A friend of mine here at work is having a problem with his 12 yr old son at school. He gets into fights with other kids and actually got physical with the principle and his science teacher. It has been recommended sending him to a group home in another city but within state by the principle, the schools attorney and the superentendant . His son displays none of these hostilities outside of school. While I agree the boy needs help I am not certain that it should be by sending him to a group home. They have sent him to different counselors to no avail. The parents are now so overwhelmed and scared they dont know what to do or who to turn to...any ideas or suggestions would be so greatly appreciated...

Are there any alternative schools in your area?

In our area there is a program that is sponsored by the hospital. They accept at risk kids and teens. It's a full day program.

Are there any youth mentoring programs in your area? Some good ones in our area are Teammates and Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Sometimes just having a positive 'outside' adult influence makes a big difference.

I think the first thing they need to do is figure out what is causing the behavior. There is some kind of stimulus that is causing it. Treating the behavior without knowing the cause is doomed only to fail and make matters worse.

I agree totally B_F. He has been in therapy a number of times to no avail. They need to find that one that will be able to get him to open up. The school labeled him early on, so now any problems at all get him in trouble. I suspect he now feels that if they are going to say he's a problem, then thats how he will act. The parents just so much fear the group home thing that they are just lost in that. How do you not only fight that stigma but also find the help the boy needs?

I agree with BF. From your post it appears the only problems are at school so something is triggering it. Could they put him into a private school to change the environment?

Talked to Dad this morning, we talked about alternative & private schools, he said they would check into it. Told him it was very important to find someone that his son trusts to help get to the bottom of all this. Wish I could do more, just pray to give mom & dad the strength to fight this for their son's sake and be there when he needs to vent.

I would definetly say a new school is in order, if not a private one, then maybe a different public one in another town. It would be hard on the family to move, but maybe in the long run that's what he needs.

Not a group home. In a group home you have a lot of trouble youth bottled up together and they learn from each other. Sometimes it can be a good experience, but not always. Not a good option for a child with loving parents.

Does your school system have a cyberschool option? IF mom or dad could stay at home with him and oversee his school work, that may be an option as well.

Talk to your local CYFD, most places have programs, kind of like big brothers/sisters, but they will stay with them all day long at school, so that the kid has someone to look up to, talk to and get guidance from when they start acting out. My middle daughter had to do that, it's called teambuilders here, I don't know if it's called the same thing everywhere though.

This is for mom and dad to deal with, not you, no matter how close of a friend you are. Dad's answer about checking into private and alternative schools sounded ho-hum, although that may just be my read on it. But, if the school board attorney and superintendant are both involved and are recommending group home, the school has already made up their mind that he is a lost cause. People at that level do not get involved with normal disciplinary issues for 6th/7th graders.

I have never seen a kid who was this bad in school that did not display some type of this behavior at home as well. Sounds like mom and dad need to grow a set and start disciplining the kid, and quit acting like his friend and start acting like parents. get involved, if they haven't found a counselor who works, then they need to keep looking. And quit being in denial that he only does this in school...

I had a kid like this, she rarely acted out at home, and never as bad as she did at school, sure there were a few times that she lost her temper at home, but it was an everyday thing at school. I was paying attention, and I am a very strict parent, and I believe in spankings, and she got plenty. She was diagnosed as pre-bipolar, apparently they can't formerly diagnose children as bipolar until after puberty. But after figuring her out, and teaching her how to deal with her emotions (I don't believe in putting my kids on meds unless absolutely necessary, I'd rather teach mine how to deal), she is good now.

She acted out more at school because she didn't have that "safe place" to go when she started feeling "not right" at home she could go, be by herself in her room.

I do agree with Happy that it's the parents issue not yours, but I commend you for being concerned. But sorry happy, it's not always a case of inadequate parenting, sometimes there's actually something wrong.

I agree with MunQue. My son had been acting out in class (not to this degree though) with no troubles at home and we had him tested for ADD and he is. With medication he has come around. Also, there could be some other reasons why he is acting out in school. If it were my son, I would take a week's vacation and go to school with him everyday to observe the day-to-day activity. If that is not possible, send a grandparent to observe the daily routine.

It was not my intent to say that it was my issue. I agree completely that it is the parents issue to take care of. My concern was for the parents. My co-worker was extremely upset the day I posted and I feel that sometimes people just need a boost by just listening or offering advice from some who have lived it. Sometimes we can learn so much by just by seeing how others handled a situation. I appreciate the excellent advice & feedback from everyone and will continue to pass on info to a parent who is just a little overwhelmed right now.

I don't normally comment but....



Summer, I certainly didn't think that was your intent....You are concerned for a friend...and I don't blame you. I would have done the same thing. In my opinion, they are lucky to have you.

Some people have jumped on the parent thing really quickly. Just remember that until you have walked in their shoes...you should not judge..

I started doing this around Jr. High. My dad took me to the local Police Athletic League boxing gym and told me if I wanted to fight I could come here and fight all I wanted with people that wanted to fight back. Never got into another fight outside of a boxing ring again.