Our minister is doing a series on Love and Relationships and Sunday's sermon was "What a Wife wishes her Husband knew about Women". It was quite good - he had taken a survey and asked questions from the congregation several weeks back to prepare for this. For the children's sermon he showed up with a doll - Mr. Wonderful. It was soooo cute.

Mr. Wonderful

My parent's 44th anniversary is next month. My mother bought one of those dolls to give my 82 year old father.

I found a list of all the sayings.

"Here, you take the remote. As long as I am with you, I don't care what we watch."

"You know, I think it is really important that we talk about our relationship."

"Let's just cuddle tonight."

"Hmmm. You look so beautiful in the morning."

"No, you don't look at all fat in that dress. How can anything make you look fat?"

"Aw! Can't your mother stay another week?"

"Hello, Darling. Have I told you I loved you lately?"

"Did you have a hard day, Honey? Why don't you sit down and let me rub your feet?"

"You're going shopping by yourself? Why don't I come along and carry your bags?"

"Actually, I'm not sure which way to go. I'll turn in here and ask directions."

"I love you."

"Yes, Dear."

"You've been on my mind all day. That's why I bought you these flowers."

"You know honey, why don't you just relax and let me make dinner tonight?"

"Why don't we go to the mall, didn't you want some new shoes?"

"The ballgame isn't really that important, I'd rather spend time with you!"

LOL Boomer, quick, pinch me, I am dreaming...

Our minister said he had so many requests for the doll that he may have to put it up for auction. Ha! Unfortunately, they are coming out with Ms. Wonderful too!

Quote:

---

"Actually, I'm not sure which way to go. I'll turn in here and ask directions."

---

Yeeaahhhh.... riiighhhht!

ONCE IN A WHILE, LADIES JUST NEED A LAUGH....
**********************

He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

*********************


He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

**********************


He said . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

************************


On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows me everywhere"

Written just below it . . . " I do not"

***********************


Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

A . Both of them.

***************************


Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?

A The bonds mature.

********************************


Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?

A. So men can remember them.

********************************


Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

A.. We don't know; it has never happened.

********************************


Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?

A. They already have boyfriends.

*********************************


Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A. A widow.

***********************************


Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

********************* ***************


Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God says: "So you would love her."

"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"

God says: "So she would love you."

Boomer, you're losing points here!!

Sorry, but these were sent to me and I got a chuckle out of them! Nothing personal, Jeremy!

Boomermom...that was the best laugh I have had all day!! Those were great!!

Having a very bad day (week). Anyone have any good jokes???

President Bush was visiting the Queen of Enland and asked her how she runs such an efficient government? The queen said you have to surround yourself with very smart people. Bush asked, "How do you do that?" "Well", said the Queen. You ask them a brain teaser type of question.

So the Queen calls in Toni Blair and asks him, "If your parents have a child and it isn't your brother and isn't your sister than who is it." Toni Blair says, "Well that is ME of course." Impressed Bush returns to the States and asks Dick Cheney, "If your parents have a child and it isn't your brother and isn't your sister than who is it." Dick says, "I'm not sure let me find out." Dick goes to several people including congress and no one knows the answer. Finally he goes to Colin Powell. Colin says, "that's simple, it's ME." So Dick goes back to the President and says, " the answer is Colin Powell." To which the President responds, "No you idiot it's Toni Blair."

That helped! Thanks!

Here's one that was sent to me just yesterday. Kinda cute...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband
stalking around with a fly swatter....

"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh and how many have you killed?" She asked.
"5" he replied "3 were male and 2 were Female"
Intrigued by his response, she asked.."How do you know that?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Nikko, we really enjoyed that here at the OKC BOL office. Thanks for a much-needed laugh.

Sorry in advance to the guys, but this is funny....I don't care who ya'are...

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." (RIGHT ON, LADY!)

God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Nikko, I had to copy and send that one to all of my friends. Absolutely hysterical.

elena, right on girlfriend!

Lil Bit More - that is SOOOOOOO Funny! Keep 'em coming everyone!

A pregnant Italian woman from Rome gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your Uncle Tony from Sicily came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my Uncle Tony... he's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew. "

VERY, VERY FUNNY! Thanks for the laugh.

I can't tell you how many times I hear versions of that joke - especially since my first name is Denise!

A DEAD BMW A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling
smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the
carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her
very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you
guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license
and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and
sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get
to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the
river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one
day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We
were
the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the
first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and
shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn
up!"
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"

IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
question
was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINAL EXAM The blonde reported for her university final examination that
consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the
coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still
sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an
hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her
blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their
names
were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
(just for you Andy....)













"HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

If you need a laugh then read through these Children's Science Exam Answers. These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made
safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All
water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no
water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget
where the sun joins in this fight.

Q:What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to
his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g,
abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the
borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain;
the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal
cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. (I do love this one...)

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight