Whether a fee or charge is paid outside of closing has nothing to do with whether it is a fee or charge that is part of the 3% fee cap. If a borrower comes to you with a rural homestead that needs 1 acre around the house surveyed-out, the homeowner gets the survey, and pays for it out of his/her own pocket, you better count that in the 3% because it isn't interest.
This should help you:
Home Equity RulesLook at 153.5. Subsection 7 is particularly helpful:
(7) Charges Paid to Third Parties. Charges an owner or an owner's spouse is required to pay to third parties for separate and additional consideration for activities relating to originating a loan are fees subject to the three percent limitation. Charges those third parties absorb, and do not charge an owner or an owner's spouse that the owner or owner's spouse might otherwise be required to pay are unrestricted and not fees subject to the three percent limitation. Examples of these charges include attorneys' fees for document preparation and mortgage brokers' fees to the extent authorized by applicable law.