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#1591260 - 08/12/11 03:14 PM Advice needed - we be an executor
NotALawyer Offline
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NotALawyer
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 455
What have your experiences been as an executor? Looking back, what advice or info would have been most helpful going into it?

My grandmother is in her 90's and approached me, one of her grandkids, to be her executor. It's an honor that she would even consider me, but I know enough to know that it can be a lot of work and stress.

I've started to read articles through Google searches, I have my own attorney, and I know the name of the attorney that prepared my grandparents' will. Grandpa died a few years ago, so there is no automatic rollover to a spouse.

What has been your experience?

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#1591300 - 08/12/11 03:30 PM Re: Advice needed - we be an executor NotALawyer
Happy Drugs Offline
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Happy Drugs
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 597
Central Texas
I was executor for my aunt. She had everything pretty much taken care of in the will and I just let the lawyer guide me through how I should do it. My experience was relatively painless, but I know there are many that are not!

The only thing I didn't like was having to stay at the house while her kids got a few things...they did not take care of their mother my dad always did and she left everything to him and gave the kids a very small amount of money.
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#1591504 - 08/12/11 05:26 PM Re: Advice needed - we be an executor Happy Drugs
BrendaC Offline
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BrendaC
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,029
Sweet Home AL
She you have the opportunity, document any "promises" she has made to other family members as to her possessions. I heard alot of "but she always said I could have that" stories after my grandmother passed.
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#1591507 - 08/12/11 05:29 PM Re: Advice needed - we be an executor Happy Drugs
Rocky P Online
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 7,650
Florida
NAL, that shows that your gram thinks highly of, and trusts you. That in itself is an honor. Much relies on state law. (I've been a few times - all relatives.)

Make sure there is an attorney. The executor generally assists in identifying and collecting assets and paying liabilities and carrying out the wishes of the decedent. They will also be required to sign the individual and estate tax returns. Attorney fees are not cheap, but get one specializing in wills and probate (especially if the estate is large) is important. Also have accountant lined up - gram's or one that works with the attorney.

Unfortunate as it is, many times there are family issues with settling estates - someone feels left out or wants a certain thing, or grandma promised that to me.

If you can, talk to gram and ask her if she may want to leave certain remembrances to special people, and make a list. If she lent money to anyone, document if the remaining balance is part of the estate, or if the loan is forgiven, if those are not already in the will.

Try to have her identify where assets are kept (not necessarily account numbers, but where - sometimes older people are afraid to tell too much). Include safe deposit boxes - there is usually little indication on the key - if any)
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#1591637 - 08/12/11 07:41 PM Re: Advice needed - we be an executor Rocky P
Pale Rider Offline
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Posts: 34,318
under the Lone Star
It is very state specific. I have been executors in Michigan and Texas. Very different procedures and requirements.

It is no honor. No good deed goes unpunished. Things disappear, oral agreements between siblings get all messed up on things, just junk.....

Find out if you will need to go through probate first.
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#1767746 - 12/14/12 09:14 PM Re: Advice needed - we be an executor NotALawyer
madukes Offline
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madukes
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,463
Flyers Country
I was executor for my father's estate. Everything ran smoothly. My parents were planners and detailed people (especially dad). After mom died, he cleaned up everything financially (closed all credit cards, no loans etc.) Even though I was executor (not out of preferential treatment but I lived the closest), nothing was done without the agreement of my brothers and I. I did the majority of the work involved but used the lawyer my parents had to prepare their wills (charged by the hour, not percentage of the estate so he only got paid for the actual work he did). I probated the will myself and obtained the short certificates, closed the accounts and set up the estate account where I work. The laywer helped with obtaining date of death letters from the reluctant account holders and prepared the estate tax return. We used the accountants in the same office to prepare my father's final tax return. In my opinion everything ran smoothly (thank God). smile

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#1767754 - 12/14/12 09:22 PM Re: Advice needed - we be an executor NotALawyer
waldensouth Offline
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waldensouth
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,983
FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
My dad came from a large family. My Uncle was the executor. All of the kids - no in-laws - were allowed to select what they wanted and then the grandkids. Everything else was sold and divided equally amoung the kids (grandkids received their parent's share if the parent was dead). There was no squabbling.

My aunt handled my maternal grandparent's the same way. We submitted a list of what we wanted. If a kid wanted, they got first choice then grandkids. It worked out.

I'm to be my parents' executor. My sister is already angry that I was chosen to do this. They knew that I was take good care of her while she wouldn't take care of me at all. A loan from them that she never paid back and a bankruptcy in her past didn't help either.
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#1769055 - 12/19/12 09:39 PM Re: Advice needed - we be an executor NotALawyer
HappyGilmore Offline
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,844
Pulling people out of the ditc...
i am for my dad and one of my stepmoms kids is for her...obviously everything rolls to surviving spuse, we only come in to play when both are deceased. not something i'm looking forward to, although there are no real family heirlooms for everyone to fight over...i told them it was my dream that when it came time for the disbursement of assets, each kid would get $5...if that happened, then i would know they lived life...
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#1769129 - 12/20/12 12:17 PM Re: Advice needed - we be an executor NotALawyer
Elwood P. Dowd Offline
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Elwood P. Dowd
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 21,939
Next to Harvey
As a trust officer, I settled estates for five years. Understandably, they were more high dollar and complex than most. It was the deepest look into human nature I've been afforded so far. While it may be an honor to be chosen, the only real gift is from you to your grandmother; i.e. letting her know you will both carry out her wishes and keep the family peace.

As noted, the mechanics from one state to another vary considerably. You absolutely want an attorney who is very familiar with the process and agrees in your very first conversation to perform services at an hourly rate, not based on a percentage of the estate. (This isn't patent litigation, it's a purely mechanical process; wisdom and experience outweigh a vast knowledge of the law.) Talk to your attorney and the attorney who prepared the will, then make your decision. Assuming all objective considerations are equal, one will "feel better" than the other.

I've seen a few families that handled the situation with grace, their last expression of love for someone who is gone. I've seen more that acted like dogs fighting over table scraps. Most of the advice I would offer would be driven by the specific situation, but the one universal piece is to keep the spouses out of it; i.e. if you need to meet with the children, meet with the children. Their spouses do not need to be there. Brothers and sisters can generally work things out. Their spouses will insist on their personal version of "fairness," the one where their spouse gets more to make up for past injustices.

Your guidance comes from the will, not verbal statements attributed to the deceased. I flinch at the idea of the "garage sale" where people go through the house and see if there is anything they want. (When my mother's things were being sold I bought what I wanted at public auction.)

Be very well organized and communicate equally with every member of each class of heirs; i.e. don't let one child call another and make it plain that they have more information. Do not ask for their opinions unless you intend to accept them. Your job is to be fair to all of them, not to each of them.
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