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#1292622 - 11/24/09 07:23 PM In need of some advice
RR Sarah Offline
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I'm having a bit of a dilema. My best friend and her husband are struggling financially right now. He runs his own business that is related to the construction field and there just isn't any work out there right now. She is worried about Christmas (two kids and a grandchild). They are making ends meet for the time being but there isn't any extra for Christmas gifts. While I do not have a lot of money I do have some in savings and I would gladly borrow her some cash to get her through the holidays. I just don't know if I should offer?

One option I did think of was to purchase a gift card and give it to her anonymously. I'm pretty sure that she would figure out it came from me though.

I just don't want to offend or embarrass her. Any suggestions or should I just stay out of it?
Last edited by RR Sarah; 11/24/09 07:25 PM.
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#1292656 - 11/24/09 07:38 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Sarah
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One of the best things to come out of these horrible times is the caring people are showing for one another. How wonderful of you to want to help, Sarah.

Don't lend her the money. Lending money to family or friends ruins the relationship more often than not. Go ahead and get the gift card. Give it to her and tell her that it's just a token of what her friendship means to you.

Happy Holidays to you both!

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#1292662 - 11/24/09 07:40 PM Re: In need of some advice Truffle Royale
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Maybe you could help impress upon her that Christmas isn't about giving gifts - contrary to a lot of people's beliefs.
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#1292734 - 11/24/09 08:05 PM Re: In need of some advice Skittles
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I have a good friend who is going through some really rough financial times. I act as a sounding board for her, offer advice when I can, take her out for dinner once in awhile. The last thing she wants (or needs) is more debt.

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#1292766 - 11/24/09 08:15 PM Re: In need of some advice hmdagal
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Do the gift card or invite her over for a Christmas dinner with one of those "re-gift" gift exchanges--don't need to buy anything for that and can be very entertaining.
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#1292822 - 11/24/09 08:40 PM Re: In need of some advice Dip
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Sarah, you said she had kids and a gran that she was worried about, right? That's why she can't go with the idea of no gifts. She doesn't want to disappoint her kids.

She's your best friend so just talk to her. I'm sure she's given and done things for you over the years and all you want to do is return the favor. A hug and the promise of her continued friendship is all you want in return.

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#1292833 - 11/24/09 08:47 PM Re: In need of some advice Truffle Royale
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Yes, Truff, she is worried about making Christmas special for her kids and grandkid. She is a very giving person and has been one of the best friends I have ever had. I think I will do the gift card. She helped me so much when my mom was sick and after she died, I would just like to help her out.
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#1292871 - 11/24/09 09:02 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Sarah
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out of the frying pan...
How old are the kids and grandkid? We held a family vote one year because money was tight and our kitten had been caught in the fanbelt when Dad cranked the car. We had to decide whetehr to have Christmas presents or save the cat. All three of us (my brother, sister, and I) voted to save the cat. We were all under 13. The point of my story is that if the kids are old enough to understand tight finances, they'll understand if presents aren't quite up to par. Whichever kid has the grand should definitely be understanding.
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#1292893 - 11/24/09 09:11 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Becca
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Her daughter has a two year old and the father is the poster child for dead beat dads.

And typically they don't go overboard at Christmas anyway but I think she would like to be able to give each of them a little something. And she would NEVER ask to borrow money.
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#1292906 - 11/24/09 09:17 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Sarah
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What about a suggestion to make gifts or bake cookies this year? If you do it as a group then that would take the pressure off and give everyone a chance to save a little money on presents.
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#1292920 - 11/24/09 09:22 PM Re: In need of some advice Sing A Little
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out of the frying pan...
Maybe you could give her the gift card as your present to her? Maybe help out with a gift or with baking cookies for the 2 year old (great idea Sing!).
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#1292949 - 11/24/09 09:37 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Becca
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She asked me not to buy her a gift this year (we usually exchange gifts). I said that I wouldn't but then she really looked at me and said, "please"...because she knows I'm not always good at doing what I'm told! wink
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#1293138 - 11/25/09 11:56 AM Re: In need of some advice RR Sarah
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Your a good person Sarah - I would do the gift card too, if in your shoes. God bless your friend and her family. They're in my prayers.
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#1293148 - 11/25/09 12:40 PM Re: In need of some advice Tigg
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If she was that adament about not exchanging gifts, would she take offense to the gift card? Not trying to be devil's advocate here, but pride does tend to get in the way of seeing good intentions.

I have a friend that has been in a similar situation and I know she won't take money of any sorts from me. I can usually get around by taking her to lunch (my treat) and then finding out what the family needs and getting those items - whether gifts to give to her granddaughter or household needs for her. Could you play Santa this year - find out what the kids and granddaughter likes/needs and get the gifts to give from "Santa."

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#1293199 - 11/25/09 01:49 PM Re: In need of some advice NotPerfect
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Could you get small (lower cost) presents for the kids and grand and have a local Santa deliver them on Christmas Eve? Maybe y'all could get together that night for dinner at her house to really make it a party atmosphere.
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#1293219 - 11/25/09 02:00 PM Re: In need of some advice Bagweaver
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out of the frying pan...
Maybe give her the gift card and tell her, "It's not for you, it's for the grandbaby." Then you haven't really given her anything (since she asked you not to) but you still get to help out with the kid.
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#1293257 - 11/25/09 02:19 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Becca
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Think BARTER! Is there a tiny repair/remodeling project you or someone you know can send to the husband? Replace a ceiling fan, put in a light fixture, paint a wall... Is there some project you've been putting off that she or her daughter can do to earn money? If they can organize a yard sale, maybe you can help advertise it....

There is pride involved here, and there's far greater pleasure for them if they feel that they've earned $ than simply received charity....
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#1293281 - 11/25/09 02:28 PM Re: In need of some advice Phoenix
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Thank you all for your suggestions. Yes, pride is playing a huge role in this so I need to approach this very carefully. I have some very good options from this thread and one way or another I will help them out.
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#1293301 - 11/25/09 02:36 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Sarah
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Sarah, your pal is lucky to have a friend like you. smile

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#1293312 - 11/25/09 02:40 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Becca
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only if I want to....
didn't you say that she has helped you through some tough times with family sickness & death? Just let her know that she was a source of comfort and help as well as a blessing to you through some dark difficult days and you would like to return the blessing to her! I believe that's what life is all about...in so many aspects! We can be a blessing and are blessed in comforting, love, advice, money, food, friendship, hugs, a smile, a kind word, family...the lists goes on and on!!!

What an amazing thing you are doing Sarah! smile May it return to you 10 fold!
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#1293414 - 11/25/09 03:28 PM Re: In need of some advice RR Becca
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Originally Posted By: RR Becca
Maybe give her the gift card and tell her, "It's not for you, it's for the grandbaby." Then you haven't really given her anything (since she asked you not to) but you still get to help out with the kid.


This is what I would do. I would tell her that it is as much for you and the children as for her. Helping her stress level, in any way, helps you. This is not a "tangible" gift you are giving her, but a sign of true frienship, being there for her as she has always been there for you.
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#1293895 - 11/25/09 07:29 PM Re: In need of some advice KTMiteComply
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Originally Posted By: KTMiteComply
didn't you say that she has helped you through some tough times with family sickness & death? Just let her know that she was a source of comfort and help as well as a blessing to you through some dark difficult days and you would like to return the blessing to her! I believe that's what life is all about...in so many aspects! We can be a blessing and are blessed in comforting, love, advice, money, food, friendship, hugs, a smile, a kind word, family...the lists goes on and on!!!

What an amazing thing you are doing Sarah! smile May it return to you 10 fold!


I like this idea if you really feel like you need to give something. Like some have said, it is tough all over, and Christmas isn't all about the gifts.

We voted this year to really trim back the gifts, times are tight. We are getting together and enjoying each others company.

God Bless you for whatever you decide.
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#1294271 - 11/26/09 05:18 AM Re: In need of some advice DD Regs
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Wow, this thread brings a tear to my eye. Thank you for the reminder of what Christmas is really about... friends wanting so badly to help friends. Sarah, my prayers are with you and this family. I have confidence that whatever you decide will be the right thing.

I'd go the barter route - "hire" them to do some project for you and "pay" them with a Toys R Us gift card and a huge hug.
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#1295305 - 11/30/09 02:42 PM Re: In need of some advice BurntSienna
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Thank you all so much. I have a lot to think about!
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