Sending good thoughts to everyone.

I too am sending good thoughts and hugs and prayers all around. As I "listen" to each of you I will remind you that the power of a BOL prayer (and hug) is mighty and powerful.

So, I have had my suspicions for awhile and this week my mom's doctor agrees. She is to begin taking medicine for Alzheimer. From what I have read, it looks like she is in the early stages. Just something else to add to her health issues. And then I worry about my father. He helps us out with our children each day and sometimes I fear it's too much for him. At the same feel the children keep him sane at the same time. It's so hard seeing your parents go through these changes, which many of you understand the feeling.

They are to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary at the end of the month. My parents are very simple people, and just want to go out to dinner with us and my brother's family. No big celebration. At the same time, my worries that she won't make it til then, because no one in her family have ever reached their 50th anniversary. I'm like well, I guess you are going to be the first. UGHH!!

{{HUGS}} lcrew. Having elderly parents is difficult.

My parents married later in life (second marriages for both) and didn't think they would make 50 years (mom was 35 and dad was 38). In March it will be 55 years. We're getting ready to celebrate mom's 90th birthday in a few weeks.

So - just take it one day at a time. We never know what's going to happen and celebrate each milestone.

Thank you Skittles.

It's so frustrating when all the 'atta girl, Mom, you're going to set a new record' falls on deaf ears, isn't it? At least you know you tried to distract her from her fear of impending doom. Hang in there and enjoy the dinner!

I'm sorry to hear about the diagnosis Icrew, but knowing for sure and getting proactive is a good thing. Watch after mom, but watch after dad too. He is going to have a lot to deal with and its harder for the spouses than it is for the kids. Hugs and prayers for you and yours.

Thank you. And, I do worry about my Dad, Bankbb1. My husband is convinced that we will eventually being living with them, their house is bigger than ours, so that I will be able to handle their affairs.

Mom sounds lively now a days. She's not taking the new medicine everyday though, not sure why not though. She has a doctor's appt in a couple of weeks, I may take her to ask questions that I have directly to the doctor.

Icrew - my mom also has alzheimers', she isn't bad yet, but has enough of the issues. She refused to take the medicine until a couple years ago. I also finally talked her into getting lifeline, as she has some issues with falling.
My dad has had to take the checkbook/credit cards etc away from her. He also does a lot more of the cooking. She doesn't drive anymore also.
Luckily my brother moved back to our home town to help out. He has his own apartment, but goes over couple times a week and is there if needed.
I'm about 3.5 hours away, so I don't get home as often as I'd like.
My dad usually gets out of the house every morning for a couple of hours. That has helped him keep his sanity, as mom can be demanding.
My mom doesn't go out a lot as she has other issues. I wish she was more active, but can't force that either.

Hang in there. This BOL group has been great for me in many ways.

So this happened...
I sent some flowwers to mon. She's always enjoyed flowers and she hadnt had any delivered, so I though I would. No biggie.
A day later I go buy to make sure that she got them, see if she liked them an all that. Well , they are there and she likes them, but sitting next to them is a doll. The face head and hands are hand carved in great detail, the hair obviously attached by hand and all of the clothes are hand made. But it is the creepiest looking thing I have ever seen (Think Annabelle from The Conjuring and Annabelle) and nobody has any idea where it came from. I mean nobody. I asked my dad, my daughters and every one that was on the sign in sheet for coming and going and I asked all the staff. Nonody has a clue about. My daughter came in and said mom was talking to and my daguhter said "Oh He11 no!" it creeped her out so bad. She made the staff get rid of it. I really wish I knew where it came from, it was really a work of art, even it was 50 shades of crrepy!

Any chance mom "borrowed" the creepy azz doll from another resident?

::raises hand waving furiously::

I know, I know!!!!! Freak came by for a visit!!!!!!!

That is very creep, BBB1. I'd get rid of it, too.

BTW - my mom turns 90 tomorrow - and she still drives. Probably not the best thing, but she's still doing it. We were going to have a birthday celebration this past Saturday (think 30 people at a restaurant), but with the weather it's been postponed until the 7th. All kids, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be there.

That is cool Skittles!!

Jen, none of the staff had ever seen it before in anyones apartment.

Nice, Skittles!!

I called her first thing this morning to wish her happy birthday. I asked her what 90 felt like - and she said 'old'.

My MIL turns 91 today, still lives independent, drives, flies up north every summer to see us, and yesterday played shuffleboard. I'm hoping my husband has her genes (his dad passed at 60).

My mom is now 89. She has always been such a hard worker at home and in the family businesses they had. She loved big family gatherings and did all the cooking, loved the company in her home. It seems once daddy died in 2009 everything changed. She suddenly became obsessed with her finances, would be waiting for me at home when I got off work to read this piece of junk mail she just knew when needed to do to help her financially.

This last September she fell and broke her hip, had pins inserted and the last day of September sent to the nursing home for a 3 month rehab. It is now nearly March and she is still there.

She wants to come home, but she is to weak and cannot transfer herself from her wheelchair to a walker, plus she is now incontinence.

We are going through her money to keep her there and looks like they will end up getting her last dime. I don't care about the money, but I sure don't like this guilty feeling that continually hangs over my head. Our parents do so much for us growing up and in our adulthood years. I cannot not reciprocate because of my Lupus and other health issues.

So I have to put on my big girl panties and realize we are doing what is best for her in the long wrong, but I don't like being a grownup and my mother the child!

Skittle my mom was still driving before she fell! An angel had to be riding on her shoulder each time she went out!!!

I also might add she has been diagnosed with Dementia!

With all of her problems and your own health issues, it sounds like she's in the best possible care environment. So please, don't beat yourself up about it, Happy Drugs. There's only so much we can do for anyone, even our parents.

If you feel that your Mom might be happier in a different home, don't hesitate to check out the options.

Otherwise, visit her often. Take her out to dinner if you can. Or, as long as she has no food restrictions, bring one of her home cooked favorites in. Lots of nursing homes have rooms set aside for family visits so you could have Sunday dinners with other family members attending too. I can tell you from the years I worked in a nursing home, visits have a huge impact on the health and happiness of those living in them.

You know you are a grown up when you are dealing with aging parents and you realize that all of your choices suck.

Dementia increases the guilt factor when they don't remember your visits; a friend was chided for never visiting when she had been there the day before. Having a Polaroid camera available, taking pictures of guests and the parent, and noting the dates may salve the situation.

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying it will help the parent remember, that's not how dementia works. It will, however, help the child feel less guilty as there is tangible "evidence" of their attentions.

We have a large scam going around our OKC area about the IRS calling and asking you to pay your taxes over the phone or you will go to jail. I always have to call my mom and let her know to just hang up on these people. They just want your card information to steal your money.

My mother always tells me "You just don't know the pressure I am under when people on the phone ask me for information.". Based on this I always make it a point to tell her about the latest scams.

My mom used to tell me about these calls. She'd take down all kinds of information and insist that they wanted me to call them back, etc. With caller id, we've told her not to answer calls unless she recognizes the name/number. If the caller is legit, they'll leave a message. If it's a scam or robocall, there will be nothing.

She got a little unnerved when these calls started coming from Private Caller. So I explained that to get around blocked calling places have taken to using private numbers and now she's ok again.

Truff - my mom won't 'not' answer the phone even with caller ID because once - once mind you - it was someone she wanted to talk to. I told her that's why she has caller ID.

I'm more worried about Mom rushing to answer the phone. She knows how to check the missed call list and calls back whoever she couldn't get there in time to see...including me. I've also told the entire family that if she doesn't answer, wait five minutes and try again. Thankfully it's working for us.