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#2102338 - 10/07/16 04:57 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
justsayjulie Offline
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 293
back home again
Sunshine, I'm in the same boat as your hubby. Main reason why we relocated back to my hometown several years ago.
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#2114058 - 01/12/17 06:25 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Skittles
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,965
TN
Looks like mom is going to need someone with her 24/7 for a short period of time. She can't be home by herself and is too 'strong' to qualify for inpatient rehab. My sister is talking to Home Instead. While it's pricey, it may be our best bet. Does anyone have any experience with them? I know it's a chain.

Thanks!
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#2114198 - 01/13/17 04:43 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
HRH Okie Banker Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
I don't but just want to stop in and say prayers are going up for y'all through this. There is some "There but for the grace of God....." in my heartfelt prayers. I'm not ready to do this long distance.
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#2114203 - 01/13/17 04:53 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Skittles
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TN
Thank you. She will probably be getting out of the hospital tomorrow and, hopefully, realizes that she can't be home by herself - at least for awhile. Then we may have someone come in to do light chores, help her bathe, etc. While she wants to do these things on her own the chance of falling (which is what she's been doing - BP was 80/40 when she stood up) while bathing is very high. Mom will be 92 next month.

Yes - I'm now 4 hours away when I used to be 2. Luckily all of my siblings are close by my mother. I feel guilty, but there's nothing I can do about the distance.
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#2114790 - 01/19/17 08:55 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Skittles
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TN
Mom was moved to an assisted living facility on Tuesday and started her rehab yesterday. She did get released last week - but was back at the hospital about 3 hours later. They think she may be there a week, but who knows for sure. She is fussing because my sister wants someone to come in daily to help her do things - bathe - cook for her, etc. She wants to be by herself. I'm taking off tomorrow to go up and see her.
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#2114810 - 01/19/17 09:58 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Sunshine Lady Offline
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Joined: Apr 2014
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Since I posted back in October, My MIL passed away January 2nd, very unexpected. She was 87 and we have had to put my FIL in a nursing home, and he is not happy about that, but he is 89 and cannot stay by himself, nor can we afford for him to have 24 hour around the clock care at home. He has only been there for 2 weeks and has called us about everything. I finally told my husband that he needs to talk to him and let me know that we are doing the best we can, but we have to work and cannot run to the nursing home every time he thinks he needs something or things are not going his way. He is at the nursing home to get the care he needs and all he has to do is ask them. My father had a second stroke and has been in the nursing home for about 3 years. Thank goodness they are in the same home and right next door to each other. My husband and I are both worn out but know we have to keep going. Hoping that my FIL will settle down after a while. My husband is not well himself, so we both pray we can stay strong enough to take care of his father and my father.
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#2114821 - 01/19/17 11:45 PM Re: Caring for our parents Sunshine Lady
Peach Offline
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 179
Out West
What are the chances of having your Father and your FIL in the same home? Actually that is pretty cool. The transition is so hard on everyone. Prayers for everyone going through this. Friend of mine is visiting her Mom on one side of town in Alzheimer's care and Dad living at home that cant see or hear on the other side of town and she lives an hour away from both of them. Talk about tired! I don't know what those do that don't have faith I really don't.

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#2114838 - 01/20/17 12:53 PM Re: Caring for our parents Skittles
DEL Offline
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 730
Maine
Skittles, I'm in a similar situation. My Mom is in a retirement community. At 95 she's still pretty sharp but her eyesight is pretty limited. The place she lives in can provide just about any support service you can think of, from a 15 minute-per-day "drop in" to round the clock care. But Mom doesn't want the help. Yet, there are simple things that cause her a lot of stress and energy. I don't know why she is so stubborn - there must be some deep-rooted ideas about competence and independence in conflict here, but her alternative is to go into a more restricted living situation - it seems like she would hate that more!

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#2115090 - 01/23/17 02:28 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Mom passed a lot of blood on Thursday and her hemoglobin went down to 7.4. She was hospitalized and tests done - and the doctor said it is diverticulosis. She's going back tot he assisted living this morning. And then yesterday - my oldest brother had a full blow seizure - never had one before. And he refused to stay in the hospital. Is going to his cardiologist today to start the process.

Sunshine - I'm very sorry for what you're going through and hopefully your FIL will settle down soon. Maybe he'll make a new friend.
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#2115094 - 01/23/17 02:41 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
E.E.G.B Offline
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the sandy shore
I'm sorry Skittles. I know this is a very stressful time for y'all. Take it one hour at a time.
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#2115109 - 01/23/17 03:46 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Thanks - and I'm trying to. Very wild right now with the new job - living apart from my husband - and all of the family health issues.
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#2115115 - 01/23/17 04:20 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Cracked Egg Offline
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 55
Kentucky
Thoughts and prayers with you and your family Skittles. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
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#2115118 - 01/23/17 04:28 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Thanks Cracked!
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#2115161 - 01/23/17 06:40 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Sunshine Lady Offline
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Sunshine Lady
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 676
I appreciate being able to just express myself about what some of us go thru on a daily basis. Sometimes it feels like we are the only ones. Thanks everyone for the encouraging words in this forum. You never know how much they help.
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#2115179 - 01/23/17 07:49 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Purple Pride Offline
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Purple Pride
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 78
Where I am supposed to be
I truly love reading all of the stories of care and dedication toward your parents in this conversation. It warms my heart to know that there is still this level of care and devotion in the world. I lost my mom seven years ago this coming April and my Dad just passed on January 11 (funeral was this past Saturday). For those reading this who may not have need to care for their parents in this manner yet, please make sure they know how much you love them and speak with them when you can. My brother and I were not able to get to the hospital to say goodbye to Dad before he passed (complications from quadruple bypass surgery). Please make sure you say whatever needs to be said to them while you still have the chance.
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#2115183 - 01/23/17 08:03 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Skittles
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TN
So sorry for your loss, Purple Pride.
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#2115185 - 01/23/17 08:04 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Truffle Royale Offline

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My mom had diverticulosis. Cleared up nicely but she has to stay away from real popcorn (only puff corn) and seeds. She just turned 90 last week and is doing amazingly well. As I read some of your posts here, I'm only reminded how lucky I am to have her living with me and my daughter, the geriatric nurse. And my sister tells me regularly what a relief it is for her not to have to worry about Mom being alone, etc.

As for your brother's seizure, Skittles, I'm not sure what a cardiologist can do for him. He likely needs a neurologist unless it wasn't a seizure in the true sense of the word. Lots of things can provoke one from a neurological disorder to lack of sleep and stress. Hopefully he can get it diagnosed quickly and controlled by meds.

Sunshine Lady, hang in there. You should be having family counsel meetings with the staff at the nursing home for both of your fathers. Maybe they can schedule one that will include both the gentlemen at the same time. Talking it out and having your father there to reassure your fil may help more than anything you can say or do. My heart aches for your fil. To lose his wife and then his life as he knew it all in the last three weeks has to be extremely difficult and upsetting for him. And at 89, he's likely losing some hearing and cognitive abilities that affect his coping too. Take care of yourself and your husband and just be patient. Time will help him adjust.

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#2115186 - 01/23/17 08:24 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Soccer Offline
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Posts: 1,028
Utopia
Purple Pride very sorry for your loss.
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#2115227 - 01/23/17 10:56 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
MyBrainHurts Offline
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 960
Illinois
Very sorry, Purple Pride. I know how hard that is when you miss that chance for a last goodbye.


And prayers for all the rest of you and your families.
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#2115261 - 01/24/17 02:21 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
E.E.G.B Offline
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Posts: 6,726
the sandy shore
So sorry, Purple Pride. Don't beat yourself up over not being able to be there.
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#2115372 - 01/24/17 08:04 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
fungrandma Offline
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Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 5
Sorry to hear of all the issues and losses everyone has had.
It is hard to see our parents age. My mom went into the nursing home about 18 mo ago. She has early/mid Alzheimer's. Was getting too hard for my dad to take care of her. She has somewhat adjusted. The biggest issue is she won't leave her room unless my dad takes her. She doesn't partake in any activities or even go out for the meals. She is pretty much wheelchair bound do to inactivity.
My 91 y/o MIL broke her hip last year. She is back home, but I personally don't think she should be. My FIL is 93 and he more or less takes care of her. They both use walkers. I know they want to be in their own home, but they live in the country and worry about them, especially when the weather is bad. My husband and his siblings are still somewhat in denial that their folks need more help then they think. I try and express my concerns, but they are usually unheard.
I agree that this sight is a great way to express concerns and also get ideas, etc. from others.

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#2115404 - 01/24/17 09:33 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Christine81 Offline
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 78
I have diverticulosis, and have for many years. As long as I stay away from popcorn and seeds, I am good. I really only had one "flare up" after the original diagnosis, when I ate something with mustard seeds and didn't realize they were in there. It's a bummer when you can't eat fresh berries, etc, but they definitely aren't worth the pain. I was diagnosed in my 30's. Actually was initially diagnosed with a mass in my colon, due to my age. Spent 24 hours thinking I had colon cancer. Made the final diagnosis and the loss of eating popcorn, berries and seeds not all that hard to take. I hope the medication clears it up for her Skittles, and she does well.

It is such a worry when are parents age. I was a late in life child (surprise, as my mom would say). My parents said I kept them young, but a few times in their later years, they sure made me feel old. Ugh. Cherish all the moments, as unfortunately they become memories before you are ready. Thinking of all of you!

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#2115433 - 01/25/17 01:38 AM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Truffle Royale Offline

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wow...this thread has been going for three years now. I'm rereading some of it and feeling thankful to all of you who have posted and continue to do so. My heart aches for those whose parents have passed over these years. Kudos to all of you here who care enough to share advice and support. And continued prayers for us all.

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#2115511 - 01/25/17 05:51 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
waldensouth Offline
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waldensouth
Joined: Nov 2001
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FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
Fungrandma, my grandparents lived in the country and didn't want to leave their home even though they were in poor health. My mother, aunt, and I took turns spending the weekend with them buying groceries, taking care of bills, mowing the lawn, generally taking care of them. Home health care came during the week to clean house and cook for them along with a nurse once per week to check on them. We couldn't have managed to keep them at home without that service.
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#2117325 - 02/07/17 07:30 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Mom spent 3 weeks in and out of the hospital and rehab and was able to go home a week ago last Friday with 24 hour care. This was going to be temporary until she was strong enough - and then we would only have them come a few hours a day to cook, clean, help her bathe, etc. Friday mom was hospitalized with critically low potassium and magnesium - and then contracted pneumonia. The pneumonia is improving; however her mineral levels are still low - and tests indicate she has a high probability of having a blood clot. They are going to do a test later today to check since the initial test didn't show one - just that she probably had one. When she's finally released it's back to rehab to regain her strength. Mom will be 92 in just over 2 weeks.

Ugh!
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