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#191524 - 05/18/04 08:31 PM
affair
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Get ready this is complicated. i have a friend that finally got her divorce two weeks ago. For the last 5/6 years she has been having an affair with her brother in-law. Brother-inlaw wanted everyone to know. Left her letter of breaking up in his car and his wife (who was her best friend at one time) found letter. She told ex and he wants the children to know. ages 10/6. I think that they are to young to grasp the reality. It is their uncle we are talking about. What a tangled web that has been spun. Any suggestions?
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#191525 - 05/18/04 08:39 PM
Re: affair
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Power Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 5,184
All over the map.
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Major couseling for all involved. What a sad situation for these children.
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#191526 - 05/18/04 08:39 PM
Re: affair
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Forgive my levity (because I don't have any helpful suggestions), but I might suggest a letter to the Jerry Springer show. (as I said, forgive my levity - certainly not trying to make light of the situation)
Last edited by CubDave; 05/18/04 08:41 PM.
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#191528 - 05/18/04 08:43 PM
Re: affair
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,760
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My children are 9 and 6 and they had a difficult enough time understanding that Mom and Dad can't live together any more but we both still love them more than anything. We told them about going to counseling and trying to work things out, but that's it. That's all I feel they need to know.
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#191529 - 05/18/04 08:45 PM
Re: affair
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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Leave the kids out of it. They do not need to know this. Good luck, and ditto the counseling suggestion.
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#191531 - 05/18/04 08:56 PM
Re: affair
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Diamond Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,873
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Quote:
I'll add that it seems as if the ex is just bitter and wants to hurt the woman the way she has hurt him, by turning the kids against her. A child's opinion of his parent is key in raising a good kid. If they lose respect for a parent, they'll likely withdraw and develop trust issues that could last a lifetime. Although the bitterness is to be expected, using the kids in this manner is ill-advised and can do no good whatsoever.
I agree. Besides using kids in this way may backfire in his face.......
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#191532 - 05/18/04 09:28 PM
Re: affair
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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I think I have to agree with everyone. First, counseling, then Jerry Springer (that money can go to their collegge funds)  and telling the kids is not only unnecessary, it's darned right childish to do it. Using children in a divorce is wrong! My mother never ever once told me what a jerk my father was. She still wouldn't do it and she knows I know what a jerk the guy is. For this she has my utmost in admiration.
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#191533 - 05/18/04 09:55 PM
Re: affair
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,153
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Quote:
Any suggestions?
Contraceptives.
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#191534 - 05/18/04 09:58 PM
Re: affair
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Might be easier to switch channels and watch a different soap.
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#191536 - 05/19/04 02:44 PM
Re: affair
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Power Poster
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,626
State of confusion
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Kids don't need to know anything! They would be losing a lot because not only are their parents not together but will have MAJOR trust issues with all family members by dragging an uncle into it. As a side note, what did the uncle's wife do when she found the note? The mom and dad of the kids are already divorced from what I read but what about the aunt and uncle? Did she send him packing, which may lead to the kids finding out anyway (at those ages they understand somewhat) and in that case maybe the parents should explain somewhat. It may avoid them being more confused when aunt and uncle's dirty laundry comes out. Hard situation to deal with, I have to ditto the thearpy idea!
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#191537 - 05/19/04 11:09 PM
Re: affair
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Please do not tell the children! My husband has custody of his three children from a previous marriage. His ex-wife had three affairs, the last man she ended up marrying. He is now their step-father, and they have a baby together and we would never, in a million years, wish the children to have trust issues with their mother and step-father, especially when a new baby is involved. While at times it is tempting to tell the kids so they can see that the parent they don't live with that they think is perfect is not-so-perfect, I believe it would do so much more harm than good and I could never imagine hurting their souls one ounce more than what they had to go through when mom and dad divorced. What happened between mom and dad is between mom and dad only. Why bring children into adult problems? That is just unfair to them and their well-being. Just a few words from someone who understands. Good luck.
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#191538 - 05/20/04 03:02 PM
Re: affair
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,678
United States
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I agree, don't tell the kids. Children should be allowed to be children. They will get their own share of adult problems when they grow up.
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#191539 - 05/23/04 02:19 PM
Re: affair
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Get ready this is complicated. What a tangled web that has been spun.
I actually think I saw a show about this family on a cable TV channel. It was a re-run of a mountaineer family that discovered oil, then moved to a mansion in Beverly Hills.
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#191540 - 05/24/04 12:59 PM
Re: affair
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,153
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Quote:
Quote:
Get ready this is complicated. What a tangled web that has been spun.
I actually think I saw a show about this family on a cable TV channel. It was a re-run of a mountaineer family that discovered oil, then moved to a mansion in Beverly Hills.
HUH? I must have been watching a highly edited version of this show!
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#191541 - 05/24/04 01:43 PM
Re: affair
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10K Club
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,846
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HUH? I must have been watching a highly edited version of this show!
You didn't see the episode where Miss Jane left Jethro after catching him with Ellie Mae?
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#191542 - 05/24/04 01:51 PM
Re: affair
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,153
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Quote:
Quote:
HUH? I must have been watching a highly edited version of this show!
You didn't see the episode where Miss Jane left Jethro after catching him with Ellie Mae?
Oh yeah! And Cousin Pearl wanted to tell Jethreen, but Jed wasn't sure it was the right thing to do so he called and asked Sam Drucker what he thought should be done. That's right, now I remember.
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#191543 - 05/24/04 02:04 PM
Re: affair
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Power Poster
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,616
SC
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Telling the children will accomplish nothing!! My niece (15 at the time) is the one that discovered her dad was having an affair and told her mom. Needless to say, she hasn't been the same since and her relationship with her dad has been damaged beyond repair.
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#191544 - 05/25/04 03:02 PM
Re: affair
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100 Club
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 167
Minneapolis
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Telling the children would be nothing but selfish and show a total lack of respect for them. Even though they are children, they deserve respect. This is not their fault, nor their mess to deal with. It seems like this is more about their anger towards each other than the mom and the uncle truly loving each other and trying to work it out.
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#191545 - 05/26/04 07:27 PM
Re: affair
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
. . . the mom and the uncle truly loving each other and trying to work it out.
So this would mean that the uncle could become the stepfather, and that his existing children -- who are already their first cousins -- would become stepbrothers and stepsisters. Am I getting old, or does anyone see this as a bit unusual. This is not healthy indeed.
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#191546 - 05/26/04 09:30 PM
Re: affair
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100 Club
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 167
Minneapolis
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Quote:
Quote:
. . . the mom and the uncle truly loving each other and trying to work it out.
So this would mean that the uncle could become the stepfather, and that his existing children -- who are already their first cousins -- would become stepbrothers and stepsisters. Am I getting old, or does anyone see this as a bit unusual. This is not healthy indeed.
It is most definately unusual and dysfunctional. I really do think that continuing the relationship is in the children's best interest, I was just pointing out that the issue seem more about the "adults" finding ways to target each other than about people who, against their better judgement, may care about each other.
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#191547 - 05/27/04 11:23 AM
Re: affair
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10K Club
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,965
TN
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OK - how about this scenario. My younger sister now 'hangs out' with my ex-husband. They both have small children and do things together. There is no romantic relationship here, but it still bothers me. I try not to bring it up, but she has tried to defend him once to me. That was a definite no-no. Is this weird or what?
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#191548 - 05/27/04 02:30 PM
Re: affair
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Power Poster
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,760
Running and riding everywhere ...
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IMO, yes it's wierd.
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I don't need any more negativity in my life...be positive and helpful people or I will kick you in the shins!!!
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