A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me,"

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

LOL

Auto Repairs and the blonde
This was pretty funny, watch your volume...

I love it! yeah, I can park on the street....

How funny, I had to share it with my friends. This girl needs to listen to Click and Clack on NPR.

That is great! Needed the laugh!

From a smart-aleck friend of mine...

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the below outlined procedures when accessing their accounts. MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed after months of careful research. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE


1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Turn the radio down.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Reinsert card the right way up.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check make up in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Recheck make-up again.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver queuing behind.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

26. Release Parking Brake.

http://www.madblast.com/funflash/swf/map_test.swf

I did and I can do it again...

I did'nt realize it was being timed..the short bus is on its way to pick me up, NYAYYYY

I am crushed, elena... Actually DE & RI were hard to place the arrow on, too tiny for the big spazz!

Okay. I must be really stupid because I can't even make it work! The map comes up but I can't click and drag.

I got to 46 before it timed out. Turns out I have no real idea where Iowa is (well, and why would I???) Should have done that one last.

Ouch!

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. (I know, gross!)

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What the Rules of Life Really Are... You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to use a restroom.

11. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!

Post deleted by Ken H

Ain't it fantastic,
To be a Catholic,
You feel so symbolic,
When you're a Catholic.

Catholicism is a really nice religion,
With events like Confirmation instead of circumcision.
But if you're Catholic and think you're not special,
Or you don't belong,
Then listen to this list of famous people who are Catholic,
Mentioned in this song!

Robert DeNiro, knows what Catholicism's about,
So does Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Gwen Stefani from No Doubt.
During Communion guess who eats the bread and drinks the wine,
None other than Tommy Hilfiger and Kevin Kline.

Regis Philbin's Catholic,
And that's my final answer.
And Brendan Fraser's a great Catholic,
But recently not a great actor.

We've got Peter Criss from KISS,
The Gallagher brothers from Oasis,
The guy who created "Schindler's List",
And Haley Joel Osment,
ALL CATHOLIC!

So if things get chaotic,
Just remember you're a Catholic,
Along with John Cusack and Salma Hayek-olic,
And Lucy Lawless-olic.

Osama Bin Laden,
Not a Catholic,
But Kathie Lee Gifford is,
Except she's so damn dramatic!

Eddie Van Halen is along with brother Alex,
And we also have "7th Heaven" star Catherine Hicks.
Also Alfred Hitchcock and Kid Rock but not Ringo Starr,
However the other Beatles--John, Paul, & George are.

You don't need to spin dreidels or wear a yarmulke,
Instead you could have Communion with Madonna!

So tell you're friend Patrick,
He's cool cause he's Catholic,
Drink up your gin and tonic,
Just don't be an alcoholic,
From The Pacific to Atlant-olic,
EVEN DOWN IN THE ANTARCTIC!
People scream and shout-olic,
Because it's really, really, really, really, really, really,
COOL TO BE A CATHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amen Everybody! Goodnight!

Little Rachel was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Rachel?" My goldfish died," replied Rachel tearfully, without looking up, and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Rachel patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your damn cat."

I'll apologize for this one in advance:

Man walks into the Doctors office and say "I need help"

Doctor say "How can I help you"

Man says "I think I'm a moth"

Doctor says "I can't help you - I'm a cardiologist"

Man says........"But your light was on"!!!!