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#106005 - 08/13/03 09:01 PM Terrible Twos!
Buddy the Elf Offline
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Buddy the Elf
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I'm looking for advice from the experienced parents out there...
My 2-year-old bites. She's gotten written up at daycare twice in the last 4 days. The first time was understandable; a boy took her bunny and wouldn't give it back. We "talked" to her and told her that if someone takes her bunny, she needs to tell the teacher and NOT bite. She says in her little voice, "Okay". But let's face it, she's two, she's not comprehending it. Obviously. Anyone else have your kid do this? What did you do to stop it?
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#106006 - 08/13/03 09:12 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Anonymous
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I have a two year old boy in daycare also and a little while ago he began the bite thing. At that age they are only repeating what they see other kids doing at daycare - as my wife and I certainly don't bite each other at home (at least not in front of the kid).

While talking to your child (you may think she is not comprehending, but she understands you) about why it is inappropriate to do such things and reinforcing other behaviors, you should also have a chat with her teachers. Find out if and how they discipline the kids that they catch biting. Do they inform the parents? Is a specific kid the class biter and everyone else acts in accordance with that kid? Do they fill out an accident report?

-g


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#106007 - 08/13/03 09:57 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Uncle_Milty Offline
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 434
New Jersey
I think it's fairly common. My daughter bit a few kids (and mom and dad when she got very excited) when she was 2, but outgrew it by the time she was 3. Of course, now she'll sneak up on her little brother and knock him over for the heck of it. I imagine soon he'll be stronger than her and it will stop once she gets some of it back.

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#106008 - 08/13/03 10:06 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Anonymous
Unregistered

When my son was three years old, he had a daycare instructor that kept a spray bottle of "Yuckey Stuff". This was anything non-toxic (Listerine, concentrated lemon juice, etc.) that, with one small spritz in the childs mouth, would usually make them not bite again. She also used this if the children used unkind words toward others. One dose of "Yuckey Stuff" worked for my son.

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#106009 - 08/13/03 10:11 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Christina Offline
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Christina
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 145
Midwest
My kids are 4, 3, and 2. (feel free to make any comment about that - we sure did!) Our first was the bitee. He got chomped quite a bit. 2nd didn't really have any biting incidents. The third - her royal highness, is a biter. It is hard to accept as a parent, but your child is not biting out of malace or poor parenting, but out of a lack of communication. My daughter didn't talk as early as some of her classmates, probably due to the other two at home always doing things for her. Do not feel as if you are a bad parent or that you have poor day care. This is just a bump in the road for lots of kids.

It is important to catch your child in the act of biting and tell them "NO. Biting hurts." and remove them from the activity. It is also important that the other child receives immediate TLC while the biter is in time out. Your child will be ignored and see another child receiving attention and that helps. Parents on both sides should be notified - our daycare never tells who bit whom. We try to talk about biting and that it hurts, but two hours after the fact, a 2-year-old won't remember the incident and discipline won't be effective. I used to ask my oldest who bit him and he could never tell me.

Our day care has gone so far as to have another staff member follow, or shadow, the biter to catch them in the act. Not all centers or in-home providers can do that, but it really helped for us.

Just remember, this too shall pass. You're a good parent of a good child.


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#106010 - 08/13/03 11:56 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
HRH Dawnie Offline
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HRH Dawnie
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Anchorage Alaska
I have two year olds too...they bite alot...wait they're cats, it's normal

Actually I heard a great show on daycare and children on national public radio last week that addressed exactly this. They said that it's normal for two year olds, and if properly punished (firm no and some time away from others AT THE TIME OF THE INCIDENT!) it will end!

They also said it's more common that the kids do this at daycare as they see others doing just the same thing, but that they normally bite each other, verses adults. They suggested if it continues after punishment and if it's aggressively progressing in roughness, check out the environment they're in (the daycare) and consider shadowing them to get a feeling why and when it happens. If they're attacking you, and it's getting worse and worse, it's apparently a deeper issue (in the minds of the doctor on this show) that needs closer review if it continues for any length of time.

My cats won't stop, but that's another story
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#106011 - 08/14/03 12:14 AM Re: Terrible Twos!
JacF Offline

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PA
I consulted my resident expert (Mrs. Jac,) who has been both a mother and a daycare provider all of her adult life, about this. Her suggestion is to leave the bunny at home if at all possible. If she needs her bunny for naptime, ask the daycare to hold onto it and give it to her only at naptime.

You didn't mention any biting at home, so that may indicate that your daughter is not comfortable with the lack of attention in a large group at daycare, as it contrasts significantly with the personal attention she receives at home. Perhaps a smaller home-like atmosphere could benefit her.

Regarding the center that uses the 'yucky stuff'- I would not allow any child of mine to stay in such an environment. That is simply too extreme for such young children. Not to mention the possible dangers of inadvertently providing an allergen to a child, which could have horriffic results if the child's allergies are acute enough.

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#106012 - 08/14/03 01:57 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Buddy the Elf Offline
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Quote:

You didn't mention any biting at home, so that may indicate that your daughter is not comfortable with the lack of attention in a large group at daycare, as it contrasts significantly with the personal attention she receives at home. Perhaps a smaller home-like atmosphere could benefit her.




I think this may have something to do with it. She's at a large daycare right now and she's only been there since July 14. Her regular caregiver (a friend of mine, at her home, with only 4 children) had a baby and is on maternity leave. My daughter goes back to her regular small daycare on September 2! Thank goodness! And while that makes me happy, there was biting there too. I think she learned this from a girl at her original daycare. But my daughter was usually the bitee.

I've thought about not letting her have her bunny and I think the teachers try to not let her have him that much. But, she is sooo attached to him (but only while at this daycare). I know she's not really comfortable where she's at right now and I hate to make any more difficult on her.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your insight. I appreciate the encouragement too! I do think it will pass (and then we'll move onto something else!).
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#106013 - 08/14/03 02:24 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
LinMarie Offline
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Isn't it sad that a two year old has to be "written up"! They are only two...not very effective. I would not worry about it. Ride it out until your child can go back to her regular daycare. It must be scary to change environments like that and a child will defend themselves any way they can. Just focus on how darn cute they are!!

By the way,my friends with older children are telling me that the terrible two's are nothing compared to the teenage years! Lets enjoy every second we can.


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#106014 - 08/14/03 02:30 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

I do think it will pass (and then we'll move onto something else!).




like, perhaps
... moving to a new bed
... sleeping though the night, again
... food fixations
... temper tantrums

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#106015 - 08/14/03 02:36 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Countess Kiwi Offline
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Minnesota
My 3 year old and 16 mo old have been the bitees. Our daycare sends home an accident report and never says who bit who, don't think it really matters that much. They do discuss it with both parents and discipline as necessary. I think it is important to talk about it from both sides, but it will pass. Our 16 month old is a hitter and that is very frustrating for us, we have been working on that for a couple of months and it doesn't seem to be letting down much. Daycare has never mentioned it, but I wonder if that isn't why she is getting bit so often.

Don't worry about it much, it sounds like she is trying to adjust to the new daycare. It is not a result of bad parenting or not discussing it with your child...just one of those many phases they go through.
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#106016 - 08/14/03 02:44 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
DeeQ Offline
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Quote:

Quote:

I do think it will pass (and then we'll move onto something else!).




like, perhaps
... moving to a new bed
... sleeping though the night, again
... food fixations
... temper tantrums





And it will pass, also like:

...not taking medicine
...using the potty
...throwing things
They will grow out of it, don't worry. Just keep a positive outlook and keep reminding her that it's not appropriate behavior. You'll probably have said No to her at least 1 million times by now, by age 7, it will be 5 million.
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#106017 - 08/14/03 02:48 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Buddy the Elf Offline
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Buddy the Elf
Joined: May 2002
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first lily pad on the right
like, perhaps
... moving to a new bed-- already done that, piece of cake!
... sleeping though the night, again-- that's one thing about my girl, she is, and always has been, a really good sleeper.
... food fixations-- on that right now. She would eat canned ravioli for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. I say, "What would you like for dinner?" then I get an, "Ummmmmmmm" like she's really thinking about it. "Ravi-Ravis!"
... temper tantrums-- throws herself down on the ground, kicking and screaming. Lovely. Hasn't happened in a store yet (knock on wood!).

All this and I still have the teenage years to look forward to!
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#106018 - 08/14/03 03:31 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
NotALawyer Offline
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NotALawyer
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Quote:

"Ravi-Ravis!"





Sounds like my 2 1/2 twin girls! "Coco" is chocolate milk. Funny thing with twins is there was no fascination with a mirror. Each had seen her "reflection" since birth so there was nothing novel about it.

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#106019 - 08/14/03 03:49 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

... moving to a new bed-- already done that, piece of cake!
... sleeping though the night, again-- that's one thing about my girl, she is, and always has been, a really good sleeper.





we're doing the sleeping thing now - w/out fail, every morning 2am he's standing beside our bed with his blankie over his shoulder ready to finish the night in our bed. Back to the "big boy bed" is always fun at 2am.

food fixations, I own stock in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. My son's name is Max and when you ask him what he wants he says, "MAX-a-roni and cheese, please". What a trip.

-g

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#106020 - 08/14/03 03:51 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Anonymous
Unregistered

When my 2 yr old starting biting(he's now 20) I bit him and he didn;t like that and that was the end of his biting.

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#106021 - 08/14/03 04:52 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Brandy Osborne Offline
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 660
KY
when i was 2ish and i threw a big ole temper tantrum, my mother very calmly went and got a glass of cold water in a small cup. she waited till i had a hit nice volume and hissiness (i just made a new word ) and proceeded to throw the water in my face... though i remember none of this my mother said it worked like a charm and that the look on my face was priceless! when i have children (getting married in 3 weeks) who i am sure will never throw such a fit ... i just may use this same technique.
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#106022 - 08/14/03 04:54 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Countess Kiwi Offline
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,815
Minnesota
Quote:

My son's name is Max and when you ask him what he wants he says, "MAX-a-roni and cheese, please".





My 3 yr old has always called oatmeal "happy meal"...my 16 mo old says "ut ack" for fruit snack...oh...what fun!
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#106023 - 08/14/03 05:07 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Kansayaku Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,454
metsuretsu
I loved the two year old stage. They are so sweet and cuddly. Yes occasionally they have their moments, but in these rejoice that they are only two, have not in most cases developed an extensive vocabulary, and as toddlers are not expected to always behave themselves.

When tantrums occur, which they most certainly will, look at the situation. They could be acting out due to being tired, hungry or it could be a change in their environment. At this age they have few ways to express themselves and unfortunately, a tantrum is usually one of the most effective.

I found that our responses to tantrums usually make them worse and more frequent.

In the US parents often give in to try to stop the tantrum at hand or pick the child up and take them out af the situation to avoid a scene.

In Japan it is common to see a parent turn away and ignore a toddler when a tantrum insues, waiting until the child is finished and resumes normal behavior before noticing them again.

Obviously, our environment in the US does not allow this in many cases. If it can be done, it works well though for the simple reason that the tantrum is to get our attention, if we do not give our attention then the tantrum is useless.
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#106024 - 08/14/03 05:18 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
DeeQ Offline
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Turnpike Exit 10
Quote:

I loved the two year old stage. They are so sweet and cuddly. Yes occasionally they have their moments, but in these rejoice that they are only two, have not in most cases developed an extensive vocabulary, and as toddlers are not expected to always behave themselves.




I agree K, my son was an angel at 2, it was the whole year of age 3 that drove me nuts.

Skye, the water in the face trick, I like that one! My son, (of course when he was 3) used to refuse to take his medicine (he was prone to ear infections), to the point where he would start gagging and spit it up everywhere. One day, when I was out of patience and already late for work, I sat him in the kitchen sink and told him he couldn't get out until he took his medicine. He took it and after about 4 "sink sits" he started taking his medicine without a hitch.

What does Nanwa say? "Resistance is futile"!!!
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#106025 - 08/14/03 05:39 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
E.E.G.B Offline
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the sandy shore
Skye, congrats on your upcoming nuptials!

RE: the tantrum issue, I remember knowing that if I threw a tantrum I would be yanked out of the store/restaurant/wherever so fast my head would spin. I don't remember it actually happening, but something certainly made that impression upon me!
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#106026 - 08/14/03 06:34 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
waldensouth Offline
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waldensouth
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FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
I know exactly what gave ME that impression. My Mother would just say "If you cry, scream, and embarrass me in this public place, I'll give you something to scream about when we get home!" Worked like a charm for us.
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#106027 - 08/14/03 06:41 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Little Sister Offline
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Posts: 162
Iowa
I remember back when my son was 2 and we were having a birthday party for him and his cousin who was then 4. My son was acting 2 in a big way - mister independent - when one of the grandpa's at the birthday party said "You can be thankful that he has a mind of his own. That will help him out when he's older."

Another time he decided to "act up" was as we were leaving the grocery store. As I was attempting to take control an elderly lady encouraged me in what I was doing. Both of these times wise words were given by those who had been there before and helped me look at things in a different light.

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#106028 - 08/14/03 07:51 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
Brandy Osborne Offline
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Posts: 660
KY
thanks ExGovtBabe... i am 26 years old and mother can still put the fear of God in me ... i attriubte this to being my mom more than my friend when i was little. what she said went and that was the end of it... and now she's one of my best friends and i respect her for not letting me get away with murder!
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#106029 - 08/14/03 08:59 PM Re: Terrible Twos!
KK Offline
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KK
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Posts: 249
Southern California
How about those trips to the emergency room? Those are always fun.

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