Ok...so last year my boyfriend got transfered in his job and had to move to a small rural community from a big city. Of course, I love him so I made the move too. I didn't have a job in the beginning but was able to get hired at the local bank where I work now. Over the past few months things with both of our jobs have gone down the drain. He has discovered that the line of work he is in is NOT something he wants to continue and I feel the same and we are constantly having conflicts with coworkers. The fact that we are both unhappy in our jobs makes for unhappiness at home and it has put a big strain on our relationship. So the dilemma is...do we try to stick it out at our current jobs and hope for a positive turn around OR do we risk moving back to the city we love without secured jobs and hope to find work soon? I need some adivce!

Move back to the city, after putting your feelers out. Try to get a few interviews lined up before hand. How far are you from the city?

I really feel for you. Relationships are hard enough work without the stressors of miserable jobs and lousy coworkers. I wouldn't want you making the mistake I just made.

We are 4 hours from the city. The worst part is that we were so excited for the move and really looking forward to something different...be careful what you wish for I guess

If you like the community where you're living now, is it possible to just look for different work in the area?

That's part of the problem, we don't like the community either. It's literally one of those places you see on tv where EVERYTHING closes at 7pm and if you need anything you have to drive at least 45 mins to the nearest town with more than 1000 people!

Then I have to agree with BB - start making some inquiries about available work opportunities, and head back to the city.

If it were me, in this job market, I wouldn't be in such a hurry to leave your jobs without something else lined up for at least one of you... even if it's through a temp agency.

I completely agree. Neither of us are in a position where we would be able to survive without a job that's why we are having a lot of trouble coming to a decision.

then I think the best thing to do would be to try and line up interviews in the city (if you can, schedule a couple for one day - morning and afternoon so that you aren't taking a whole day off for one interview) and try and get something that you want. if it works out, then move

sounds like when we lived in Tucson about 28 years ago - the only thing open at night was the pool hall and Dennys.

I understand a lot of where you are coming from. I too moved from a huge city to a farm outside of a town of 1200. I ended up finding a job at a larger bank in the nearest city (40 miles) and I believe that works great for both my husband and me. To me it is a win-win. I love the small town life, I love the farm but I do have access to large chain stores and restaurants every day and worker in a larger organization.

On the other hand, I don't know how it would have been if the majority of my life was spent in town. I wish you good luck in your decisions.

Having grown up in a small town, I love that I now live in a bigger city. I agree that you should start your job search now, try to get something lined up, and then make the move back.

Do either of you have jobs where you could be transferred to an office in that big city? You'd still have a job while you continue to look, but you might be able to move back sooner. (I've worked in 20 different towns/cities with my current employer.)

I grew up in a smaller town too but not as small as the one I'm currently in and I now know for sure that I was made to live in a city. As far as transfers, the bank I work for is only located in the eastern (rural) part of the state with only 12 branches. He could get transfered but does not want to continue in his line of work.

maybe a transfer (for now) can get you back where you want to be and in closer proximity for easier job hunting (as long as there is no requirement that you have to work for them xxx amount of time for the transfer).

You live here?

Yep. No stop lights, a market instead of grocery store and a gas station THAT'S IT!

What, no church or bar???!!! Small towns up north have a bar, a church, a gas station/market and a cemetary.

There is one of each and it's crazy, I see the same people at one on Saturday nights and the other on Sunday mornings!

Are you sure you're not my neighbor???

We moved from a big city to the small town we live in. I feel your pain.

As for your question, I agree with madukes. If your boyfriend is willing to sacrifice staying with his line of work until you can find something - shoot for the transfer - as long as there is no mandatory length of stay.

My other question would be - are you renting or do you own a home? This could put a damper on the move.

We rent, which makes things a little less complicated.

Well, I would seriously consider the transfer if it is feasible and get out of Hooterville or Tucson or where ever you are at

Thanks everyone for the advice. I really needed some outside POV's. I think a change could be coming soon whether it works the way I want it to or not it's gotten to the point where SOMETHING needs to change or I am going to explode!

Tell the bf to put in for a transfer so that he can keep working whiel he looks for somethign new.

You start applyign now for stuff in the city.

then, get the heck out of hicksville! (No offense to BOLers who live in rural areas )

My husband and I just recently went through a similar situation. We decided where we wanted to live, found jobs and moved. Sounds crazy but we both could not be happier now. We do not have any children so this was easy and our decisions were based solely on the long run when we do have children.

A lot of places will do interviews over the phone too, so you could actually have a job when you move back. Me and my husband almost moved from NM to VA and he had his job all lined up prior to leaving. I did a couple of inquiries and could have also had it all lined up prior to leaving too, but decided to stay with the kids.... then chickened out and decided to stay in NM.
I agree with the transfer though, at least then you'll be in the city where your wanting to work, it'd be so much easier.
Good luck to you and your boyfriend! Hang in there!