My Mom has Alzheimer's and I do a lot of "rolling with it"! Her "reasoner" is broken, so I try and keep that in mind. She too has lost her filter - which can make for some interesting comments - especially in Church when she doesn't use her inside voice!

Not to be a Debby Downer, but I will say that I don't think our country is ready for what is to come with the amount of people that are and will be suffering from the different dementias in the coming years.

There's a sweet little old lady at my MIL's nursing home who misses her children horribly. A year ago, she would ask everyone if they had seen her children. Now, she cries almost constantly. I believe her family visits frequently, but she's so sad when they're not there. It's heartbreaking.

One more story, then I'll quit with sad stuff. Poet and retired EIU English professor Bruce Guerney's dad was in a VA home in Pennsylvania. One day, he wandered off, in the middle of winter. Despite massive searches, they couldn't find him. His remains were found several years later by hikers.

For reassurance, the likelihood of this happening in a facility these days are much less. The standards for caring for patients with dementia are much stricter. Nursing homes now either have to have a lock down area or simply not take patients with dementia. Doors are outfitted with alarm systems and dementia patients wear bracelets that set them off. The staff to patient ratios are usually higher too. About the worst that happens now is someone may wander into the wrong room.

"About the worst that happens now is someone may wander into the wrong room."

Ok, I've got a story about that too. My mom was in a nursing home (where my MIL is now) that had hallways going off from a central nurses station like spokes on a wheel. It's easy for anyone to get down the wrong hall. One confused woman regularly went in mom's room and went to sleep in mom's bed. One day mom got so mad, she took off her slipper started spanking the woman with it. We had to have a meeting with the staff about that. It was just like having to meet with the principal when your kid misbehaves in school.

My dad lived in a complex for seniors. His building was independent living. There was a man that lived in the same building that targeted my dad from almost the day he moved in. It was kind of sad to see the bullying going on at that age. But, being the stubborn German that he was, my dad never backed down once the other guy started. And I know that my dad could be a jacka$$ but he would never start stuff like that. I spoke to the manager and she placed blame squarely on both of their shoulders. Okay, I can deal with that. We told my dad to steer clear of this guy and just walk away when he wanted to start carp. And he did until this guy jumped him right outside his apartment door one afternoon. He physically attacked my dad. That time I did not just let things lie. I made it perfectly clear when I talked to the manager that either that man left the building, permanently, or we were pressing charges. Turns out the man was suffering from a form of dementia brought on by kidney failure. He thought my dad was messing around with his girlfriend. His kids came and got him that afternoon, admitted him to the hospital and he passed away about a week later.

That's sad Sarah, but I'm afraid that I would be with you. If something or someone threatens your parents, your first rection is definitely not "Lets analyze this". Or least mine isnt. Its "Protect!", period.
The management of the facility, might have been able to do more than they did, however.

That was truly one of the most horrible things that I dealt with regarding my parents. But to give the situation some levity...my dad had just come from the hardware store where he had purchased a new toilet plunger so he fought this guy off with the plunger and his 15 lb mini-schnauzer!

Yeah, toilet plungers at 10 paces.....
I could see that!

I just have to add that those of us with adult children could share this with them. Whenever I do something ( like trip and hit cheek on night stand resulting in lovely black eye, or recently, walking into furniture and breaking & dislocating toe) my daughter says "And so it begins!"

Keep in mind the distinct difference between assisted living and a nursing home. Assisted living is much less monitored than a nursing home. If you have a parent in an assisted living facility and you feel someone else in the facility is acting strangely or threateningly, you should make sure the director of the facility knows your concerns, maybe even in writing. If you don't feel your concerns are getting enough consideration, contact the ombudsman assigned to the facility. Ombudsman information and the latest exam findings must be made available to the public in care facilities.

fyi: My daughter has been director of nursing in a nursing home and is now the Health Services Director of an assisted living facility. I was the office manager of the nursing home when she was there. Then I got sucked back into the financial world. Guess that's when my dementia started. :0

My dad is 84 and my mom is 78 this year. Blessed beyond all comprehension that they are healthy as they are and able to remain in their home. The only real irritant is my mom is losing her hearing. She has hearing aids yet she choosed to call and talk to me at work while NOT wearing them. She can't understand why I refuse to yell into the phone at work - gets her feelings hurt.... I just don't understand why she won't wear them.......

Does she not want to wear them - or she forgets to put them in/on? My mother won't put hers on until after her shower, so if I speak with her before then I'm either yelling or spelling.

ETA - also Walden, they don't work really well for phone conversations - at least my mother's don't.

FWIW Hearing aids with telecoils work best on the phone. When using hearing aids without them they can produce a high pitch squeal like when you put a microphone up to a radio only much louder as the Hearing aid is much closer to you ear.

If she uses them with a speakerphone it may be better all around.

Thanks for the tips. She has never indicated that she had trouble using them with the phone.

Yes - speakerphones help a great deal - and thanks Ed. I had forgotten about that.

She does not wish for you to know that she can not hear in the first place so...

BINGO! And my mom gets po'd when I ask her to repeat what I just told her too.

I have been operating under the impression that she, who won't wear her hearing aid (she's deaf in one ear with 50% hearing left in the other) could hear me when she held the phone up to her good ear. But just yesterday she totally misunderstood what I asked her to do when I called from work so I'm now concerned that she's getting a bit muddled.

Can I just thank all y'all for being here to listen? Just saying it and knowing others are facing similar trials is a huge shoring up for me.

Truff - can your phone become a speaker phone, too? Honestly - it really does help with their hearing and understanding.

Yes it can but Mom doesn't do well with remembering which button to hit on the phone or the remote. She's a wiz with her nook and tablet tho. Go figure!

Red nail polish

We tried something like that. If she can't set it back to normal afterwards she gets all flustered. Having her home alone and flustered is not a good idea.
New theme song "let it go...let it go."

OK, just forget the fact that we ar all discussing this over thousands of miles (fairly miraculous in itself), but how many of us thought, when we were in our 20's, we would EVER be having such a discussion? Much less with people that many of us have never actually met in the flesh! Not to mention how helpful it would be to do so?!?!?!

Admittedly I get amazed by the oddest things.

Very true, BBB1.

Truffle - when my mother-in-law lived with us the remote to the television really blew her mind. My husband drew the remote - actual size - and used the diagram to show her which buttons to push to do various things. Could someone do that for your mother and the speaker phone? Just a thought? It did help in our house.

I remember well when I had to disappear all cordless phones from my mom. She would leave them on and lose them and you then could not reach her to check on her.

It's danged if you do and danged if you don't sometimes. It's like the cordless would be better if she fell and had it with her since she couldn't reach the corded phone. But by leaving it to go dead, it was absolutely worthless.