Why do ducks have flat feet?
-to stomp out forest fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
-to stomp out flaming ducks.

LOL Analyze will have to join Omega and me for that drink. It will be a corny night for all...but just think of the goofy lines we'll have for the next bad joke thread!

How do you fit four elephants in a volkswagon?

Two in front, two in back.

How do you fit four giraffes in a volkswagon?

You can't. It's full from four elephants.

Jack and Lena were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
Lena said "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
Jack said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wiat for my coffee".
Lena replied"NO, you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Jack said, "I can't believe that, show me."
So Lena reached for the Bible, and opened it to the New Testament and showed Jack on the top of several pages, that it indeed says...

"HEBREWS"

Two cows are outstanding in the field (which is not the joke but which cracks me up anyways.....)
First cow: "Moooooo, what do you think about this Mad Cow Disease thing?"
Second cow: "What do I care, I'm a helicopter."

We have slipped into good jokes here folks!

That depends on your definition of a "good joke." I think you're doing just fine keeping with the category so far.

Welcome to Tuesday.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

And for Dawnie:
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A. Because 789!

Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?
So it could hide in the cherry tree.

Did you ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
See how good they hide.

You need only two tools in life- WD-40 and duct tape:
If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40
If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.

what did the fish say when it ran into the wall - dam

what did the beaver say when his house caught fire - hot dam

Q Why did the chicken cross the road?
A To get to the other side.

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Daddy tomato was taking his son for a walk. The little tomato kept lagging behind. Finally Dad stepped on the son and said "Catch up!"

What did the fish say when it swam into the cement wall??


Dam

How can you tell when there's an elephant in your sandwich?
-When it's too heavy to lift.

What do pelicans eat?
-Anything that fits the bill.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
-If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

I can't resist....just one more....

The Pillsbury Dough Boy passed-away today.
The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Celine Dion walks into a bar.


The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

For those of you inclined towards relativistic physics:

So this bar walks into a man...
Oh wait, sorry wrong frame of reference.

Ba-da-boom