Anyone have any tips about bedtime routine for a 9 month old? My child is not a sleeper, unless she is in our bed. She cries hysterically in her bed, sometimes making herself sick. Lately, we have been letting her fall asleep in our bed and then moving her to her room. She has a slept all night a couple nights in a row but last night was up a 4am and back in our bed. Any tips? I really don't want to share my bed.

Who's in charge in your house? Let her cry, as long as she's not in pain, hungry or wet. Mom and Dad's bed is for Mom and Dad only, unless we're reading or watching tv together, but not for sleeping. You're teaching a 9 month old to manipulate you with temper tantrums. Have fun when she's 3. Or 13.

Having said that, we needed friends, who had been through it, to sit with us while our firstborn screamed himself to sleep.

VWgirl...I can totally relate to the horrible sleeper issues. Our daughter is 11 months old and has been a horrible sleeper since she got sick at 3 months. My wife and I have never let ourselves put her in our bed. We have spend a lot of sleepless nights holding and rocking her.

What do you think makes her like your bed? The closeness? Try putting one of your shirts in her crib with her. The scent may help her. As far as crying it out we were not huge fans of it. We recently took her in for an appt and the dr basically told us that is what we needed to do. It would be worse when she is older. Last Monday was our first night of letting her cry it out. We put her down awake, patted her back a few minutes and told her we loved her and would see her in the morning. She cried for 30 mins and was out. Each night has gotten better. She still doesn't sleep through the night. We usually have to get up and change her diaper but maybe only up 20 mins now compared to 2 hours some nights.

Just remember, you are not alone. There are a lot of other parents out there that are experiencing the same as you.

My son was a screamer, too. I feel your pain. We started a bestime routing of, feeding, warm relaxing bath, and then I would read to him, in his bed, until he feel asleep (which was also good for him to learn to like books), of course, we had to do this until he was around five, but looking back, it was pretty special.

Did you have a time limit on how long your let him scream? Did you check on him or just let him cry himself to sleep? I have read up on the Ferber method and tried it a couple nights. It didn't work.

My daughter is very strong willed. I am worried about the teenage years, especially since she has Daddy wrapped around her little finger. My mother says she is pay back.

My wife would put our daughter in her bed, and then sit on the floor near the bed and read a book. She wouldn't look at her or talk to her, just sit there. It didn't take right away, and there were tears, but after awhile my daughter started falling asleep earlier and earlier.

read the child a book and send him/her to sleep in their own bed.

For the for the crying and screaming just move there legs back and forth and tell them that is what a temper tantrum is supposed to look like.

My daughter laughed at that move (no more crying)

I know it stinks, but I do agree with MBH. My daughter has never slept with us.

Routine is the key for a smooth bedtime. We did dinner at the same time, then bath time at the same time, followed by our bedtime routine - the same 2 books and the same song. And then we put her in her crib and that's where she stayed. There were some nights she cried. But that's the way it was.

She was hospitalized A LOT at this age, and we continued the routine in the hospital too. It was the only thing that stayed constant in her life.

Does she go to daycare? If so, how does she sleep there? Our daughter always slept good at daycare. We talked with our daycare provider and created an similar environment. The daycare lady also put her down awake. We never did and it always back fired on us. Putting her down awake has been a tremendous help for us. When we decided to let her cry it out, we gave a time limit of 45 mins then we would go in lay her back down, rub her back and leave again and repeat if needed.

We have always done the same night time routine...bath, book, bottle. For us, the routine didn't help her sleeping.

good gravy, break her of that habit now or she will be forever in your bed...put her in her own and let her cry for a while, go in an provide comfort by rubbing her back, but do not take her back out of the bed...

That is because you used the wrong bottle, the bottle is not for the child.

I was never able to let mine cry it out. I don't have it in me. (don't even ask about the two grandsons!) I stuck with a routine...bath, book, and then bedtime as best we could but with my daughter I had to rock her to sleep until she was probably 4. I was ok giving her that 15-20 minutes a night. With my son, he wanted us to lay with him. Didn't need a book, just for someone to lay with him for that same 15-20 minutes. At 9 months old that's tough. Good luck!

Learn from my mistake - we co-slept with my oldest, who refused to sleep alone. And now, at 11, we STILL have trouble getting her in her own bed and she is a terrible sleeper.

I couldn't do cry it out either, I tried it a couple of times and she would cry herself into puking. But I wish I had tried harder to find something, some way, to get her over her need to have company at night. We also followed a bedtime routine, that didn't affect her sleeping one way or the other.

We started with a crib near the bed when we brought her home and quickly moved it to her own room. There was no time to get used to the staying with mommy and daddy. That could have been what made the transition easier for us.

A lot of her sleep issues started when she started cutting her top teeth. Those have finally broke through (I feel like I could see them just under her gums for months). She was also swaddled and around 6 months we had to wean her from that because she outgrew all the swaddle sleep sacks. At daycare she is usually a great napper. But she also has her days there where she refuses to sleep no matter what they try- swaddle, swing, rocking.

I think tonight I am going to put her down and then go for a run. My husband can listen to her cry. I need some me time.

That is a great idea, VWgirl21!

We had a family friend that co-slept with the infant in bed with the parents. And the situation ended tragically, at the same time that my daughter was an infant. I am hugely against it for that reason.

Cry-it-out works great for some children, and not for others. I think we're all programmed a but differently, and it makes sense to crave the security of mom and dad at night time. I think you'll have to try to get her to feel safe and comfortable in her room - moving her from your bed to hers may not be helping her feel like she belongs in her own bed. It's so hard on the parents when a child just wants to be close. A worn T-shirt of yours stretched over the mattress might help, as someone suggested. Also, white noise. It doesn't have to be a fancy machine - we used a fan, or a cool mist humnidifier, or an FM radio set between the static of stations.

Try having the bedtime routine happen all in the baby's room.

Snuggles, book, song, put the baby in the bed, turn out the lights, turn on the white noise, and try sitting with your back to the baby, but close enough for her to see you, also as someone esle suggested. It could take a few weeks for her to adjust. Whatever you decide to do, keep with it for more than a couple days, even if it's hard, so you give it a chance to feel like a routine.

Oh yeah - we also have this like kw004h suggested - http://www.amazon.com/DEX-Products-Sound...rds=white+noise We have had the same one since 2003! (It has her hospital sticker on it )

I'm glad to read all these tips. We haven't had this issue yet, at just shy of 3 months our little guy still falls asleep before he's finished with his bedtime bottle, but I'm sure it's coming.

Also, if she has any digestive issues, or food allergies, or even sensitive ears, she may be in discomfort when lying flat on her back.

Some of my friends had children with food sensitivities (to formula or even because mom was eating dairy or wheat and passing it through the milk), which only presented themselves as sleep issues. Once the offending food was removed from the baby's (or mother's) diet, big changes happened within a few weeks.

^^^not necessarily, Becca. You may have gotten a good sleeper.

VWgirl21, it supposedly takes 21 days to make a habit so don't give up after just a night or three. Consistency is key. Book(s), a song incorporating the rocking and snuggling and then into bed. nightlights and white noise help some kids too.

And if you go for a run tonight, make sure your husband doesn't go all mushy while you're gone.

I can say that I have a good sleeper right now. From the day we brought him home he sleeps through. All we have to do is put him in his bed with a bottle and a nuk and he is good to go. Maybe once a week or so he will get up in the middle of the night, but otherwise..golden. Now the two older ones...The first one we had a whole routine, jammies, a couple of books and then night night. That worked pretty good. The second one the routine was ok but he still didn't sleep through, so we did cry it out with him and it worked pretty splendidly. Like what was mentioned above, every child is different. You will find out what works for them. Best of luck to you, I know this is not a fun time at all I am fixing to have my fourth in a month or so and I am not excited about not having a sleeper. Hopefully she will be like her older brothers.

Oh yeah and consistency is definitely the key. If you are finding that something is working, keep doing it and don't stop...ever. hehehe. For crying it out, you have to be tough. You cannot pick that child up. I am all for going in and reassuring her/him that momma and daddy are still around and a pat on the back but then get out of there. It might be even best to stay out all together. Do not, under any circumstance pick up/hold that child during the crying out thing.

I saw on the nanny where you just sit in the room and they cry or they don't and then they fall asleep and you leave the room, then you just slowly work your way out every night, just a little bit closer to the door. you don't make eye contact with them, you don't talk to them, you just sit there so they know you are there, but you don't give them any verbal or nonverbal communication. Its a little bit of a process, but it seemed to work everytime on the show.

We did it! I got her ready for bed in her room. Read a story, let her nurse and then put her in her bed. I then went for a run and she cried for about 30 minutes. My husband ended up waking her up though because he didn't like the way she was laying so she ended up crying for another 30 minutes. Even better is she slept all night!!

Thanks for all the advice. We are going to try it again tonight.

YAY!


FWIW, our son sleeps like a pretzel. Straightening him out does no good - he re-pretzels himself in about 15 minutes. We've learned to just let it go.

Great! 30 mins is what took us too!