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#1153466 - 03/29/09 04:30 PM Driving in NJ!
DeeQ Offline
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Turnpike Exit 10

For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there, these things may come as no surprise. For those who haven't travelled there before, BEWARE!!! Be Prepared!!!

*How To Drive In **Jersey*

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark. Also, Trenton is not pronounced Tren-ton, it is Trent-in.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ)

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second;

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, illegals, drunk illegals, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.

9.. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
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#1153531 - 03/30/09 12:33 PM Re: Driving in NJ! DeeQ
edAudit Offline
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Thanks for number 9 this explains why my GPS always sends me to closed roads and bridges that do not exist. I was also sent past a hotel to an abandoned warehouse good thing it was not in "Trent-in" or "Nork".
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#1153533 - 03/30/09 12:36 PM Re: Driving in NJ! edAudit
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The Land of Tax Free Shopping!
It's Joisey, not Jersey...Jersey is in England. laugh
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#1153535 - 03/30/09 12:44 PM Re: Driving in NJ! DeeQ
Bagweaver Offline
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SW GA
Sounds a LOT like Atlanta!
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#1153536 - 03/30/09 12:45 PM Re: Driving in NJ! Bagweaver
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Originally Posted By: Bagweaver
Sounds a LOT like Atlanta!


Because everyone in Atlanta is from Joisey!
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#1153543 - 03/30/09 12:56 PM Re: Driving in NJ! FBH
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laugh

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#1153544 - 03/30/09 01:10 PM Re: Driving in NJ! Lisa_Bates
HappyGilmore Offline
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Pulling people out of the ditc...
my sister in law is from jersey, I wish she'd move back...big, loud, big hair, loud, too much perfume, loud, obnoxious, loud, rude, loud...
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#1153559 - 03/30/09 01:39 PM Re: Driving in NJ! HappyGilmore
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under the Lone Star
:quickly leaves this thread:
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#1153565 - 03/30/09 01:46 PM Re: Driving in NJ! HappyGilmore
DeeQ Offline
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Turnpike Exit 10
Originally Posted By: Happy Gilmore
my sister in law is from jersey, I wish she'd move back...big, loud, big hair, loud, too much perfume, loud, obnoxious, loud, rude, loud...


eek
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

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#1153567 - 03/30/09 01:47 PM Re: Driving in NJ! HappyGilmore
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Not prison
Originally Posted By: FBH
It's Joisey, not Jersey...Jersey is in England. laugh


i thought jersey was a cow.?

Originally Posted By: Happy Gilmore
my sister in law is from jersey, I wish she'd move back...big, loud, big hair, loud, too much perfume, loud, obnoxious, loud, rude, loud...


DQ is your sister in law? whistle
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#1153569 - 03/30/09 01:47 PM Re: Driving in NJ! kitten
DeeQ Offline
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Turnpike Exit 10
::slaps kitten upside the head::
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#1153578 - 03/30/09 01:54 PM Re: Driving in NJ! DeeQ
kitten Offline
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Not prison
ha! furry slap. didn't hurt. :P
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#1153579 - 03/30/09 01:56 PM Re: Driving in NJ! kitten
HappyGilmore Offline
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Pulling people out of the ditc...
I wish DQ was my SIL...at least there is evidence of brain activity in her smile
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Providing alternative truths since the invention of time

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#1153581 - 03/30/09 01:57 PM Re: Driving in NJ! HappyGilmore
kitten Offline
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Not prison
are you sure?
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#1153586 - 03/30/09 01:58 PM Re: Driving in NJ! kitten
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I hate the EZ-pass guessing game! mad
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#1153600 - 03/30/09 02:08 PM Re: Driving in NJ! HappyGilmore
DeeQ Offline
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Turnpike Exit 10
Originally Posted By: Happy Gilmore
I wish DQ was my SIL...at least there is evidence of brain activity in her smile


Aw shucks, think of the fun we could have! smile
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

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#1153625 - 03/30/09 02:16 PM Re: Driving in NJ! DeeQ
HappyGilmore Offline
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Pulling people out of the ditc...
Originally Posted By: Devil Queen
Originally Posted By: Happy Gilmore
I wish DQ was my SIL...at least there is evidence of brain activity in her smile


Aw shucks, think of the fun we could have! smile


blush
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#1154381 - 03/31/09 01:11 PM Re: Driving in NJ! HappyGilmore
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Kennel
Also, don't forget, if you need to make a left turn, get in the RIGHT lane. This state has more jughandles than a moonshiners storage barn.
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