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#1292622 - 11/24/09 07:23 PM
In need of some advice
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Power Poster
Joined: Mar 2004
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Up North
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I'm having a bit of a dilema. My best friend and her husband are struggling financially right now. He runs his own business that is related to the construction field and there just isn't any work out there right now. She is worried about Christmas (two kids and a grandchild). They are making ends meet for the time being but there isn't any extra for Christmas gifts. While I do not have a lot of money I do have some in savings and I would gladly borrow her some cash to get her through the holidays. I just don't know if I should offer?
One option I did think of was to purchase a gift card and give it to her anonymously. I'm pretty sure that she would figure out it came from me though.
I just don't want to offend or embarrass her. Any suggestions or should I just stay out of it?
Last edited by RR Sarah; 11/24/09 07:25 PM.
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#1292662 - 11/24/09 07:40 PM
Re: In need of some advice
Truffle Royale
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TN
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Maybe you could help impress upon her that Christmas isn't about giving gifts - contrary to a lot of people's beliefs.
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#1292766 - 11/24/09 08:15 PM
Re: In need of some advice
hmdagal
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San Diego, CA
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Do the gift card or invite her over for a Christmas dinner with one of those "re-gift" gift exchanges--don't need to buy anything for that and can be very entertaining.
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#1292833 - 11/24/09 08:47 PM
Re: In need of some advice
Truffle Royale
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Yes, Truff, she is worried about making Christmas special for her kids and grandkid. She is a very giving person and has been one of the best friends I have ever had. I think I will do the gift card. She helped me so much when my mom was sick and after she died, I would just like to help her out.
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#1292871 - 11/24/09 09:02 PM
Re: In need of some advice
RR Sarah
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Joined: Sep 2004
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out of the frying pan...
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How old are the kids and grandkid? We held a family vote one year because money was tight and our kitten had been caught in the fanbelt when Dad cranked the car. We had to decide whetehr to have Christmas presents or save the cat. All three of us (my brother, sister, and I) voted to save the cat. We were all under 13. The point of my story is that if the kids are old enough to understand tight finances, they'll understand if presents aren't quite up to par. Whichever kid has the grand should definitely be understanding.
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#1292893 - 11/24/09 09:11 PM
Re: In need of some advice
RR Becca
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Her daughter has a two year old and the father is the poster child for dead beat dads.
And typically they don't go overboard at Christmas anyway but I think she would like to be able to give each of them a little something. And she would NEVER ask to borrow money.
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#1292906 - 11/24/09 09:17 PM
Re: In need of some advice
RR Sarah
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CA
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What about a suggestion to make gifts or bake cookies this year? If you do it as a group then that would take the pressure off and give everyone a chance to save a little money on presents.
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He who sings scares away his woes. ~Cervantes
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#1292920 - 11/24/09 09:22 PM
Re: In need of some advice
Sing A Little
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Joined: Sep 2004
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out of the frying pan...
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Maybe you could give her the gift card as your present to her? Maybe help out with a gift or with baking cookies for the 2 year old (great idea Sing!).
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#1293138 - 11/25/09 11:56 AM
Re: In need of some advice
RR Sarah
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Looking for My Happy Place....
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Your a good person Sarah - I would do the gift card too, if in your shoes. God bless your friend and her family. They're in my prayers.
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#1293148 - 11/25/09 12:40 PM
Re: In need of some advice
Tigg
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If she was that adament about not exchanging gifts, would she take offense to the gift card? Not trying to be devil's advocate here, but pride does tend to get in the way of seeing good intentions.
I have a friend that has been in a similar situation and I know she won't take money of any sorts from me. I can usually get around by taking her to lunch (my treat) and then finding out what the family needs and getting those items - whether gifts to give to her granddaughter or household needs for her. Could you play Santa this year - find out what the kids and granddaughter likes/needs and get the gifts to give from "Santa."
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#1293199 - 11/25/09 01:49 PM
Re: In need of some advice
NotPerfect
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Joined: Nov 2005
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SW GA
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Could you get small (lower cost) presents for the kids and grand and have a local Santa deliver them on Christmas Eve? Maybe y'all could get together that night for dinner at her house to really make it a party atmosphere.
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#1293219 - 11/25/09 02:00 PM
Re: In need of some advice
Bagweaver
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Joined: Sep 2004
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out of the frying pan...
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Maybe give her the gift card and tell her, "It's not for you, it's for the grandbaby." Then you haven't really given her anything (since she asked you not to) but you still get to help out with the kid.
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#1293257 - 11/25/09 02:19 PM
Re: In need of some advice
RR Becca
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Joined: May 2003
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southeast
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Think BARTER! Is there a tiny repair/remodeling project you or someone you know can send to the husband? Replace a ceiling fan, put in a light fixture, paint a wall... Is there some project you've been putting off that she or her daughter can do to earn money? If they can organize a yard sale, maybe you can help advertise it....
There is pride involved here, and there's far greater pleasure for them if they feel that they've earned $ than simply received charity....
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#1293281 - 11/25/09 02:28 PM
Re: In need of some advice
Phoenix
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Thank you all for your suggestions. Yes, pride is playing a huge role in this so I need to approach this very carefully. I have some very good options from this thread and one way or another I will help them out.
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#1293312 - 11/25/09 02:40 PM
Re: In need of some advice
RR Becca
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,298
only if I want to....
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didn't you say that she has helped you through some tough times with family sickness & death? Just let her know that she was a source of comfort and help as well as a blessing to you through some dark difficult days and you would like to return the blessing to her! I believe that's what life is all about...in so many aspects! We can be a blessing and are blessed in comforting, love, advice, money, food, friendship, hugs, a smile, a kind word, family...the lists goes on and on!!! What an amazing thing you are doing Sarah! May it return to you 10 fold!
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Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart...Prov 3:5-6
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#1293414 - 11/25/09 03:28 PM
Re: In need of some advice
RR Becca
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Oklahoma
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Maybe give her the gift card and tell her, "It's not for you, it's for the grandbaby." Then you haven't really given her anything (since she asked you not to) but you still get to help out with the kid. This is what I would do. I would tell her that it is as much for you and the children as for her. Helping her stress level, in any way, helps you. This is not a "tangible" gift you are giving her, but a sign of true frienship, being there for her as she has always been there for you.
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#1293895 - 11/25/09 07:29 PM
Re: In need of some advice
KTMiteComply
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,132
Somewhere in the middle
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didn't you say that she has helped you through some tough times with family sickness & death? Just let her know that she was a source of comfort and help as well as a blessing to you through some dark difficult days and you would like to return the blessing to her! I believe that's what life is all about...in so many aspects! We can be a blessing and are blessed in comforting, love, advice, money, food, friendship, hugs, a smile, a kind word, family...the lists goes on and on!!! What an amazing thing you are doing Sarah! May it return to you 10 fold! I like this idea if you really feel like you need to give something. Like some have said, it is tough all over, and Christmas isn't all about the gifts. We voted this year to really trim back the gifts, times are tight. We are getting together and enjoying each others company. God Bless you for whatever you decide.
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#1294271 - 11/26/09 05:18 AM
Re: In need of some advice
DD Regs
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Midwest
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Wow, this thread brings a tear to my eye. Thank you for the reminder of what Christmas is really about... friends wanting so badly to help friends. Sarah, my prayers are with you and this family. I have confidence that whatever you decide will be the right thing. I'd go the barter route - "hire" them to do some project for you and "pay" them with a Toys R Us gift card and a huge hug.
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#1295305 - 11/30/09 02:42 PM
Re: In need of some advice
BurntSienna
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Up North
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Thank you all so much. I have a lot to think about!
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