"Tea Party Patriots Call For Nuclear Strike on Eyjafjallajokull"
Citing reports that the Icelandic volcano has disrupted air travel more severely than the 9/11 attacks, the Tea Party Patriots have called for a nuclear strike to "show Iceland who's boss."
"We cannot have some foreigner hold our air travel hostage, we are a world superpower, dagnabit. It's time to take back the skies for Americans."
Editorial Note: The Tea Party Patriots spokesperson interviewed for this story did not actually say the name of the volcano. They tried, really they did, but in the end it was just 'that volcano.' In the interest of clarity, we decided to supply the volcano's proper name.