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#1339201 - 02/06/10 12:50 AM Re: Funny things customers say! Bacon Boy
Spivol Offline
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Spivol
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Tulsa, Ok
I can't say that I've ever gone to Wal-Mart looking for an enima kit. I wouldn't mind seeing the look on one of their employee's face if someone asked though.
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#1339202 - 02/06/10 12:56 AM Re: Funny things customers say! Bacon Boy
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Posts: 45
They are near the pharmacy by the laxatives. No need to unnecessarily go to the adult-themed store.

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#1339458 - 02/08/10 04:51 PM Re: Funny things customers say! BoBo
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Situation: Customer walks in and slaps a check on the counter. They then look at me without saying a word.

Me (rubbing my temples): "I'm sorry sir, my psychic powers aren't working today. What would you like to do with that check?"

We had a good laugh. The shocked look on my tellers' faces was priceless. It's fun being a smart a$$ sometimes, you just have to pick your victim carefully.

Favorite way to count money back: "One for you, one for me..."

_____________________________________

I agree that bankers get waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too much information! We're not your therapist. I think that some people just like to talk to a captive audience because nobody wants to hear about it. I think the sickest TMI moment for me was: "My wife is really sick. She has explosive diarrhea and last night she $*** all over me in bed." That or: "I just had surgery and the wound won't close, wanna see?" Without the chance to say no I got a nice view of her intestines. It was all I could do not to vomit on the spot.

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#1339459 - 02/08/10 04:53 PM Re: Funny things customers say! dknutson
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Originally Posted By: dknutson

Favorite way to count money back: "One for you, one for me..."


Ha ha if only that actually worked.
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#1339471 - 02/08/10 05:05 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Spook-a-Muffin
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Originally Posted By: Spook-a-Muffin
Originally Posted By: dknutson

Favorite way to count money back: "One for you, one for me..."


Ha ha if only that actually worked.


I had a lot of fun with this on April Fools Day. I'd double what they were getting for cash back, count it like that and put the rest in my drawer. The customer would be confused and ask: "aren't you giving me the rest of my money." I'd reply: "I did, count it." cool Again, you have to choose your audience carefully but it can be really fun. Give it a try!!

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#1339476 - 02/08/10 05:09 PM Re: Funny things customers say! dknutson
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Oh i dare not. My group of customers tend not to have a giggle box.
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#1339506 - 02/08/10 05:35 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Spook-a-Muffin
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Somewhere in the middle
Originally Posted By: Spook-a-Muffin
Oh i dare not. My group of customers tend not to have a giggle box.


Don't mess with texas laugh
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#1339515 - 02/08/10 05:41 PM Re: Funny things customers say! DD Regs
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Precisely!
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#1339686 - 02/08/10 08:25 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Spook-a-Muffin
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When I was a teller I had a young man send in a check with 'for graduation' in the memo line. But the guy hadn't signed the back of the check. So I sent it back out to him and requested that he endorse the check......Got a blank look back and then he asked "Whats that mean?" I wanted to just keep the check and tell him to go back to school!!!!

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#1339724 - 02/08/10 08:57 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Spook-a-Muffin
HappyGilmore Offline
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Posts: 19,602
Pulling people out of the ditc...
Originally Posted By: Spook-a-Muffin
Its one thing to try to help me out, but when it is my banks policy (which i had already informed him of in a pm), and then he continues to pursue it, he is just pushing the matter.


Believe it or not, more than just you and I read this thread. yes, in a PM you were quite rude with me after I provided information that could prevent your bank from being sued; that is your right to do. However, other people reading this thread have also sent me PMs saying "wow, I didn't know that. Thanks for informing me." So, please get off your high horse and think that I'm pursuing anything for you or with you. Nothing could be further from the truth.
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#1339741 - 02/08/10 09:06 PM Re: Funny things customers say! HappyGilmore
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Hoosier Country
Peace, children of the world... smile

~*~*~ clearing the air ~*~*~

Ok, now back to stupid customers.

When I was running the ops department, I was also (unfortunately) in charge of levies and garnishments. Two stories:

1. Account gets slapped with child support levy from the state. I place the money on hold and send the proper notification to the customer. His wife is not on the account and the letter is only addressed to the husband. She opens his mail and sees the child support levy. She calls me SCREAMING demanding to know the name of the child, the name of the child's mother, when was the child born, and WTF is going on?!!! For one, I don't have that info, and even if I did I wouldn't give it to her. OMG, that was so ridiculous. Basically, the wife had no idea that her husband got another woman pregnant years before and that he hadn't paid a cent of child support since. They both came in a few hours later and wanted to speak with me in private and I just wanted to die. The atmosphere in that room was horrid - the wife was crying, the husband looked like he was about to have a heart attack and I just kept saying that "No, I really don't know who this child is... No, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl... No, I don't know when he or she was born..." UGH!!!

2. Another garnishment situation. Joint account, wife calls me after getting notification that their funds are frozen. She then proceeds to say this "Listen, let me ask you something - woman to woman... I went in my husband's truck last week and I found a condom in his glove box. We don't use condoms. What do you think? Is he cheating on me? Should I leave? What would YOU do?!" I got off that phonecall as soon as I could... Double UGH!!!
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#1339746 - 02/08/10 09:11 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Aggs
Peepers Offline
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You had the best customers, EVER!

1) your answers should have been: the child is now an entertainer worth millions; he was a boy, until the operation; he/she was born in the back of a pick up truck

2) I think he's being overly protective; yes, he's cheating on you; you should stay with him, you really have nothing to offer society on your own; I would go John Wayne Bobbit on him
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#1339751 - 02/08/10 09:18 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Aggs
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Ohio
Originally Posted By: Agnessa
"Listen, let me ask you something - woman to woman... I went in my husband's truck last week and I found a condom in his glove box. We don't use condoms. What do you think? Is he cheating on me? Should I leave? What would YOU do?!" I got off that phonecall as soon as I could... Double UGH!!!


laugh

I had a guy come in on a Friday asking about a weird charge through his debit card. I don't recognize the name associated with the charge and I call our operations department and get the 800 number associated with the charge, as well as the time and place. It's a California merchant and the charge had just happened maybe an hour or so before the guy came in. I call the 800 number and it's an automated line...

with a sultry-sounding woman speaking...

for vixen.com (I can't remember the exact name of the website)

It gives an extensive list of options pertaining to multiple porny-sounding websites that I probably shouldn't repeat here. I try to restrain my laughter and hang up the phone.

I then see other pending charges to the debit card for sites like amazon.com and dell.com. I call the operations department again for times on the other charges- they're within 30 minutes of the vixen charge. We clearly have a case of buyers remorse here.

I ask him:
Buccs: Hey, Steve- were you home this morning?
Steve: Yeah, been home all day! Just hanging around the house, doing some online shopping.
eek

I then tell the guy that he's free to dispute the charge, but we will investigate it and get back to him. He fills out the form and thanks me multiple times for the help, and then offers to shake my hand as he leaves his desk. As I know what he's probably been doing earlier in the day, I politely decline and say that I have a bit of a cold.

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#1339752 - 02/08/10 09:18 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Peepers
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Hoosier Country
Those women were SCARY. LOL

When I was a teller, I had all these customers who thought I would be impressed by their "huge" deposits. I had one guy who came in with a check he got for the sale of his house. He was like "I'm about to give the biggest check you'll see this week" all proud of himself. It was for $25,000. Ooooh, I deposit those all day long sir wink I didn't burst his bubble though, I just smiled and acted impressed with his fortune.
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#1339754 - 02/08/10 09:19 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Buccs
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Hoosier Country
Originally Posted By: Buccs
He fills out the form and thanks me multiple times for the help, and then offers to shake my hand as he leaves his desk. As I know what he's probably been doing earlier in the day, I politely decline and say that I have a bit of a cold.


Hah hah, good call! laugh
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#1339764 - 02/08/10 09:35 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Aggs
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Oh, and how can I forget the best story ever?! LMAO laugh

When I was just starting out as a teller, I had this couple come in to deposit a check into their joint account. The check was payable to the husband and wife AND another individual, who apparently signed the check. The people were Polish (I could tell from their names) and when I said that I would be happy to deposit it if I could verify the 3rd payee's signature, they got pretty mad. The guy was like "it's my sister and she's not here, blah blah blah" and my suggestions of providing a copy of a DL or some other id were not going over well. So the couple breaks into this private conversation at my teller window - IN POLISH - and they start calling me names: moron, idiot, b88ch, you name it and something like "this moron is so stupid, she has no idea what she's doing, etc."

So I calmly look at them and answer back - IN POLISH - "This moron certainly does know what she's doing AND she can understand Polish"

The look on their faces was PRICELESS. I will never, ever forget it! They grabbed the check and ran out of there!!! Hah hah hah!!! laugh

And that is why you can't assume that if you speak in your foreign language the person in front of you won't understand! Idiots!!!
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#1339768 - 02/08/10 09:40 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Aggs
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Ohio
laugh

Your life must be awesome Agnessa!

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#1339769 - 02/08/10 09:40 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Aggs
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Yeah, I had a guy come in to dispute a charge from porn-king.com once. That was a funny one. Then there was the kid who took his mom's debit card to sign up for a bunch of different porn sites. What was he thinking? Was he expecting her not to notice the $200 missing from her account each month? That was a fun one to explain.

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#1339772 - 02/08/10 09:45 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Buccs
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Hoosier Country
Originally Posted By: Buccs
laugh

Your life must be awesome Agnessa!


Nah, not really smile

But I do love it when I hear people speaking a language I can understand. laugh

My family's rule is ALWAYS to speak only the language that the others around us can understand. Otherwise it's very rude. We're all multi-lingual, but we speak English 100% when we're here in the US. We go overseas to visit friends/family, we speak the language of the country we're in. We never want to make anyone feel like they are not part of the conversation. It's a bad feeling - you don't know if you're being talked about!

The only exceptions are my poor husband and daughter. I've been teaching her some Polish and German, but she gets annoyed with me. My husband doesn't know anything but English. So when I took him to Poland and Sweden, I had to do "double speak" - talk to everyone in their native tongue, then immediately turn to my DH and translate. LOL Unless we're around people who speak English, then we all talk in English so he's not left out.
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#1339784 - 02/08/10 09:51 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Aggs
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I don't even begin to understand how someone becomes fluent in 2 languages, much less multiple. I suppose early exposure probably helps because let me tell you learning Spanish was harder than calculus!

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#1339796 - 02/08/10 09:58 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Buccs
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^^^^ exposes himself
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#1339860 - 02/08/10 10:48 PM Re: Funny things customers say! dknutson
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Up North
Originally Posted By: dknutson
Yeah, I had a guy come in to dispute a charge from porn-king.com once. That was a funny one. Then there was the kid who took his mom's debit card to sign up for a bunch of different porn sites. What was he thinking? Was he expecting her not to notice the $200 missing from her account each month? That was a fun one to explain.


We had a customer come in to dispute an ACH debit that had been coming out of her checking account monthly for the past three years! It was a monthly subscription to some porn site and we were able to trace it back to her son (his name was on the subscription). Anyway, she refused to believe it was her son (he was 18 at the time) and wanted to know what we were going to do about it. Um, hello, if you only look at your statement once every threes years, there isn't much we can do about it!!
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#1339868 - 02/08/10 10:54 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Peepers
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My second week as a banker at a mega-bank this guy comes in to find out where his money has all gone and why we stole it. We pull recent history and statements. When all is said and done he was disputing about $14,000 in debit card and ATM transactions over the last 4 months. Naturally this needs a bit more investigation so we start asking about the charges. There are 3 ATM cash withdrawals from a local bar 2 nights earlier and we want to know why he thinks those are unauthorized. He says: "Well I was there the other night and I remember taking out the first $200. But I don't recall taking out $200 those other two times!" Well duh, you were sloshed!!! crazy

The fraud department denied the whole claim. Thankfully he didn't come in again! eek

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#1339883 - 02/08/10 11:11 PM Re: Funny things customers say! Plain Old Tom
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We had a lady at my former bank who would come in all the time with fraud disputes at ATMs. She convinced a couple of employees she didn't know how to use the ATM and the bank credited her back the withdrawals. She did this, seriously, 6 times until finally we closed her card and refused to issue another. It was over $1,000 she took out at the ATM and was given back. Nuts!
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#1339909 - 02/09/10 02:26 AM Re: Funny things customers say! Plain Old Tom
Spivol Offline
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Tulsa, Ok
Originally Posted By: Plain Old Tom
My second week as a banker at a mega-bank this guy comes in to find out where his money has all gone and why we stole it. We pull recent history and statements. When all is said and done he was disputing about $14,000 in debit card and ATM transactions over the last 4 months. Naturally this needs a bit more investigation so we start asking about the charges. There are 3 ATM cash withdrawals from a local bar 2 nights earlier and we want to know why he thinks those are unauthorized. He says: "Well I was there the other night and I remember taking out the first $200. But I don't recall taking out $200 those other two times!" Well duh, you were sloshed!!! crazy

The fraud department denied the whole claim. Thankfully he didn't come in again! eek



When I would have customers like this come in, which seemed to be on a regular basis, I would tell them that I was more than happy to oblige them but that our bank charged a reconciliation fee of $20.00 per hour and if the charges were not able to be credited, we would charge them for every hour spent. That ususally made them rethink their claims, if they were just being greedy.
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