You are NOT listening to me when. . .
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You ARE listening when. . .
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You do not care about me
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You come quietly into my private world and let me be me
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You say you understand before you know me well enough
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You really try to understand me even when I'm not making much sense
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You have an answer for my problem before I've finished telling you what my problem is
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You grasp my point of view even when it's against your own sincere convictions
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You cut me off before I finish speaking
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You realize that the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and drained
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You finish my sentence for me
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You allow me the dignity of making my own decisions even though you think they may be wrong
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You find me boring and don't tell me so
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You do not take my problem from me, but allow me to deal with it in my own way
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You feel critical of my vocabulary, grammar or accent
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You hold back your desire to give me good advice
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You are dying to tell me something
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You do not offer me religious solace when you sense I am not ready for it
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You tell me about your experience making mine seem unimportant
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You give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on
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You are communicating to someone else in the room
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You pay attention and acknowledge my portion of the conversation
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You refuse my thanks by saying you haven't really done anything . . .
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You accept my gift of gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know you have been helpful
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