I am so sorry to hear about your brother. Your whole family is in my prayers.

I agree with the suggestion above the cat. My husband and I adopted an older cat whose owner had passed away. We have had the cat 2 years and he is a great cat. He is deaf and has arthritis but he is a very affectionate lap cat.

When my mother was dying Hospice told me that her not eating was natural. Her body could not process the food and she lived on 3 glasses of milk a day for a couple of months. If you don't have hospice, I would strongly suggest you give them a call. They are wonderful and will be there to support you, as well as your brother.

(((hugs)))

That is very true, Corky. We need to overcome our need to see people eat. The cying person needs enough for "comfort", not health. It is a tough situation as those of us who have been there can say.

When my mother was so sick the only thing she would eat was beef broth. Many thoughts and prayers are coming your way from Oklahoma. Bless your heart!

The hospice gave us a great little book about the process for the final journey when they assisted us with my grandmother. It really helped us understand about the normal process, which includes not eating. We didn't feel like we were somehow not taking care of her by not trying to push food down her throat. Just be there for him in whatever way he prefers - silence, holding his hand, reading aloud, whatever. He will be comforted just knowing you are there.

I agree with the others regarding Hospice. They can help so much.
Tahdah, you and your brother are in my prayers every night. I ask God to give you strength and that your brother finds peace.
Hugs to you.

I can only agree with what has been said about Hospice. My husband used their services for the last 3 weeks of his life and he died at home surrounded by people that loved him. Hospice proviced meds, nurses, equipment, compassionate counserlors, at no cost.

I also agree with corkygirl, when the body is shutting down it can actually be painful to eat because the body is not processing the food. As caregivers we feel the need to 'feed' our loved one, "if they would just eat a little something they would get their strengh back and feel better"....I think sometimes it's more to make us feel better, because we feel like we are doing something to help.

Hospice provided a morphine pump for us, the oxicontin (sp?) made my husband sleep and he wanted to be more aware, the morhphine cut the pain but helped him be more alert that the other drugs, it may be something you want to ask about. The only issue with morphine that we had was that too much can affect the respitory system and cause breathing issues...but your nurses should be able to adjust the dose.

God Bless You.

Thanks again all. Yesterday 10/26 he appeared to have a stroke, but according to the Docs that was not the case, no use of the right side, slurred speach, couldn't follow doctors fingers and much more. He is in the hospital and they say the CT scan shows no stroke. Did an MRI to see if cancer has spread to the brain (did'nt know the year or President and was confused with his age, but knew his friend called him the night before). Don't know the results. I went to his condo after the emergency visit and his cat attacked me! Just dumped food as best I could inside his door, literally, just put it on the floor, no bowl. I was going to call an animal shelter today but thought that my brother has nothing left but the cat and he deserves to say "good bye" so I'll see if that is possible before I let the cat go.
You know, if anyone ever asked me what my hardest job was I'd say this. I am so tired, thank God I'm unemployed in the highest city, Detroit, I could not do this working. Our oldest brother is not helping because he is in denial, they are only 22 months apart (I may have said this) and I'm 15 years younger, but the relationship has always been strongest between us, go figure.
I'm so greatful I have you guys because I can't afford to pay for counseling. You have been a great release.
I asked the doctors today to only releast him to an extended care facility and they want to have him come back with home care. I recently had that and it is not working. He won't eat, drink or take any meds, but these doctors don't believe this I'm going to fight their orders. He can't come out with home care. They only check vitals and don't stick around for feeding. I'm doing ensure, gatorade, water, puddings, jello, scrambled eggs, etc. He won't eat or drink. I think that is the problem and today the oncoligist said "well that's the cancer". So why won't they keep him in a facility that intervenicily (sp) hydrates and feeds him? I'm so frustated. But God bless all of you that have answered me. I don't feel so alone.

You're a strong person tahdah and doing the best you can. Keep strong. Still keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Dear Tahdah- If it comes down to home care please inquire about Hospice. Those people will be a blessing to you and your brother. As far as your other brother is concerned he will come to terms with his brother in his own time. Even if that time takes a long long time. Don't worry about him.
You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself. God bless you and your brother. May God keep giving you strength and may God give your brother his peace. Hugs to you Tahdah.

I second pjs comments. Hospice was amazingly helpful for several of my family members - and some cities even have a facility where the patient can stay and receive their care. My uncle passed away at a hospice facility.

Hugs and prayers to you Tahdah.

Tahdah, hospice will not only help your brother, they will help you. The not eating and drinking is part of end stage cancer. Hospice workers would be more compassionate in explaining it to you. They are a great resource. Please, reach out to them. Has your brother's oncologist recommend Hospice care?

Prayers for you, Tahdah. Remember to take care of yourself as you help your brother on his journey. In addition to hospice, perhaps your husband's employer has an EAP that could help you.

You might also want to talk to some of the nurses while he is in the hospital. They often have contacts with hospice and other agencies that they are willing to share.

Run, don't walk to the Social Services office at the hospital. They'll help you find placement for your brother if (1)he qualifies and (2)it's available. They have the lists of vacancies at area homes, etc.

Whether you can get him placed or not, call Hospice. YOU need them as much as your brother does.

(I can say all of this based on the five years I spent as a business manager at a nursing home that my daughter was director of nursing at.)

btw, if the cat's been alone all this time with just someone dumping food, it attacked you out of loneliness and dispair. Has anyone been in to clean it's litter box? Lots of cats HATE dirty boxes and get very upset that they can't relieve themselves in the area they know they should. If you're not a cat person, ask a friend who is to go take care of the animal's needs and either spend some time with it or better yet, take it home for a while.

Thoughts and prayers continue.

Truffle, as for the cat, I have one so I understand cats, but not this one. And I can't get to the litter box because it is vicious. And I'm sure it is filled to the gills. I can't bring it here because of my cat. Mine is 12 and will not allow another animal in his territory, been there tried that. I believe it loves him so much that it is protecting their own territory and in essence, protecting him even though he is not there.
To everyone else, he couldn't stay still enough for the brain MRI.
He is not ready to submit to hospice which I am aware of and know that they are wonderful. All I know is that he can't come back here with home care, it didn't work recently and it won't work again. He is doing very well in the hospital with re-hydration and intervenous food and I can't give that to him here, as well as all the 20 or so pills that he won't take at my house.
I also have a job interview on Friday which is quite a feat in the metro Detroit area with a 15.3% unemployment rate and I can't miss this opportunity.
If possible, say a pray for me getting this job, they are few and far between in this market.
Again, thank you for your thoughts, concerns and prayers. I really means alot to me, you can't begin to know. I feel very alone except for you guys.

Go get that job, tahdah! Best of Luck to you with your interview and as I've said before - continued good thoughts and prayers.

Yes! Go get that job! Good luck Tahdah.
As always, continued prayers for you and your brother.

Well, update. I went for the job today in downtown Detroit. Over 2000 people applied for 1, yes 1 job (Obama says we are turning the corner, ?!?!???) I made the cut with 400 hundred others. They tested us for over two hours and I now have to wait about a month to see if I made the last cut. I'm not hopeful. I went from a banking officer to applying for an entry level job which I have no problem with. But while down there they were filming the remake of Red Dawn (with no names that I know of) and " I don't know Jack" about Jack Kervorkian with Al Pacino. What a mess trying to get around with all the street closings. Don't know if you have heard but Michigan has the best film incentives and all kinds of films are being made here, for the time being. Anyway, they have decided to stop chemo to my brother and tomorrow I am meeting with hospice to determine the next faze. According to his doctors the cancer has agressively spread so we are looking at only pain relief and confort. Boy this was fast. I watched Patrick Swayze's wife on Oprah today and I don't have hope that my brother will last as long as him. She said they initially gave him 3 months and each time they saw the doc it was 3 mos. but he lasted 22 mos. Thats not going to happen here. It bugs my husband that I don't ask for a time, but I don't need to know because they don't really know as stated above, 3 mos. turned into 22 mos. 3 mos, could turn into 3 weeks. I don't want to count days.
Thanks for being here for my rumbling. I have an 18 yr old that just doesn't get it. He's an only child and it is not sinking in with him since he has no sibs. Turned to my older brother tonite and he is no help, won't give me any advise. I asked if I should do home hospice (I don't want him dying here) or hospital hospice. He wouldn't give me an opinion. No help at all. So I'll talk to them tomorrow and try to figure out the best for my brother and my family. In the mean time, I need some sleep.

Well Tahdah, you made the cut- so you need to keep that hope alive.
To be honest, I've never heard of hospital hospice. I respect that you do not want your brother dying at your home so if hospital hospice is available you need to take it. No body wants to die alone Tahdah. I hope your older brother will be there for your brother like you have been especially at the end.
I cannot tell you enough that I pray that your brother finds peace before he dies.
God bless you! I keep asking God to give you strength.

Some hospices have facilities where the patients can stay. My uncle passed away in a facility like that. My aunt wasn't able to care for him at all at home <she was 84>.

Well, I made my decision today after talking to Hospice. If I take him out of the hospital and take him to nursing care with hospice he will have 20 days paid 100% and 80 days at 80%. If I bring him home with full paid hospice care he won't have that,(no paid skilled nursing care,) so the decision has been made based on the care that medicare will pay. I will have him taken to a nursing facility Monday since I can't care for him and have him sent back for any other care. This would'nt be my first choice but apparently it it now my only choice for the best health care that he can get. If he had been an auto worker, arrording to the soc worker, he would have been covered for life. Remember that Obama ( little that you may know) gave UAW workers an extrememly generour new health policy, they won't have to take the poliicy that the rest of us have to. It's a little known secret.

tahdah, May you have the strength you need to get thru this with your brother. My heart goes out to you and all the decisions you are having to make. Many {{{{{HUGS}}}}} are coming your way!

A day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time - you and yours will get through this. Hugs and prayers your way -

My brother lost his battle this morning. I'm very say but want to thank everyone here for their. I'm in a bitter sweet moment, kind of mad at God that my brother is gone and accepting his disicion. The good news is that everyone of our family was in some way called together yesterday. I was at the nursing facility, which I had to put him into, and my older brother, SIl, neice and great neice arrivied. Later , by husband went to check and even later he was transfrreed to a hospital. I was able to go there with my husband, his best friend and our 18 year old son, so we all saw him before he left us. I'm sorry if this is distorted . I'm trying to get used to life without my best friend and brother. I'm not sure how to do this.
Staurday will be his funeral, I can't stop crying. I'm done for now/