My Son is married to a wonderful girl, they have three children her Mother lives with them: Now here is the problem her mother comes to all my family functions Christmas, Thanksgiving my other grandchildren's birthday parties. This has been going on for 10 years. The first Christmas they asked if she could come and I said yes but I didn't think it meant every year, well after so long I just didn't know what to say I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. But I finally got up the guts to say something. I have Christmas on a different day so all my kids and grankids can make it home without having to rush to so many places on the 25th so I requested she not come to my house on the day I have Christmas, that I would like my grandchildren to myself one day a year without another grandma there. I said she was welcome to come to my family functions all the other times, but I was requesting just his one. Since she lives with them she sees them 365 day's a year and is with them on the actual Christmas day. Is it selfish of me to want them 1 day out of 365? I don't think I am being selfish but my Daughter-in-Law does. What is your opinion?
Thanks

Does she have other children, or is your DIL her only?

That's a tough one. As tough as its on you, it's also tough on your son and daughter-in-law because she lives with them. They are the ones who are probably hearing her complain.

I have a similar situation with my family, though my MIL does not live with us she wants to be included in all of my family's function. I decided to separate Christmas this year and it was the second time in my entire life I didn't see my parents on Christmas and it was tough on me.

Let me ask you this, do you get along with your DIL's mother?

My DIL is her only child. And yes I do get along with the MIL I have no problem with her. But when my grandkids wake up in the morning and come running to grandma, I want them running to me and not have her say come here to grandma, she has the mornings all the rest of the year.

does the mother have some sort of problem? health maybe?

If she lives with the family, does she maybe need someone there at all times for some reason and that's why she has to travel with them too?

What about starting different traditions with your grandkids? Can you pick a day (or a weekend) once in awhile away from the holidays that they visit you? Or plan special outings one on one with each of them?

No she has no health problems that prevent her from being by herself, she has always lived with her daughter. She does not want to work.

You have a wonderful son to tolerate this, he is in a difficult position.

Please clarify, have you made this request yet, or are waiting for additional input?

she lives with them, she is part of their family. No different than if they had a foster child, wayward nephew, or anyone else living with them for 10 years. They wouldn't be excluded, neither should she. In high school, a friend of mine had a bad home life and lived with us for the last 2 years of school. If there was a family function or vacation or anything else, he came as well. He was part of our family, even if he wasn't "blood".

Yes, you are being jealous, and in my opinion, a tad petty. Christmas isn't about having your Grandkids run up and hug you first, it's not a competition among grandparents.

I completely agree.

I actually made the request a year ago, my DIL completely understood and said she would talk to her Mom. She waited until a week before our get together and her Mom was upset so she got upset and refused to come for Christmas. So my Son brought up the kids by himself. My son feels this is a resonable request.
I don't feel as if I am being selfish, but my DIL and her mom does.

As I said it's a tough situation for everybody involved. HappyGilmore has a very good point, she is part of their family.

If you want more of a one-on-one with the grandkids, maybe you can keep them for a weekend out of every month.

what does the other Grandma do if not included with the rest of the family for Christmas?

As a general rule of thumb, if you ask a question about yourself (i.e., Does my breath stink, Do these jeans make my butt look big) it's usually true. If you want a grandchildren only weekend, request only the grandchildren to be dropped off by their respective parents and arrange for the parents to return at a given time to retrieve their children. If you want to have a "family" event with your children, their spouses and children--effectively excluding your DIL's mother--then you are being selfish.

I have to go with Happy on this one. (I know. Right?)

You can still have quality time with the kids. You don't have to exclude someone to do it.

Go to KFC with Peepers for some double downs

hey! my family invites the whole family over on Christmas (even me)

Going Insane, I can understand your wanting the grandkids all to yourself every once in a while. Instead of excluding DIL's mom you should arrange a day when it's just you and the grandkids. Don't include son and DIL. Just you and the grandkids. Make it a day that is not a holiday. And don't tell son or DIL why you are arranging this grandkid only get together. In laws = compromise.

Why not have the grandkids over to your place overnight ocassionally? Start some traditions with them... bake cookies or what have you....
I agree with other posters... Christmas is a time to be with "all family"...blood or not! I'm the type that enjoys "the more the merrier"....

It's Christmas. She's supposed to sit home alone? I do think you're being selfish.

I agree with other posters that said find something special to do with your grandchildren that doesn't involve the rest of the family and holidays. I also feel that this put your DIL in the position of having to choose between her mother and you.

They do have their Christmas together on Christmas day, I am at home by myself watching television. She gets them by herself why shouldn't I? I am sorry to say this but she is not my family.
I would never presume to go to my other childrens in-laws function's. As I said she is at all my functions including my other Grandchildren's birthday parties. She came to the family picnic this year and even brought some of her other family.

I also think you should think of what is the best thing for your grandkids... Don't you think they love celebrating the big family Christmas, regardless on what the day on the calendar is, and having both grandmas there?! Some of my best memories from childhood are celebrating the holidays with BOTH sets of grandparents.

I wonder if I really am the best looking, tight-bodied, smartest human being to rome roam the earth.

WOW, BB - YOU ARE CORRECT!!!!!

put the son in a tight spot as well, he had to chose between the woman he chose to cling to after leaving his mother and father, and now this....