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#1983585 - 12/17/14 01:49 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
E.E.G.B Offline
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the sandy shore
Jaenelle, that's similar to some of what my MIL is going through too. I hope they are able to help your mom.
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#1983711 - 12/17/14 04:37 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
fun grandma Offline
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fun grandma
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midwest
Thinking of all of you through the difficult times.
My mom isn't doing to bad currently. She doesn't go out much and conversations can be interesting at times, but fairly good otherwise. Dad is still able to get out for pool, etc.
My in laws are 89 & 91, have really slowed down, but still hanging in there. They will celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary Jan 2. Hoping to have a party for them in April.

Times like these are especially hard during the holidays. Hang in there as SSL said, take one day at a time.

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#1983861 - 12/17/14 08:48 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
jaenelle Offline
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Kansas
Thank you for all the prayers, everyone. Of course mine go up for all of you as well.

My mom's been coughing really dreadfully the last several days. I'm unsure if it's the lung fluid or a respiratory infection -- she's diabetic so neither one seems especially good.

She and I don't often see eye to eye on many things, but she's still my mother and I love her very much.
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#1983863 - 12/17/14 08:58 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
My father is also diabetic, jaenelle, which can be an issue with pneumonia. The doctor's have confirmed that your mom doesn't have pneumonia, haven't they? When dad was hospitalized two weeks ago they removed almost 4 liters of fluid from his lungs. I don't know how he survived this twice this year, but he's still going. He's a tough old bird for 93.
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#1983894 - 12/17/14 09:40 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
E.E.G.B Offline
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the sandy shore
Yeah, MIL is also diabetic. Are y'all's parents doing dialysis on top of this? That's been a complication as well, trying to juggle treatment at the rehab center with trips to the (different location ) dialysis center.
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#1983900 - 12/17/14 09:52 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
No dialysis here. Dad's kidney's are in stage 4 failure, but not to the point where he needs dialysis.
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#1984789 - 12/23/14 02:29 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
MyBrainHurts Offline
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Illinois
My MIL had me laughing again this weekend. She told us that my sister-in-law had paid to board their cat while they went on vacation. She struggles to find the right words, and it took forever for us to get the point, (at first she was talking about renting a cat) but eventually expressed her amazement that anyone would pay money to have someone take care of a cat. MIL hates cats. As I share her feelings 100%, we had a good laugh. It's such a struggle for her to speak sometimes that I think she very pleased to have been able to communicate.

My MIL is congested, and has a weak cough, and my wife is really worried that it wouldn't take much for pneumonia to set in, so we are learning to cherish these little conversations.
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#1984808 - 12/23/14 03:20 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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The Swamp
Yes, you just have to take what you can get when you get it. smile
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#1985108 - 12/24/14 03:59 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Spoke with my dad last night. Physical therapy had come to the house to help him try to get stronger. I asked him how it went. He said 'Well, if I do what they want me to do then it would probably help'. Stubborn old man just won't do that.

Ugh!
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#1985234 - 12/26/14 03:47 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
jaenelle Offline
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Kansas
My aunt (my mom's only sister) is here for a few days and wants to take my mom out to do things today, since they don't get to spend very much time together. The thing is that my aunt is a single lady, never married, no kids, and as such is pretty self-centered. My mom has both balance issues and sight issues and I'm a little scared, because my aunt never pays very much attention to things like curbs that mom could easily trip over. I probably can't go with them either, but I might ask if I can take the afternoon off and go supervise.
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#1985317 - 12/29/14 01:03 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Dad looked like he had aged five years during the past six weeks. He couldn't get dressed to go to my sister's for Christmas (didn't have the strength) so my husband stayed with him and my son took both of them some of the wonderful food we had. My mother was very teary eyed; however she got to see 4 of her 5 children, 6 of her 8 grandchildren and all 4 great-grandchildren.
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#1985335 - 12/29/14 03:21 PM Re: Caring for our parents fun grandma
HRH Okie Banker Offline
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Originally Posted By: fun grandma
Thinking of all of you through the difficult times.
My mom isn't doing to bad currently. She doesn't go out much and conversations can be interesting at times, but fairly good otherwise. Dad is still able to get out for pool, etc.
My in laws are 89 & 91, have really slowed down, but still hanging in there. They will celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary Jan 2. Hoping to have a party for them in April.

Times like these are especially hard during the holidays. Hang in there as SSL said, take one day at a time.




Jan 2nd is my mom and dad's anniversary too. I lost my dad in 1992. My mother, now 77, still counts anniversaries. I still call her every year, on Jan 2nd, and congratulate her - on 56 years of marriage this year.

I learned the hard way that you don't tell your mother to stop counting upon death. Oh, what a time that was. Now I just congratulate her and everyone is happy.

During the phone call she will say something like "Not many couples make it to 56 years any more, do they" and I will say "No Mother, that's pretty special any more, isn't it?". crazy
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#1985347 - 12/29/14 04:07 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Truffle Royale Offline

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janelle, I'm just like you when it comes to entrusting my mother to others, even my sister. She lives with me so I know exactly what she's capable of, what she likes, etc. So it bugs me when others brush off my concerns or tell me not to hover over her.

Perfect example was when I walked ahead leaving Mom with my sister as they climbed the steps into church. Sister wasn't paying attention or holding her arm and Mom fell.

But much like a child, I can't be with Mom all the time. I can only caution the others and pray Mom comes home safely.

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#1985354 - 12/29/14 04:37 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
jaenelle Offline
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 50
Kansas
Originally Posted By: Truffle Royale
janelle, I'm just like you when it comes to entrusting my mother to others, even my sister. She lives with me so I know exactly what she's capable of, what she likes, etc. So it bugs me when others brush off my concerns or tell me not to hover over her.

Perfect example was when I walked ahead leaving Mom with my sister as they climbed the steps into church. Sister wasn't paying attention or holding her arm and Mom fell.

But much like a child, I can't be with Mom all the time. I can only caution the others and pray Mom comes home safely.



My dad, I absolutely trust with mom -- he's very good to her and makes sure she's well taken care of. He's 10 years younger than her and in very good shape for his age, also, which helps a lot.

My husband, when mom will allow him to help her (not often, because she doesn't like him) is very good as well. He has quite a few years of nursing home experience so I feel comfortable with this.

I don't have any medical training, but I /know/ my mom and pay close attention to her.
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#1991063 - 01/26/15 08:03 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Bankbb1, PITA Offline
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The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
Well, I havent been on in a very long time due to both work and keeping up with my mom and dad and life in general and this will be a brief run through at best.
1st Hi everybody and I hope all is going well with each of you. We have finally taken a bigger step with my mom and placed her in a facility that specializes with memory issues. My dad simply could not do it any more. After a lot of research we were very lucky to find that the best facility in our area was pretty close to their home and dad has been able to see her every day. I am able to see her 3-5 times a week and we can take her out to dinner or for a drive or whatever. She has been much more animated and engaged with others since we placed her there. The staff is perfect with her. We did the transistion on her birthday. We speant several weeks furnishing and decorating her new apartment and I made certain to explaint ot everyone not to ask her how she liked her new apartment or anything like that. It has been very tough on dad. He misses her at home and has commented how big and empty the house is. We have him over for dinner and I have been going by to see him on a regular basis, but I know he is lonely and still dealing with the guilt issues. He alsways asks the staff if she seems sad. As most of you know dementia patients dont really show a lot emottion the same way that you tyically think of it, but she definitely seems brighter and more engaged with the world since being there. I think it is more a question of being comfotable with her surroudings. The one thing that I have noted is that she not asked if she could go "home" since being there. When she lived at home she constatly asked if she could go "home". I dont hink the word home for her means a geographical place anymore. I think it means a place that feels normal and comfortable in her mind. I think, at least for now, she has found home.
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#1991075 - 01/26/15 08:14 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
RR Joker Offline
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The Swamp
Great news, BBB1. I hope your Dad adjusts okay tho! frown
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#1991121 - 01/26/15 09:10 PM Re: Caring for our parents RR Joker
RobinS Offline
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NorthWest
BBB1 - I was wondering why you've been so quiet lately. How nice to know your mom is comfortable in her new surroundings. My prayers are with your father as he learns to adjust to the seperation and alone time.

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#1991181 - 01/26/15 10:15 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Bankbb1, PITA Offline
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Bankbb1, PITA
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The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
Thank you guys!
Hopefully I will get to check in a bit more often, but things have far from calmed down in the arena's of life. But this stuff happens. Even though I havent been able to check, I've always known you guys were there. Its amazing, but just knowing that is a real help. <3
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#1991456 - 01/27/15 07:22 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Truffle Royale Offline

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((hugs)) my dear friend.
You're right, of course, that people with dementia have different gauges for happy, sad, etc. This is hardest on your dad who is dealing with loneliness and guilt that your mom has no concept of anymore. It might help to get him into a group for caregivers. You might ask the Social Worker at Mom's new place for help finding a support group of people in the same boat as dad.
Prayers as always.

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#1991759 - 01/28/15 05:17 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Bankbb1, PITA Offline
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Bankbb1, PITA
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The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
Thanks Truffle. I did suggest that and as it turns out we have a friend that also has recently put his spouse into a similar care facility and he and dad have been talking a bit. I think it helps them both.
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#1991779 - 01/28/15 05:45 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Nice to see you around again Bbb1.

I'm glad your parents seem to be accepting the new situation as best they can. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for all of you.
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#1991917 - 01/28/15 08:27 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Bankbb1, PITA Offline
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Bankbb1, PITA
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The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
Hi Skittles!!! ::Waves::
Good to see you too sweetie!

It is another one of lifes changes. We are fortunate that we have a great support system.
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#1991921 - 01/28/15 08:32 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
'Waves' back. Come back and visit again soon!!!
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#1992241 - 01/29/15 05:41 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
waldensouth Offline
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FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
Today is Daddy's 85th Birthday! He is in reasonably good health and of sound mind. I am so grateful for this blessing! His sister did die over the Christmas Holidays which leaves him as the last of 10 children to be living. It has hit him hard. But he's coping. We are blessed.
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#1992248 - 01/29/15 05:57 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Happy Birthday Daddy!!!
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