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#194101 - 05/25/04 09:41 PM Misfit
Anonymous
Unregistered

No reply is requested. These are just my thoughts, but feel free to reply, if you would like.

Ive been singing this song all day:

Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit. Just because Im in Audit (and Compliance), why dont I fit in?

I think it started when I walked to lunch by myself today for the 357th time since taking over the Compliance and Audit Department. Normally, this wouldnt bother me, but Ive been sitting in my office for the last couple of days and no one has stopped by to visit me. Usually, I will visit with everyone and they are always friendly when I stop by. My office is next to the coffee pot and restrooms, so you know there is a lot of traffic past my door. Why wont they stop by and visit?

Additionally, I often feel like Im an outsider in group conversations. I feel that I have nothing in common with the people that I work with. At 32, I am the youngest officer at the bank. Most of the other officers are 40+, so there is a definite age difference. Also, they all have kids and I have none. No common ground there.

Most of the other employees are younger than me and have different priorities. (The rest are also 40+. Is it strange that I am the only one at my office between 30 and 40?) Also, my title intimidates them, or so Ive been told. I think they are scared to talk to me for fear of getting in trouble with the auditor. I dont think that Ive done anything to make them afraid of me. They all do a great job, and I compliment them early and often. Rarely do they get written up, and when they do, its minor. I think it is just their level of job experience and the fact that I am the Auditor.

So why do I feel like Hermey the Elf (I want to be a dentist!) and Rudolph? Why dont I fit in? Maybe one day Santa will want me to guide his sleigh, but now Im in the Land of Misfit Toys. Today, Im feeling abominable.

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#194102 - 05/25/04 10:14 PM Re: Misfit
Sinatra Fan Offline
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Posts: 5,568
New Jersey
Hermie doesn't like to make toys! Hermie doesn't like to make toys! (sorry, I couldn't resist) (hey, at least I didn't start singing "There's always tomorrow for dreams to come true . . .")

You're in a tough spot. I would dare to suggest two things: one, try to find something that you have in common with your fellow employees, and build on that (musical tastes, favorite books or movies, for example). Two, bring in a big bag of bagels and cream cheese for everyone to enjoy on you.

And hang in there! Remember, bumbles bounce (back)!
_________________________
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. Peter Drucker

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#194103 - 05/25/04 11:06 PM Re: Misfit
Anonymous
Unregistered

Thanks Steve! I needed that! I forgot that 'bumbles bounce.

So, if I only get slightly discouraged, am I slightly big or slightly small? Just curious.

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#194104 - 05/26/04 12:32 PM Re: Misfit
DeeQ Offline
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Posts: 40,763
Turnpike Exit 10
And Hermey, sometimes people feel threatened by their auditors/compliance officers (even though they shouldn't). And don't feel bad, they took the guest chairs out of my office...
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

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#194105 - 05/26/04 01:34 PM Re: Misfit
J2C Offline
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,475
Big Brother knows and that's a...
Well Hermy, I too am an auditor in a small bank. The floor that I am on has a lot of activity. My office door is also always open. This week, not one person has said good morning or stopped in to see me. I too am the youngest officer in the bank, so that also makes it hard.

Anyway, I hope that it gets better. The good thing is that Friday is almost here!
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My opinion is mine only- not my employer's!


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#194106 - 05/26/04 02:06 PM Re: Misfit
MackenzieS Offline
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MackenzieS
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,722
Oklahoma
I too am the youngest officer in the bank...oops! Forgot...the CEO promoted his son to a director, I guess that boots me from my throne ...Anyway. Also, I too am the auditor and compliance officer.

There are two side to every situation. It could be worse. You could have every "non officer" employee in your office from the moment you get here telling you their petty sob stories...all the "he said" and "she said", "they wont give us napkins in the break rooms", "she took too long for lunch", "why is she in such a bad mood today?", "where did she go? when will she be back?"...It is endless. I'm not trying to be mean on their behalf, just that sometimes I would love it if noone bothered me for a week! Oh, the work I could get completed.

I agree with the above poster...bring in a big, fat box of donuts first thing in the morning and maybe this will break the ice. Bribery is often a good ice breaker...I've done it myself!

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#194107 - 05/26/04 04:53 PM Re: Misfit
Anonymous
Unregistered

I have no idea who or what Hermey the eft is, but I can tell you I know how you feel and what you are going through. When I was in my twenties, I had a very similar experience, not just at work, but also in social gatherings. I swear, when I would walk up to a small group of people at a party or other gathering, 9 times out of 10, the little group would quickly dissolve. I felt like someone in a bad deodorant commercial. It was horrible, and it left me depresed, which made me even more pathetic and unpleasant to be around.

Then I had an older colleague give me some advice. Smile a lot. Don't just show an interest in other people, be really interested in them. Let them talk. Learn people's names. Be friendly but not pushy. Don't always have a crisis or problem. When you are given the chance to speak, don't make it the Gettysburg address. Make what you say short and meaningful. Be pleasant to be around. Don't gossip. Don't be a fearmonger or pot stirrer. Be someone people want to get to know because you look happy, fun, interesting.

Maybe it doesn't sound like much, but it made a world of difference in the way people have reacted to me since I took this advice to heart.

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#194108 - 05/26/04 04:55 PM Re: Misfit
Neytiri Offline
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Neytiri
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 645
Pandora
I am auditor, and used to be every time I went up to a teller or in someone's office they would say "Uh oh, what have I done now?" I made sure I talk to everyone on a personal level (without giving them audit findings), and try not to be "official" all the time. Things are WAY better now. You want respect but not alienation and fear. Friendliness without compromising your objectiveness and professionalism. I can be friends with my coworkers but still make audit recommendations about their department. Make sure you point the finger at the procedure/process rather than the individual.

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#194109 - 05/26/04 04:57 PM Re: Misfit
Pup Offline
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Pedaling along a scenic highwa...
I think the most important issue addressed in this thread is that "same here" doesn't know who or "what" Hermey the Elf is!! C'mon, Rudolph, the greatest Christmas show played on TV each year?

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#194110 - 05/26/04 08:31 PM Re: Misfit
Lestie G Offline

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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 3,606
Near the Land of Enchantment
Been there and felt like that! It's tough to be young, and in a position of real or perceived power over those around you.

You are just going to have to take the initiative and talk to others, and make the first move in those work/social settings. Sounds like you've been doing that, and are wondering if it makes a difference. Keep at it! It does make a difference. Those bagels, donuts, etc. go a long way. Put them right inside your office door, or get a big jar and keep it full of chocolate. Make sure everyone knows they're welcome to it. Keep asking about everyone's kids/dogs/cats/etc. After a while, they'll start treating you a little more like an insider.

Ask others to lunch, and try to not get your feelings hurt when they don't include you in their plans (that's tough to do, I know). Ask a wide variety of people, and keep at it.

It will get better. Before you know it, you won't be the youngest officer in the bank anymore - you'll just wish you were!! Aahh, the good ole days!!
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#194111 - 05/26/04 11:32 PM Re: Misfit
GreatBlue Offline
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GreatBlue
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,362
Colorado
I've been there too. There's a couple of things I have found that really helped, although they took time.

First, make sure management and the employees know you are on the bank's side. Your loyalty is to the bank, not to the regulations. That doesn't mean you look the other way at violations, but you're there to protect the bank. There are hundreds of ways to make this clear to people and as you do, you'll find (over time) that they begin to view you as one of the team.

The other is to be willing to help with things that are not strictly within your area of responsibility. This is a harder one because you don't want to get dumped on or dillute the effectiveness of your true role, but always saying "not my job" isn't good either. One example is when I'm issuing a negative audit report, I try to make it clear that I will do anything I can to help them fix the problems.
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Opinions are mine and not necessarily my employer's.

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#194112 - 05/27/04 12:09 AM Re: Misfit
HRH Dawnie Offline
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HRH Dawnie
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
Wow, If there is one thing I learned from this thread it's that I'm glad I'm not an auditor.

Oh and I wish our auditors would read it

Donuts buy my way into the hearts of all the branch staff when I visit with my boring CRA video once a year. I highly recommend it.

One thing to consider, when you're looking for someone to stop by the office, pick that group wisely. As the only female on my floor that was an officer for about a year, I got a bit of a reputation because I didn't join the secretaries at their drinking parties (which were full of petty gossip and whining about their bosses). I stuck it out and while I didn't make any friends among the gals, I didn't ever offend them and always brought donuts on occasion. The officers learned I wasn't frightening (my predecessor was less than friendly) and now they stop by just to BS on occasion. I think the fact that I had M&M's on my desk didn't hurt
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Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen

CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.

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#194113 - 05/27/04 01:18 PM Re: Misfit
deppfan Offline
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Posts: 5,184
All over the map.
Quote:

I think the fact that I had M&M's on my desk didn't hurt




That never hurts anything...
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On the road again.....I just can't wait to get on the road again.

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#194114 - 05/27/04 02:30 PM Re: Misfit
CelticsPride Offline
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CelticsPride
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 513
The Boston "Gahden"
I can certainly relate to Hermey. Just last week my "neighbors" were outside my door discussing plans for attending a golf tournament. The next thing I hear is their plans to put together two foursomes for the tournament. My name was never mentioned as a possibility even though I know they know I love to golf.

But you know what Hermey, you just cannot let it get to you. Use your lunch time for you. Find a nice place to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine. Read a book. Take a walk. Listen to music. Life is just too short to let things like this bother you. For in the end, who are the real misfits?
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The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology - Red Auerbach

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#194115 - 05/27/04 02:47 PM Re: Misfit
DeeQ Offline
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Joined: Dec 2002
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Turnpike Exit 10
And Hermey, here's another story (some other BOLers may remember this, sorry for the repeat...)
The Director of Internal Audit and the Compliance Officer (me) went to our annual officers' dinner last year. It was a buffet, and he and I were pretty near the first to be served, and we picked a table. Just the two of us sitting there, chatting, and the Treasurer comes over and says: "Would you look at this, how appropriate that the Internal Auditor and the Compliance Officer are by themselves..."

We just looked at each other...
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

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#194116 - 05/27/04 02:51 PM Re: Misfit
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

I can certainly relate to Hermey. Just last week my "neighbors" were outside my door discussing plans for attending a golf tournament. The next thing I hear is their plans to put together two foursomes for the tournament. My name was never mentioned as a possibility even though I know they know I love to golf.

But you know what Hermey, you just cannot let it get to you. Use your lunch time for you. Find a nice place to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine. Read a book. Take a walk. Listen to music. Life is just too short to let things like this bother you. For in the end, who are the real misfits?




You are sooo right. (Actually, all of you made good comments.) Thank you all for making me feel better. Nothing has changed except for my attitute, but at least that is better.

Now, for my second act, does anyone remember this one? I can't remember which cartoon it is from.

"I'm Mr. Heat Miser. I'm Mr. Sun. I'm Mr. Green Christmas. I'm Mr. 101. Some call me Heat Miser, cause whatever I touch, turns to mush." (Or something like that.)

Being from the South, I could never relate to his brother, Cold Miser (Was that his name?)

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#194117 - 05/27/04 02:58 PM Re: Misfit
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

And Hermey, here's another story (some other BOLers may remember this, sorry for the repeat...)
The Director of Internal Audit and the Compliance Officer (me) went to our annual officers' dinner last year. It was a buffet, and he and I were pretty near the first to be served, and we picked a table. Just the two of us sitting there, chatting, and the Treasurer comes over and says: "Would you look at this, how appropriate that the Internal Auditor and the Compliance Officer are by themselves..."

We just looked at each other...




Unreal! I guess I would be siting with myself, since I am both. My conversation could be, "Hello me, it's me again."

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#194118 - 05/27/04 03:03 PM Re: Misfit
DeeQ Offline
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DeeQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,763
Turnpike Exit 10
Quote:

Quote:

And Hermey, here's another story (some other BOLers may remember this, sorry for the repeat...)
The Director of Internal Audit and the Compliance Officer (me) went to our annual officers' dinner last year. It was a buffet, and he and I were pretty near the first to be served, and we picked a table. Just the two of us sitting there, chatting, and the Treasurer comes over and says: "Would you look at this, how appropriate that the Internal Auditor and the Compliance Officer are by themselves..."

We just looked at each other...




Unreal! I guess I would be siting with myself, since I am both. My conversation could be, "Hello me, it's me again."




Actually, we just laugh about it... Because we are both evil...
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

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#194119 - 05/27/04 03:04 PM Re: Misfit
IUalum Offline
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 942
Kentucky
Quote:

I have no idea who or what Hermey the eft is




Hermey, the EFT - the Little ACH that Could!
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Opinions expressed are mine and not necessarily that of my employer.

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#194120 - 05/27/04 03:46 PM Re: Misfit
CelticsPride Offline
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CelticsPride
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 513
The Boston "Gahden"
Heat Miser and Snow Miser are from "The Year Without A Santa Claus". As I recall, George S. Irving was Heat Miser and Dick Shawn was Snow Miser. My kids love that one!
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The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology - Red Auerbach

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#194121 - 05/27/04 05:40 PM Re: Misfit
Pup Offline
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Pup
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,045
Pedaling along a scenic highwa...
Quote:

Quote:

And Hermey, here's another story (some other BOLers may remember this, sorry for the repeat...)
The Director of Internal Audit and the Compliance Officer (me) went to our annual officers' dinner last year. It was a buffet, and he and I were pretty near the first to be served, and we picked a table. Just the two of us sitting there, chatting, and the Treasurer comes over and says: "Would you look at this, how appropriate that the Internal Auditor and the Compliance Officer are by themselves..."

We just looked at each other...




Unreal! I guess I would be siting with myself, since I am both. My conversation could be, "Hello me, it's me again."




Now, how can an internal auditor/compliance officer who knows the characters from the greatest Christmas program ever made and can quote Megadeth ("Sweating Bullets") ever sit alone?

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#194122 - 05/27/04 06:45 PM Re: Misfit
Anonymous
Unregistered

I was wondering if anyone would catch the musical reference. Good catch Fraud Dawg! Maybe it's because I can't quote any Kenny Chesney or any other newer country songs.

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#194123 - 05/27/04 06:49 PM Re: Misfit
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

Heat Miser and Snow Miser are from "The Year Without A Santa Claus". As I recall, George S. Irving was Heat Miser and Dick Shawn was Snow Miser. My kids love that one!




This is also one of my favs. You can catch it on Cartoon Network sometimes around Christmas. They don't make classics like that anymore. Did I just sound like an old man?

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