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#1981713 - 12/08/14 09:39 PM I Confess....
'Lil Freak! Offline
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'Lil Freak!
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,595
The psych ward
If I had been working harder and not looking to see if today's Amazon "30% off Shoes + More" coupon would actually be honored on another pair of Salomon trail runners I wouldn't have purchased another pair of shoes frown
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No, I didn't lose my mind. It got scared and ran away.

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#1981717 - 12/08/14 09:44 PM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
RR Joker Offline
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The Swamp
laugh
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Say you'll haunt me - Stone Sour

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#1981720 - 12/08/14 09:51 PM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
Matt_B Offline
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Matt_B
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Posts: 1,648
A CU, Where Regs Don't Apply
And if you were working harder, you wouldn't be here confessing it!

And we wouldn't be here reading your confession. laugh
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#1981738 - 12/08/14 11:51 PM Re: I Confess.... Matt_B
'Lil Freak! Offline
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'Lil Freak!
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,595
The psych ward
I confess...it's a vicious cycle.
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No, I didn't lose my mind. It got scared and ran away.

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#1981750 - 12/09/14 04:32 AM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
DD Regs Offline
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DD Regs
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Somewhere in the middle
I confess....

The stories on this site made me laugh. It is reviews of the effects of eating sugar free gummi bears.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/michaelrusch/haribo-gummy-bear-reviews-on-amazon-are-the-most-insane-thin
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I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

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#1981753 - 12/09/14 12:54 PM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
NotPerfect Offline
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 682
Midwest
I have a gift certificate for Performance Running Outfitters that I have not spent yet. What's wrong with me?

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#1981789 - 12/09/14 02:43 PM Re: I Confess.... DD Regs
CompliantOkie Offline
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CompliantOkie
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 420
OOOOOOklahoma
Originally Posted By: DD Regs
I confess....

The stories on this site made me laugh. It is reviews of the effects of eating sugar free gummi bears.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/michaelrusch/haribo-gummy-bear-reviews-on-amazon-are-the-most-insane-thin

I confess...
I googled this ^^ and laughed out loud!!

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#1981793 - 12/09/14 02:49 PM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
DD Regs Offline
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DD Regs
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Somewhere in the middle
It ranks, pun intended, right up there with the texas chili contest story. laugh
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I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

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#1981833 - 12/09/14 03:44 PM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
E.E.G.B Offline
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Posts: 6,726
the sandy shore
I confess... that I have eaten more Trader Joe's cookie butter cups than are really good for me.
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I disbelieved what he was saying so hard, I probably created an alternate universe where it wasn't true.

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#1981837 - 12/09/14 03:45 PM Re: I Confess.... DD Regs
Peepers Offline
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Posts: 13,994
Originally Posted By: DD Regs
It ranks, pun intended, right up there with the texas chili contest story. laugh


Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy [censored], what the [censored] is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich. They had to call in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting [censored]-faced.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb woman is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! !

CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that chick Sally. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone!

CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like [censored], to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

(Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).
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#1981855 - 12/09/14 04:33 PM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
cheekEE Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,594
Easy Street
I confess: As I wrapped presents yesterday I realized I didn't actually buy anything! Thank goodness there are still days left to spend money.
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Some days good karma isn't worth the hassle.

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#1981856 - 12/09/14 04:36 PM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
Matt_B Offline
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Matt_B
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A CU, Where Regs Don't Apply
You've taken up shoplifting as a hobby? I bet TJ taught you all the tricks!
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Someone's about to get horned!

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#1981860 - 12/09/14 04:44 PM Re: I Confess.... 'Lil Freak!
RR Joker Offline
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The Swamp
Are you feeling better now, Peeps? Judged any more contests since then?
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My opinion only. Not legal advice.

Say you'll haunt me - Stone Sour

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