Crosses HappyGoLucky off invite list ...

Cross me off too, I've been to both in the last two months and it was a toss up for me which was more depressing! Though I did get a nice catered meal at the wedding......

Party poopers!

I attended both a wedding and a funeral within a few months of each other last year. Neither was a depressing experience.

I agree with you Becka, both can be positive events. Though I can see how a funeral could be depressing, I am wondering in what twisted world how a wedding can be sad? I always feel happy for the couple and to me it seems more exciting than anything!

I realyl liek TR's cakes at each table thing. My cousin did that, btu onyl cut the one cake at the head table. I really liek the idea of cuttign each cake and giving that tabel some attention and photo ops

It goes along with the idea of inviting who you really know not people you feel obligated to invite. My daughter and her husband had to KNOW the people at each table or it could have been awkward.

btw, at the time she married, my daughter was DON at a nursing home near our house. She didn't want to invite all her staff and some of them would be on duty anyway. Not to mention that all the residents and their families were excited about my daughter's wedding. So, after the ceremony but before the receiption, the entire wedding party went to the nursing home where the cook had a big wedding sheet cake for the residents' dessert that night. It was lovely to watch all the residents and the employees who wanted to see her share the day too.

Bottom line, weddings come in all shapes and sizes these days. Anything goes from just the happy couple barefoot on the beach to overindulgent bashes for hundreds. I just don't think Starry should HAVE to invite anyone she doesn't want to share the day with. If she's close to some of her co-workers than fine. But if she's just feeling obligated, I say don't do it. They might breath a sigh of relief at not having to come either.

Wow Truff. That's just awesome. What an amazing gesture.

Cause the groom thinks he's sitting on top of the world, but us poor married saps know what he's really getting in to!!!

Let me clarify if I may. The funeral obviously was depressing because my best friend's father had passed away suddenly the day after a celebration of his 50th wedding anniversary. I was sad for the loss that my friend and his family had suffered, but because his father was so healthy and active all of his 75 years - there was a positive in that he died the way he wanted to with no suffering and still doing the things he loved to do right up to the end.

As for the wedding - it was likely a very happy and festive occasion for 99% of the people there but for me, at this difficult time in my life it was very depressing. I am going through a bitter divorce so it was difficult on many levels. It was the first wedding that I have attended alone in 25 years and as with any married person the event brought back a lot of memories of my own wedding and what a happy occasion that was for me and my wife. To me it was very depressing to see how we have gone from the happy newlyweds to where we are now. The highlight was when they passed around cards for the guests to write words of wisdom for the happy couple - I honestly am not qualified to offer any advise on how to have a happy, successful marriage!

Probably more clarification than was necessary, but I needed to let that out.

By the way, the only thing worse than trying to figure out your guest list is feeling obligated to attend a wedding of a co-worker that you do not know well - good choice by inviting only those that you are close to. Good luck with your wedding planning and your marriage!

I lost this fight with my mother. Hubby and I wanted a SMALL, outdoor, simple wedding with just close friends and family. We were completely overridden by both our mothers and ended up with a big church bash that neither of us liked. The reception was the only thing we got our way on - mostly - but we were so stressed by that point that neither of us really even remember much of it. I didn't know nearly half of the 200 people who attended.

You have to be really careful with this though, because too many tables want to yack it up with the new couple instead of graciously allowing them a brief visit and move on... my cousin did this and it took almost an hour and a half to get throw half the tables... the other half got fed up waiting and just cut their own! depending how large the reception, it can really through the whole evening out of whack.

Jay's right about the individual cakes probably not working at a big reception. My daughter's wedding was an example of how to please everyone and do what you want at the same time through inventive thinking and stategic planning. imho, you want to avoid RR Becca's frustration and bad memories at all costs. Bottom line, it's your wedding.

I pulled that line on my mother. She answered, "Not as long as we're paying for it, it's not. This is OUR party." Looking back we should have walked away from their $ and just done the courthouse thing, but we were young and stupid, all our friends were having these HUGE weddings (ours was miniscule by comparison), and we still thought we had to do what our mothers told us to.

In my dad's defense, he told me when he wrote me the 'wedding check' that if we were smart we'd have a courthouse wedding, throw a party for our friends, and then save the rest. Then my mother took over.

my brother and his wife were offered big wedding with everything or small wedding with immediate family only and her dad would give them the money he was going to spend for a down payment on a house...they took the house. Other brother was offered same, and his wife said big wedding...

i wasn't offered either, our wedding was fairly small...

My parents are also paying the down payment for a house over paying for the wedding. I would rather have it that way. My fiance and I can now plan things they way we want them and spend on things we feel are important rather than ask for my parents to do so.

thomasj: i can understand your point of view here. everyone has a different experience with an event and is in a different place in their life. thanks for sharing.

My advise is to get what YOU both want. Don't settle for keeping the peace. You don't want to remember your big day as the time everyone else got their way and you didn't.

One sweet thing at my wedding - I had one grandmother/neighbor bring up her little bitty grandaughter that wanted to see "Cinderella" up close. How wonderful is that?

How cute

I am a senior person at my bank and I sometimes feel like I get invited to events because they think I am going to give lots of $$$$$$. Invite those you are close with and the rest will understand. It does not make sense to invite anyone else.

I just got married in May. I invited my boss and my friend that I've worked with for years and one other co-worker. I explained to people when they asked that we are on a tight budget, that it's mostly family that was attending. No hard feelings at all with anyone--I work at a very small bank.

I saved up my own money to get married and then ended up buying a house instead,(because my mom was trying to take over and make it this huge thing) sometime later we went to a tacky wedding chapel in Vegas. I'd prolly do it again too, the house lasts a lot longer than a wedding.

Except I never did get to wear the dress.

We had a large wedding, but everyone chipped in. We split the costs into thirds, with us taking a part and each set of parents taking a part. Both sets of parents came up with their guests lists, but we had to actually know the people they invited for them to get the ok.

We had a great time with 200+ guests and people still talk about our wedding 11 years later. I was so happy that we all pitched in and had a great party that didn't strap anyone financially.