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#1914365 - 04/14/14 07:58 PM Re: Caring for our parents edAudit
Summer Nights Offline
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Especially if really large behind in squeezed into leggings or stretch pants.

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#1914377 - 04/14/14 08:36 PM Re: Caring for our parents Skittles
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Originally Posted By: Skittles
And we're going to have a problem if my father goes first. He wants to be cremated - and mom (he doesn't know this) won't do that. Hey - it's not my first choice either, but it's his.
Mom is last one left of four plat in cemetery. Recently she told me she's thinking about being cremated like my brother and other family has been. Pretty forward thinking for 87. And much easier for me to transport across state line too.

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#1914379 - 04/14/14 08:40 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Truff - when my mother was in the hospital a few months ago she was told she had to bring a copy every time because they can change. They won't allow a previous copy to be used. Now that might be an Indiana law or a specific hospital rule.
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#1914409 - 04/14/14 09:15 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
#Just Jay Offline
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Uhm, how would they even know if you were presenting them with the most current copy? cra-cra...
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#1914413 - 04/14/14 09:28 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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I guess if it's coming from that person they believe it. They have to take both documents every time.
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#1914432 - 04/15/14 02:03 AM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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I'm with Jay that it's cra-cra. Usually these documents are drawn by an attorney when someone is having a will done. Who's going to pay to have them changed all the time? Probably the hospital equivalent of 'we've always done it this way' for your neck of the woods, Skittles.

But now you have raised my curiosity. I'll have to check to see if these are included in our online health care access system.

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#1914435 - 04/15/14 12:00 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Let me know, please. I'm just curious. And yes, their documents were drawn up by an attorney.
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#1914437 - 04/15/14 12:18 PM Re: Caring for our parents Skittles
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While I'm not a fan of prepaid funerals, if your parents are amenable, it's a very good idea to at least meet with the funeral home people and preplan them.

First, it helps to bring the discussion on differing wishes to the surface and make it crystal clear what each individual wanted. (Survivors are very reluctant to override a clearly expressed desire of the decedent.)

Second, it takes a tremendous amount of pressure off the surviving spouse and children. Left to their own choices survivors overspend on these occasions...
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#1914449 - 04/15/14 01:33 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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I agree with Ken. My dad died from cancer, and so he saw the end coming in plenty of time to plan out everything, right down to the clothes he wanted to be buried in. He wrote it all out, and it sure helped. With mom, because of Alzheimers, we had to do some improvising, but I just pretty much repeated everything we did with dad, same funeral home, etc.

I think it's probably time for me to write some plans down. We've never discussed it with our children.
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#1914538 - 04/15/14 03:57 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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Mine wrote some of their special wishes down and stuck them in the family bible. That way we had favorite verses, songs, pallbearers, etc...all in one spot.
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#1914546 - 04/15/14 04:09 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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Writing things down reminds me of my Babcia (grandmother). She had a lovely jewelry box but the good stuff was hidden all over her bedroom, tucked behind furniture and in drawers. No robber would ever have the time to find it all.

When she got older, she put a slip of paper with the name of who it should go to in each of those hidden boxes. It was like an Easter egg hunt after she died. That lady could always make me smile no matter how down I might be. smile

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#1914548 - 04/15/14 04:11 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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My Aunt did that, too, TR! Althought most items were never found...her wedding rings had my name in them! It was her thanks to me for everything I'd done for her over the years. smile
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#1914560 - 04/15/14 04:27 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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My mom will be 77 this fall. She lives alone in her own house. But she doesn't drive - never has. I got her hooked into the Senior Center last month so they will take her where she needs to go with 24 hours notice(since I'm almost 2 hours away), as long as it is in her city limits for a $1 donation.

I took the day off and we ran errands and got her hair done and went out to eat and then went grocery shopping. Eating is on the top of the list for my mom. She was like a kid in a candy store at Sam's Warehouse. Here's a funny one for you that I hope I haven't told already:

Me: Do you want Pot Pies?
Mom: I can't have pies. I'm a di-a-bee-tees.
Me: smh and try again.
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#1914597 - 04/15/14 05:19 PM Re: Caring for our parents HRH Okie Banker
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laugh
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#1915115 - 04/16/14 08:21 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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My mother-in-law will be 98 soon, and is already getting birthday cards, including from the staff at the nursing home. She said, "I wish they wouldn't do that." My wife asked, "Do what?" She said, "Making a big deal out of my birthday. And I hope none of you are planning to make a big deal out of it, either." "Ok, mom, but why?"
"Because it makes me feel so old!"
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#1915116 - 04/16/14 08:22 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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MBH - when my mother-in-law was that age she wanted all of the 'big deals' she could get.
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#1915262 - 04/17/14 03:25 PM Re: Caring for our parents Elwood P. Dowd
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Originally Posted By: Ken_Pegasus
While I'm not a fan of prepaid funerals, if your parents are amenable, it's a very good idea to at least meet with the funeral home people and preplan them.

First, it helps to bring the discussion on differing wishes to the surface and make it crystal clear what each individual wanted. (Survivors are very reluctant to override a clearly expressed desire of the decedent.)

Second, it takes a tremendous amount of pressure off the surviving spouse and children. Left to their own choices survivors overspend on these occasions...


My parents did this years ago. They didn't want my brother or myself to be burdened with any unexpected expenses. Recently, my father was adament about me seeing where they would be placed and meeting with the funeral home. When we arrived at the cementary, I started walking to the office, and my dad starts walking the opposite direction. I follow him and ask where is he going. He took me to the mausoleum where my mom and him will be placed. The part that really freaked me out, was that their names and birthdates were already on the plaques. (I am soooo not ready for that)
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#1915271 - 04/17/14 03:39 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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lcrew - my parents showed me their gravesite when I was about 8 years old. Scarred me for years!
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#1915323 - 04/17/14 05:04 PM Re: Caring for our parents Skittles
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I so don't like to be the one that has to handle their affairs, but I know more about their life, financially and healthy, than my brother does. I don't even want to think about it.

One of my biggest fear is that I won't be able to handle losing them, handling their affairs, consule my children, who are extremely close to their grandparents, without completely losing it. I, myself, am extremly close to my parents. I see them every weekday (they watch my baby and pick up my older kids after school) and I talk to them on the weekends.
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#1915325 - 04/17/14 05:12 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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You'll probably be stronger than you think, lcrew. My mom lives with me. I'm the one who checks on her last thing at night and who's sent to see what's going on if she doesn't come to breakfast on time in the morning. I've also got the POAs and am on her accounts. So I totally get what you mean when you say you don't even want to think about it.

I like to envision myself acting like she did when my Dad died. She was a rock. My sister told me that after all was said and done, then she had her time to morn in private.

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#1915352 - 04/17/14 05:43 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
What Truff says, never under estimate what you are capable of. You will handle it and you will do it well. Dont mistake that for "it will be easy", but you will handle what you need to. I have discovered that, if nothing else. smile
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#1915390 - 04/17/14 06:18 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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My parents have prepaid their funeral and planned the funerals down to the last detail. Have I mentioned they are control freaks? They really just don't trust us to do it the way they want it done. I've visited the gravesite, seen the tombstones, mother recently upgraded her coffin..... She's written their obituaries, oh well, at least I won't have to think much.....
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#1915444 - 04/17/14 07:20 PM Re: Caring for our parents Skittles
QCL Offline

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Originally Posted By: Skittles
lcrew - my parents showed me their gravesite when I was about 8 years old. Scarred me for years!

This part doesn't freak me out. The cemetery is where my sister is buried. And many weekends I went with my grandma (she was on a cemetery clean-up volunteer crew) and we'd walk the grounds and talk about who has gone before us. Going there is like going home for me.

When grandma passed, my father bought my mom "real estate" (their pots) for Christmas, and at Grandma's wake, he pulled me and the funeral director aside. He gave us his instructions then and there. My sister will be moved, closer to my parents' plot, and it is my job to get it done. I've known that since I was 4 though. I think he just wanted to make sure the Funeral Home director and I were on the same page.
Last edited by QCL-MamaBear; 04/17/14 07:21 PM. Reason: can't spell
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#1920960 - 05/07/14 07:50 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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NW Ohio
My mom is 84, has Alzheimer's that is getting worse. Thank God my sister retired just as the Alzheimer's was beginning. My sister is a saint taking her to the doctor and what have you. She suffered a mild stroke a couple months ago that has bothered her speech.

This has been harder for me to watch than losing my dad to cancer. There are good days and bad days, just hope more good than bad.
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#1921063 - 05/07/14 09:19 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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HUGS and prayers Security Guy. And it does sound like your sister is a saint.
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