in a son-for-son a swap, especailly if she would get grandkids out of the deal! laugh
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#1300473 - 12/07/09 10:04 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. #Just Jay
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But I'd keep the grandkids grin
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#1301176 - 12/08/09 08:15 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. WonderWoman
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Originally Posted By: (not as) newbsa
I HATE when I'm out sick for one day and everyone at work has decided I'm pregnant.


I finally flipped out at my mom about two years ago over this one and haven't heard a word since. I can live with other people saying stupid stuff like that, but she’s smarter than that. If I was pregnant, I'd be crying hysterically at my desk for 9 months (at least) not out sick for one day people! smirk

There are some really good suggestions here, but since I only seem to get to post about once every six months anymore I thought I'd add my own.

A few years ago, I came in and told my boss that we just found out that our family was growing. I looked really sad and she started to sympathize with me (knowing my position on kids) . . . until I told her we were adopting another dog! I think she wanted to smack me but couldn’t quit laughing long enough to do it.

I got my mother in law a throw pillow with something like “ask me about my grand-dogs” on it. She hasn’t asked about kids since!

When someone asks when we are going to have kids, I reply that we already do. If they press further, I might mention a boy and a girl and if they press further still, I tell them that our “fur-babies” take up all the spare room in our house – with a townhouse and two Great Danes, it’s pretty tough for them to argue the point.

Finally, I’m proactive about my stance. When coworkers, friends, etc. are talking about some situation with their kid or someone else’s kid, I’ll say “Reason 14,598 I don’t have kids!” The number has grown over time and the questions have gone to almost zero.
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#1301260 - 12/08/09 09:09 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Darkhorse
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Originally Posted By: Darkhorse

Finally, Im proactive about my stance. When coworkers, friends, etc. are talking about some situation with their kid or someone elses kid, Ill say Reason 14,598 I dont have kids! The number has grown over time and the questions have gone to almost zero.


I use this, too! I always say, "yet another reason we don't want kids."

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#1301297 - 12/08/09 09:34 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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Sorry guys, but those comments got to me. While I totally understand that not everyone wants kids <my niece and her husband included>, raising a child is the most amazing thing I ever did. It's not always fun and easy, but way worth it. Although I will admit when I see someone with two children that are fighting I thought to myself 'that's why I only wanted one'.
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#1301450 - 12/09/09 04:03 AM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Skittles
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I agree - raising kids is amazing - now that I have them, I am very thankful for the experience. If I had to do it over again, I'm not sure that I would knowing what I know now. It is really a Catch 22 and I fully respect those that choose to not have them. I for one, would never ask such a question as it is way too personal of a decision. I just thank god I had them when I was young. I have friends my age with toddlers - I think I would commit suicide. I just enjoy my five grandkids now. I know this probably didn't make a whole lot of sense, but it is a decision that is a lot more complex in today's world and too many people have kids without contemplating all the issues. For those that do, a decision not to have them is not illogical. Now if I can just get my daughters to STOP smile.
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#1301652 - 12/09/09 03:51 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Skittles
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To each his own. smile

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#1301932 - 12/09/09 06:25 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Skittles
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Originally Posted By: Duchess Skittles
Sorry guys, but those comments got to me. While I totally understand that not everyone wants kids <my niece and her husband included>, raising a child is the most amazing thing I ever did. It's not always fun and easy, but way worth it.


(not to be smart...) I went skydiving, and I think it was one of the most amazing things I've ever done... but some people probably thought I was crazy and would never attempt such a thing...

Actually my wife and I are at the stage of "not not-trying", if you know what I mean (most PC way I could think of saying it without getting too graphic). We are constantly bombarded by questions of when we'll have kids... HELLO, it's not a light switch!!!

My wife too gets annoyed that if she was sick or just didn't feel well that everyone automatically assumes she's pregnant. It almost had her convinced once, and I had to tell her that everyone thinks that because we are newlyweds.

People ask me if we're 'trying', and I turn around with "what, you mean right at this moment???".
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#1301994 - 12/09/09 07:21 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Skunk Boy
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Good come back, SB. People just have no sense. It's nobody's business.
Last edited by Duchess Skittles; 12/09/09 07:22 PM.
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#1302057 - 12/09/09 08:17 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. ~MunQue~
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Originally Posted By: ~MunQue~
Ops I personally think it would be appropriate for you to start asking everyone else intimate questions about their sex lives:

When are you gonna have kids?
You: When was your last orgasm?
You: How often does your husband go limp during the deed?
You: I heard that the male performance pills weren't working for you, that's too bad....


Yup. Perfectly appropriate. grin


Two wrongs don't make it right, but it makes it funny.



shocked I know it doesn't help V, but these are just too darn funny. And it is really, really hard to not add more very helpful phrases like those above.
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#1302234 - 12/09/09 10:11 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Skunk Boy
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Originally Posted By: Skunk Boy
My wife too gets annoyed that if she was sick or just didn't feel well that everyone automatically assumes she's pregnant. It almost had her convinced once, and I had to tell her that everyone thinks that because we are newlyweds.


4 years later, and folks still assume. I've had a lingering stomach bug for the past few days.. what question did I get?? Yep.. that one.

Equally as wrong.. when my husband and I set our date, people actually asked me if I was getting married because I was pregnant. How tacky is that?? We decided on our date 4 months before we got married.. guess that's what got people thinking, but we had been engaged over a year and a half by the time we set the date.

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#1302249 - 12/09/09 10:19 PM Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please. Ops
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this thread is providing me material to be even more annoying and obnoxious than I already am
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