does not seem to appreciate his step-dad who meets all of his daily needs. He works, he sees to it that my nephew gets everything he needs and most of what he wants and even volunteers to be the 'Homeroom Dad' when my sister or I can't attend his little class parties. The problem is, his biological dad is a deadbeat, non working, non involved, so called man that my nephew thinks is all there is in this life. I completely understand that he shouldn't know all those bad details about his dad, but still, how can we get him to understand how wonderful his stepdad really is? And again, he is only 6.

That is all stuff that will have to come in time. It stinks but that's the way it goes with step parents sometimes.

holy moly, the kid is 6, do you think he is really focused on who is providing for his daily needs? for pete's sake, let him be a kid. let him fantasize that his dad is wonderful. in time, when his is mature enough to see for himself, he will realize that his stepdad is there for him and his dad is not...don't try to force the issue

No, I don't think he is focused on who meets his daily needs and at 6 he shouldn't be. I said nothing about telling him what his stepdad did and what his real dad doesn't do! I just simply stated that he doesn't appreciate what his stepdad does. I realize no one should sit him down and have a grown up conversation like that with him. I never want him to hate his dad. I really just wondered what other step parents did to win over their young stepchildren. Good Grief!

My husband is a stepdad and I know of almost no harder job. There is nothing that can really be done to win over a stepchild any more than a biological child, though. Simply be consistent, loving, and always there and, in time, the kiddos see the truth about everyone. God bless!

My good friend has been a step-mom for 2 years now. Her step daughter is 12. She just this week told her that she loved her.

Granted 12 and 6 are different (I have a 6 year old myself who doesn't appreciate me or her dad ) but it took 2 years for my friend to gain the love back that she was giving daily.

It will come with time.

And then again, you may never see what you want to see in your nephew. But it doesn't matter.

No one can force anyone else to appreciate anything, whether it's what someone does for them...or how good oysters taste. You either get it or you don't.

Being a parent isn't about recognition from the child or anyone else. You do it because you want to and you love the child. That has to be it's own reward.

With kids from divorce there are so many factors influencing them. #1 gran has been a stepkid for 3 of the nearly 6 yrs since the divorce. Right now she's going through a phase that I think is influenced by her divorced kid friends. For the longest time she didn't care much about seeing her father (or him her). Now, she HAS to see him because 'it's his weekend'. Ugh. It tears me apart to listen to her call him 'dad' not to mention be protective of what he does and why. All I can do is wait and hope and pray that someday she'll realize the truth about him and recognize that her grandfather and stepdad are the men who really fathered her.

I'm betting it's not your nephew's lack of appreciation so much as it's your own residual disdain for his father that's really getting your goat. Easy to recognize cause I do it myself.

Thanks everyone. Truff, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it was my own dislike of his dad. He is just the best kid on the planet and I don't know how his own dad can break promises and be so unavailable. His stepdad understands all this completely, it is mostly my sister and I who worry. What can I say, we were raised to be compassionate people.

And you're women. Thankfully, his stepdad does get it and is able to be there for him.

btw, to this day I would gleefully run over #1 gran's dad if he stepped in the road in front of me. I never liked him and I never will and I'm thrilled to have him mostly out of my life.

step-parenting is a really tough job---mine were 10 and 11 (now 23 and almost 22)....

Kids are always testing their power level...and with step-parents, it's another dynamic added. You can't do anything to make your nephew see the situation as your adult eyes see it. In fact, it probably makes it worse.

He's 6..the whole world revolves around his needs...his dad makes and breaks promises...so in your nephews eyes, something must be wrong with him because his dad isn't around...then here's this other guy, stepping in, and everyone is applauding what he does...when all your nephew wants is for his dad to love and want to be with him. your nephew's heart is broken.

when he is older (and it might not even take that long...kids are tough) he will know who has been there for him...and be able to accept that his step-dad loves him just as he is.but right now, he needs to be told that he didn't cause his dad to break promises...his dad has some grown up problems that he's working through, and even if it's hard to see, your nephew is loved. and not just by his dad, but everyone around him.