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#160100 - 02/16/04 06:54 PM Re: Divorce
Anonymous
Unregistered

I'm really sorry to hear about your marriage. But it sounds like you aren't certain that divorce is inevitable. In addition to the great advice already given on this thread, let me recommend some books by Willard F. Harley, Jr. One that is excellent is "His Needs Her Needs." Harley also has a website marriagebuilders.com, with lots of articles, Q&As, and forums. Yes, it sounds kinda hokey, but his approach is SO good, even and especially when affairs are involved.

I know many marriages that have benefited immensely from Harley's advice. I buy His Needs Her Needs for my friends and family members who are getting married.

Please take a look at the website. Best wishes to you.

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#160101 - 02/23/04 04:08 PM Re: Divorce
Anonymous
Unregistered

I have read all of the posts and I agree with most. If you believe that the marriage is worth saving, by all means work on it. If you attempt to go to some sort of counseling and your spouse does not make an effort, it might just be best to go through with the divorce. The first thing I did in my divorce was to change the beneficiaries on all of my insurance policies. My divorce was at times hostile. I did not want her to become instantly wealthy incase of my early demise. Luckily I did not have any children. Had a dog but I did not like the dog so that was no small loss. When it comes to dividing up your tangible assets and your divorce is amicable, sit down with a peice of paper and make two columns. One is your things and the other is hers. I firmly believe that you should get everything you started with in the relationship. I was only married 3 years so I still had a lot of furniture, electronics, housewares, etc. that I had come into the relationship with. There will be some concessions made. I gave up the furniture, dvd player, and the washer dryer that we had purchased together, but I did get her rings back. Yes, I know that she should have gotten to keep the ring. Since, I was still paying for the thing, I felt I should get it back. Overall, my divorce cost me approximately $25,000.00. The actual legal fees were not that much. I did get the house and the cars. However, most of my divorce costs were due to the loss I took to sell my house. Not fun when you sell your house and YOU have to write a check at closing. In hindsight, my divorce is the best decision I have made my entire life. I went through all of the emotional ups and downs just like most of the responders to this post. You start each day by getting up and placing your feet on the floor and go from there. I highly recommend professional counseling and prayer helps. As for other financial aspects, close all joint banking relationships. Open your own accounts. Remember that a quick claim deed does not always release you of the financial responsibility of a home. Get your credit report and make sure it is accurate. I was almost declined for a loan because a credit card that belonged to my ex-wife was charged-off and it found its way on to my report. I was no way tied to the card and spent months trying to clean up my report. All in all, please take the advice of some of these posts. We have been there and know what your are feeling. You will go through phases. Whether the divorce is amicable or not, you will go through several phases. The worst one is the "anger" phase. Your personal healing can begin once you make it past that phase. I was married to my first wife for 3 years. It took me close to a year in a half to get over it. I have since remarried (my current wife is divorced also). I thank God everyday for allowing me to go through that experience. Without that experience I would not be as strong as I am today. What does not kill you makes you stronger! As for your children, make sure you do the "right thing". Pay your child support and follow through with your responsibilities to your children. Make sure you and your spouse explain to them over and over that they are not the reasons mommy and daddy do not want to be together. Make sure you do not use them to get back at each other. Do not talk negatively about your ex when you are with them. With divorce rates at 53%, it is easier to get divorced than it is to get married. If it is salvagable, work on it. If not, cut your losses and go on with your life. It will get worse before it get better.

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#160102 - 03/08/04 06:43 PM Re: Divorce
Pup Offline
Power Poster
Pup
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,045
Pedaling along a scenic highwa...
The local Sunday paper said that I am now divorced (I'm not, really). My wife filed for separation, I didn't sign the petition, so after 20 days it was a default judgment. I am now legally separated and the newspaper read it as a Divorce Decree. What a way to start the week, eh.

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#160103 - 03/08/04 06:45 PM Re: Divorce
DeeQ Online
10K Club
DeeQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
Good luck Jeremy, I hope that it is good news for you.
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

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#160104 - 03/08/04 08:00 PM Re: Divorce
Pup Offline
Power Poster
Pup
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,045
Pedaling along a scenic highwa...
The newspaper called my audix and left an apology and said they'd run a correction...not that a correction is necessary. I checked with the court house (conveniently located across the street) and got the skinny. May have been simpler in the long run, though, eh.

Thanks for the good luck wish, Maria. Have a good day!

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#160105 - 03/09/04 06:06 PM Re: Divorce
RR Jen Offline
Power Poster
RR Jen
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,759
Running and riding everywhere ...
It gets better. My ex-filed last June and things were final in August. We still have our moments, usually on Sunday afternoons when he picks up the kids, but it's getting better. I'm actually much happier now than I could have ever imagined.
_________________________
I don't need any more negativity in my life...be positive and helpful people or I will kick you in the shins!!!

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#160106 - 03/10/04 05:12 PM Re: Divorce
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:


A divorce means that two people won't be married any more.
Quote:



This whole thread is sad and aimed at strategies for dissolution, while the marriage thread deals with everyone wanting to go to San Francisco and get married.

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