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#1961785 - 09/12/14 09:21 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 38
The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
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Welcome in FG! Even if they were able to hand out cards when you were born that said, your parent will have Alzhaiemers or Dimentia it would still be impossible to prepare for it. Its a good group in here. We laugh with each other (a necessity BTW), cry with each other and sometimes prop each other up. Sometimes its just nice to have a place to talk about it in complete freedom.
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Run like the wind, but never forget gravity.
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#1961858 - 09/13/14 07:16 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 17,413
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BB, You know my daughter is medical director at an assisted living facility that has a dementia section. I've shared the story of your mother with her. Yesterday when I told her about the piano in your mom's new home, my daughter got excited and said 'It sounds like Alive Inside!' Apparently, the 2014 Sundance Film Festival Audience Award went to the movie Alive Inside which shows how music can stimulate the brain in ways drugs cannot reach. The trailer is intriguing and moving. The movie is playing in Tulsa right now and coming to Madison in two weeks. For all of us living with dementia in our family member, I urge you to bring this to the attention of the facility they're at. Or at the very least, buy an ipod for them! According to my daughter, the results of having them listen to their music can be astounding. Of course, that led to a whole discussion of what music would be picked for who, a great reminder to always remember to laugh.
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#1962054 - 09/15/14 07:45 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 730
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So just wondering if anyone has any suggestions. My mom & stepdad are both aging and mom has been having memory issues for a couple of years. She can't remember dates or numbers, kind of small things at this point. But her short term memory is getting pretty bad. She does fine day-to-day, cooking, cleaning, etc. But the problem is my stepdad is also losing his short-term memory and is getting super bossy, cranky, downright mean to mom about her memory, even though he can't remember the same things he is expecting her to remember. Things like "you should *@#!!$* know that number" or that date, or whatever it is she doesn't remember, even though he doesn't know it either. This then upsets mom whose emotions are all over the board anyway because she knows she can't remember and has memory problems. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation? I'm afraid talking to him won't help because he probably doesn't realize he is doing it. And I'm not that close to him that I feel comfortable talking to him about it.
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#1962194 - 09/16/14 03:46 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
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Me either hmdagal! My mother wants me to make all her decisions now - but only so she will have someone to blame if it goes wrong. She pointed out that she went from her father making all the decisions to her husband making all the decisions to my sister making them. I'm all that is left. Oh boy!
After listening to her go on and on about all the issues she house with her house I mentioned that maybe it's time she moved into something less burdensome and she yelled at me that "I'm not giving in and throwing the towel yet!". (sigh)
I don't think one 3/4 blood German woman should have to take care of another 100% full blooded German lady. There oughta be a law on that.
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Just working here until I get my letter from Hogwarts.
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#1962228 - 09/16/14 05:11 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 38
The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
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We have starteed playing music from the 40's for mom all during the day (40's music channel) and she seems to like that and it helps to make her a little mor interactive. She is still playing the piano and enjoys it as well!
Snow, I would love to give you some hint that just works magic, but I dont really have one. They may both just have age related memory loss and be ornery, or one or both could be showing signs of Dementia or Alzheimers. Things to look for include not only loosing things, but also having the same conversation over and over. Answering the same question multiple times in the same conversation. Extreme frustration with memory issues. And they become very impatient and rude to the primary care giver. Their "filter" for appropriateness of comments begins to fade. None of these are "proof" that they have dementia or Alzheimers, but an increase or suddenly noticing these things would indicate that you should pursue it further with a physician.
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Run like the wind, but never forget gravity.
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#1962621 - 09/17/14 06:43 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
HRH Okie Banker
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100 Club
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 130
NorthWest
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My mother wants me to make all her decisions now - but only so she will have someone to blame if it goes wrong. Sounds like we have the same mother! My mom is also in a house she can't afford and eventually will have to sell it (and should never have bought it!). I bite my lip and change the subject whenever she starts to complain about her financial or housing situation 'cause I know if I make any "suggestion" when she moves it will be all my fault.
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#1963513 - 09/22/14 01:36 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,992
Soaring over Georgia
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Mom's aggressive and self endagering behaviors continued to increase last week. On Friday, she went so far as to climb out the window of her bedroom since we had the doors locked. We wound up having her admitted to a geriatric psychiatric treatment center on Friday afternoon. The center is almost 2 hours driving time from us and has very limited visiting hours. Hopefully they'll get some answers, but I think we are looking at the need to get her into a skilled nursing facility long term. It was a very sad week and weekend for us. I'm struggling with whether I've done the right things for her, but I can't leave my wife in danger either and it was escalating in that direction.
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Jim Bedsole, CRCM, CBA, CFSA, CAFP My posts - my opinions
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#1963515 - 09/22/14 01:49 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,965
TN
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Jim - how awful for you and your family. I'm sure you are questioning your decisions, but it sounds like you made the right ones - as hard as they were.
Prayers being said for you, your wife and your mother.
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#1963549 - 09/22/14 02:58 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 38
The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
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Safety and well being of everyone involved has to be primary in the decission making process and sounds like that is exactly what you took into account. It makes it no easier and it is natural to question the decision. But I think that given the information that you posess any rational person would have to make the same decision. I am sorry that you have had to take this on.
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Run like the wind, but never forget gravity.
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#1974560 - 11/05/14 10:00 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 835
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Can anyone recommend a good cane? I've seen those canes on TV that stand up on freely and the ones that fold. I wonder if that joints would weaken eventually on the fold up kind. Dad has beginning stages of parkinsons and needs it for balance.
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Live Like No One Else! CRCM
Opinions expressed are my own and do not reflect the views of my employer.
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#1974645 - 11/06/14 01:11 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,965
TN
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Sorry *W*W* - wish I could. My father uses his mother's (she died in 1982) four-pronged cane and it seems to work pretty well for him. Have you gone to a home health place to see what they have? Maybe contact your doctor for recommendations?
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My Opinions Only
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#1974723 - 11/06/14 03:19 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 697
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Jim, I understand where you are coming from. Had to put my father in a nursing home about two years ago. It was a hard decision, but it was the best for everyone. He has 24/7 care and he is well taken care of. We tried everything and that was our last choice and I would do the same thing again.
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Define Success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you are proud of. Anne Sweeney
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#1974743 - 11/06/14 03:42 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
*W*W*
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 38
The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
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Can anyone recommend a good cane? I've seen those canes on TV that stand up on freely and the ones that fold. I wonder if that joints would weaken eventually on the fold up kind. Dad has beginning stages of parkinsons and needs it for balance. This is one that I bought for my dad when he needed on after surgery. He liked it really well, its nice looking and very comfortable to use. Its also available in a "quad base" if more stability is needed. http://www.fashionablecanes.com/3069.html
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Run like the wind, but never forget gravity.
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