What did 0 say to 8
















Nice belt.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

How can you tell if an orange is in a bad mood?

What Confucius did not say!


CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like [censored] is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.



"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

He who throws dirt is losing ground.

You can always find happiness at work on Friday.

Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.

A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition. Ouch!!!

The greatest danger could be your stupidity.

He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.

He who laughs last is laughing at you.

On a local business, the proprietor always puts "funnies" on his outdoor sign. This week, it says:

How to be a beekeeper.
1. Get some bees.
2. Keep them.

It was my first time visiting Dr. [censored] for a colonoscopy I went into his office for my first rectal exam. His new blond nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me, I sat down. While waiting, I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer

When Dr. P_utz finally came in I said, "Look Doc", I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, And I know what the glove is for, But can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that, Doctor P_utz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse, "Dang it, Evelyn !!!I said a BUTT LIGHT!"

A joke for last week (which I did use on my 15 year old son, to a lot of eye rolling):

Why did the cop stop the turkey?

Because he thought something was fowl!!!!!!!

I might also add that I picked up the loose skin where the neck of the turkey used to be and made turkey noises... repeatedly... while I was getting it ready for the oven.

Let's just say he was entertained all day!

What is a turkey noise?

Gobble.

Mooo!

Well, its not gobble gobble... but I didn't know how to type it out.

(How embarassed am I about to be... I could make a mint right now if there was a camera in my office... as I try to figure this out) (20 bucks to the first person to make this perverted?)

Kind of put your lips out like are going to whistle, then move your tongue left to right really fast and make a kind of high pitched weird noise... I don't know!

OK.. how many tried it out?

a challenge?

For you? Not at all.

I was considering going to the washroom to try this.

Hah! I did! The kid in the next cube was looking at me as if I was crazy. These kids just don't get us.

:stares:

Stop stalking, you stalker!

I am watching you, missy...

Hoping to get some pointers on being awesome?

^^^ delusional

The Minion is getting a little cocky, time to send her to pick up the Pleather™ skirt at the dry cleaner, get you a carton of cigs, pick up the Mazda from the body shop, and check on your order from gigantichairscrunchies.com.

BB... why the bathroom? Or do I not want to know?

Minion... did you consider your noise a turkey noise? Did the kid in the cubicle next to you?

If I ever meet any of ya' - I will demonstrate (with a red face of course, but I do blush easy)