So I have started dating someone else in the bank. I am (kind of) an up-and-coming officer. I'm not an officer in the bank....yet....I know I'm being trained to be one. I am constantly working with the Chairman, the President, and all the VPs (we are a small community bank, with 2 branches). She is a teller, and a loan assistant, that just started in May. We used to be on the same floor, but not any more, so we do not work directly together.
We have been dating for almost a month. It is nothing serious, we are taking things slow, but we both see a lot of potential given time. It is not awkward for us at work to see each other all time, so things are happy. (There is no policy about co-workers dating....I checked)
Now I've noticed that: 1. Word travels fast. Nothing must move faster than the "rumor mill", cause everyone knows that we are seeing each other. And 2. No one will say comments to me about us. No one. She told me it is because who I work with....that I'm constantly around the "big boys" now and they are afraid I would "say something to them".
My question is now, how should I respond to things at work? Would it be uncomfortable for us to talk about what we are doing that night, while at work? And if I make a special trip to say good morning or good night, would that be so bad?
Now ofcourse management has said nothing to me....everything is still mostly rumors. However our company holiday party is this weekend, and we are going together....so the cat will be out of the bad for sure. Should I expect comments from "the big boys"?

I've never dated anyone I've worked with....although that is how my parents met (and still married) and how two others that work here at the bank met (are also still married).

Thoughts?

Its going to depend on the attitude of senior management. There are a lot of problems dating fellow employees. Not that it hasn't been done at all levels but its not good to to flaunt it as if management frowns on it you are forceing them to take action.

You can see that it is alrady causing a staff problem and its a reflection of your judgement

Back in my college days, I date someone I worked with (at a restaurant). It was a serious relationship, but ultimately failed. It was not a pleasant situation to work together, and thankfully it wasn't a "career" job for either of us at the time. I moved on. A few years into the beginning of my banking career, I started working with someone that I wanted to date, but did not pursue because of our working relationship. We had mutual friends, and once he left the bank, we ended up dating, and ultimately happily married. I think, though, that if we had dated when we both worked for the bank, it would not have been a good situation. Good luck with your situation, maintain a professional attitude at work, and hopefully you'll have a good story to tell!

All I will say is just be careful at the company party. Do not attend as a "couple". That doesn;t mean you can't spend time together there, just don't be clingy or openly affectionate. You will have plenty of time for that after the party. Watch the booze and just make sure you both understand the professionalism you must maintain. Especially her, because it sounds like at this point you are working on a career there and her position may or may not be a long-term venture. I met my wife at the bank. I was a VP and she worked part-time in proof, so it can be a very good thing, you just have to make sure to maintain a mature, adult professional approach to it. Good luck.

I echo Dave's sentiments. My husband and I both worked at the bank he is currently employed at. At the time,we were both Branch Managers and we were the talk of the bank even though we were extra careful to not do anything that would lead people to think we were involved. It was a nightmare! I ended up leaving the bank and went to the one I work at now. But.. because we were both officers it wasn't too bad but I would be very careful if you're trying to move up within the company and you're seeing someone of non-officer status. I would hate to see it hurt your climb up the ladder.

Dating....we have a couple who are married. He is an officer in finance, she is in loan operations. I thought it was going to be difficult for them as well as their co-workers, but actually for as young as they are (20s), they handle the situation quite well.

I met my husband at work. While we were dating, no one, and I mean, no one, knew that we were seeing each other. We were both Officers at the time, working in different areas. When things started getting serious we agreed to keep the relationship out of the office and it worked out fine for us. Eighteen plus years and three different banks later, we are still going strong, although, in different banks!!

I've seen it happen successfully and unsuccessfully before. One instance it was an officer who dated and eventually married a loan processor. They kept their relationship strictly professional at work, and if it weren't for the rumor mill, no one would have known they were seeing each other.

Another time I witnessed, the woman would be in the man's office crying because they were having a fight. Very ugly for everyone around.

I think it can work, but it is definitely the exception to the rule. My best advice would be not to bring your relationship to work with you at all. That means following Dave's advice for the party, and not going out of your way to say "good morning/good night" or anything else of a personal nature for that matter.

If you think this relationship might turn into something serious, maybe you should just bite the bullet and broach the subject with your manager. It's always best to deal with these things directly than to let the rumor mill grind away. Depending on management's attitude (especially considering there is no formal policy against it), it may turn out to be a non-issue.

The rumor mill will grind no matter what you do. Her relationship with you will have an effect on other employees especially if she gets promoted or the slightest hit of special favors are shown. Some gossip queens will even make up stuff just to keep the pot boiling. You have to be prepared for this. More often than not the pressure of this winds up destroying the relationship.

I have never seen management bless a relationship an officer is having with an employee. This has a 98% chance of hurting your career, and as I said earlier flaunting the relationship is not a good move, as you will force management to do something about it.

Senior management may even smile and say nothing to you, but that doesn't mean it won't have an effect on your career path. I have seen instances where senior management said one thing in public (not to tarnish an image) and behind closed doors quit another.

I would be more concerned about how awkward it might be should things go awry. You know man is the only animal that sh**** in his own nest.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell - but in your case someone told.

If you cannot keep the whole thing out of the bank - it will haunt you - if it works out in the long run or not.

So, who told?

I'm about to head home for the weekend, and I will let everyone know how the Holiday Party goes (CubDave, I will take your advice).
I have no idea who told....I think it was a combonation of people (One person kinda set us up....a couple have noticed us smile at each other for no reason .....)
Thank you everyone for your advice, thoughts, and "words of warning", as I will give thought to all of them.

I just watched Jerry Maguire the other night, and I have two quotes for you....

Assuming all goes well:
Jerry Maguire: This is going to change everything.
Dorothy: Promise?

And if it does not:
Jerry Maguire: Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?

Best wishes.

I must admit I have always seen the "unspoken" downside to these internal relationships. Nobody will ever tell you to your face -- not even so-called close friends -- but they will resent this and see it ultimately as a woeful lack of judgement on your part. It's not like you'll be openly disciplined or noticably suffer career-wise, but senior management will include this in their overall impression of you. People in her business unit will also resent that they cannot openly discipline or guide her in her work, since you'll know about it and they'll feel that you'll retaliate. I would be absolutely low key; or, alternatively, you or her should go to another employer at the point where it becomes serious.

Original Anon here again. The Holiday party has come and gone.....and to me it could not have possibly been better. We did dance together, but no big (if much at all) displays of affection. The rumor mill did not extend as far as either of us thought it would have. Those that did find out that we were seeing each other were very happy for us....including management.
I spoke with my old boss (I moved departments), and he has become a mentor for me around the bank. I had told him that I was a little worried about how things would go, and he said there was nothing to worry about. He wished us luck, and said "she's a nice girl". The president was even joking around with us near the end of the party. (I think that because we are so young, and that the last couple to work together at the bank are still married and still work at the bank, that no one has a major issue).
Overall, I really don't think it could have gone better. I feel a lot better here at work cause I'm not fearing the worst.....Thank you everyone again for your comments and thoughts. I of course will continue to be nothing but professional at work....and I hope to have many nights like Saturday to come (and hopefully a good story for the future).

Great news!

It sounds like you've basically formed your conclusion on your own. Remember, the rumor mill that you speak of is not a process that you're truly looped into, so for you to say that the rumor mill is not in overdrive is true only to the degree that you really aren't part of hearing rumors about you. If you've made up your mind, then just go for it and let the chips fall. And anyway, the worst that could possibly happen is that you'll never rise to a senior-level position, and she and you could later break up anyway. It's not the end of the world.

Original Anon, seems to me that you are handling the issue responsibly. I wouldn't worry about the rumor mill anyhow. People are going to talk, you can't really stop it, and veracity is rarely an ingredient in the products at the rumor mill. The only thing you can do is to not feed the rumors, and it seems you are doing fine. Good luck!!!

Just wanted to say "Good for you" and Good luck.

I just wanted to give you some encouragement. My husband and I started dating at the bank when we were both officers. At first we kept it very quiet as we wanted to see where things went. Then, when we knew it was serious, we went to our respective managers and told them we were dating, and went so far as to say if that was a problem, one of us would leave. We were assured that it was not a problem. We married and worked together for 23 years! However, we always made certain that we did not work in areas that would create a conflict of interest for us or a perceived conflict of interest for others. We made it very clear at work that we were professionals and so if there were issues to be dealt with, we would do so and did. For example, if an employee approached me with an issue concerning my husbands area, I would handle it the same as I did any other issue. Also, there were times that people would approach me to "put in a good word" with my husband for them regarding a proposal/issue. I ALWAYS declined those types of requests and encouraged them to take such things through the proper channels. Over the years this earned the respect of those we worked with. Bottom line, you can have a wonderful and long career working together if you handle it properly.

Good luck!!

This is so romantic. Why don't you just give her a ring for Christmas and get it over with. I'm seeing a June 2004 wedding. Go to myweddingbells.com !! Oh, what a romantic thread this is!

I met my significant other while we both worked at the same bank. We were just friends while working at the same bank, actually, I didn't like him at all! But that didn't stop the rumor mill from hurting us. We are now at different banks and all is well.

I think that it is wrong of a company to tell their employees that they can not date anyone they work with, being that they spend half their time at work...but I do understand the reasoning behind it.

I personally wouldn't be able to date anyone that I work with and take the chance of it interfering with my career. That doesn't mean, however, that I wouldn't be interested in it if it was accepted! I also may consider sending my digits along if someone would leave!

If the relationship gets serious to where marriage is a possibility, I would at that point ask your lady if she would be willing to switch jobs down the road. I say this based on your implication that you are on a career path there and she is there more of as a job. (If my assumption is wrong - I apologize) The reason I suggest this is that I don't think it's really a good idea to work with someone you are married to. And yes, I know it is done and done succesfully, but I think marriage needs an independent aspect to it - just an opinion.

I could not tell from your original statement, but we can assume that you both are currently unmarried to others, not otherwise involved with any others outside of the bank, and that neither of you were ever previously in a relationship with another current bank employee. If this is the case, then if you both are professional and don't do alot of workplace PDAs (public displays of affection), then it should be all systems go!