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#1999523 - 03/03/15 07:37 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Happy Drugs Offline
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Happy Drugs
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 597
Central Texas
You know what is scary folks, we are talking about the future us! I worked with a very smart and dear lady who had over 40 years of banking experience when she retired. She is now in her mid-seventies and she got sucked into a scam. I was upset and shocked that her mind was now letting her down.

I found that I can talk until I am blue in the face and if she has her mind set to do it, she is going to! Of course now at the nursing home she doesn't have her own phone, she I am breathing a little easier on that part!
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#1999991 - 03/05/15 06:10 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Busy Bee, CRCM Offline
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,089
PacificNW
Have any of you had any experience with your elderly parent still insisting on driving? With my grandfather being at the point in his illness that he can't really drive, my grandma is insisting on driving. She is still completely mentally competent but hasn't driven in several years. She wants to start doing the driving so she is not dependent on family to take them places. We would like to practice with her to increase her comfort level with operation of the car (it's a newer vehicle for them). I suggested to my mom that maybe we should have grandma take the Mature Drivers course through one of the local driving schools.

My mom said that suggestion was made to my grandma and it made grandma angry. What I would like to know from any of you is whether or not you've used one of these courses with your own parent/family member. How successful was it? My mom's concern is that the school that offers the program is run by retired police officers. She doesn't want grandma taking the course and possibly having her "red flagged" as a driving hazard where they'll attempt to revoke her license. I think it could be very beneficial for grandma to become comfortable again with driving in heavy traffic.

This process is challenging and emotional! So glad we all can contribute to each other here in constructive ways and offer support! smile

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#1999992 - 03/05/15 06:11 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Busy Bee, CRCM Offline
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,089
PacificNW
Have any of you had any experience with your elderly parent still insisting on driving? With my grandfather being at the point in his illness that he can't really drive, my grandma is insisting on driving. She is still completely mentally competent but hasn't driven in several years. She wants to start doing the driving so she is not dependent on family to take them places. We would like to practice with her to increase her comfort level with operation of the car (it's a newer vehicle for them). I suggested to my mom that maybe we should have grandma take the Mature Drivers course through one of the local driving schools.

My mom said that suggestion was made to my grandma and it made grandma angry. What I would like to know from any of you is whether or not you've used one of these courses with your own parent/family member. How successful was it? My mom's concern is that the school that offers the program is run by retired police officers. She doesn't want grandma taking the course and possibly having her "red flagged" as a driving hazard where they'll attempt to revoke her license. I think it could be very beneficial for grandma to become comfortable again with driving in heavy traffic.

This process is challenging and emotional! So glad we all can contribute to each other here in constructive ways and offer support! smile

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#2000005 - 03/05/15 06:55 PM Re: Caring for our parents Busy Bee, CRCM
jaenelle Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 50
Kansas
Originally Posted By: Busy Bee, CRCM
Have any of you had any experience with your elderly parent still insisting on driving? With my grandfather being at the point in his illness that he can't really drive, my grandma is insisting on driving. She is still completely mentally competent but hasn't driven in several years. She wants to start doing the driving so she is not dependent on family to take them places. We would like to practice with her to increase her comfort level with operation of the car (it's a newer vehicle for them). I suggested to my mom that maybe we should have grandma take the Mature Drivers course through one of the local driving schools.

My mom said that suggestion was made to my grandma and it made grandma angry. What I would like to know from any of you is whether or not you've used one of these courses with your own parent/family member. How successful was it? My mom's concern is that the school that offers the program is run by retired police officers. She doesn't want grandma taking the course and possibly having her "red flagged" as a driving hazard where they'll attempt to revoke her license. I think it could be very beneficial for grandma to become comfortable again with driving in heavy traffic.

This process is challenging and emotional! So glad we all can contribute to each other here in constructive ways and offer support! smile


My mom has limited vision and still drives. Not very far, only in her very small town, and she's very slow and careful. Still, it scares the [censored] out of me. She is on an annual eye exam review schedule now, and that seems to be working so far. My dad or I drive her anywhere out of town, so she doesn't really need her license, but deeply wants to keep it as a symbol of independence, I think.

I think the driving class sounds like a good idea -- never hurts to brush up on skills, IMO. But I understand your grandma being annoyed by it, too -- we never like being told we're lacking in any area.
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#2000010 - 03/05/15 07:25 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
DD Regs Offline
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Somewhere in the middle
Originally Posted By: Truffle Royale
My mom used to tell me about these calls. She'd take down all kinds of information and insist that they wanted me to call them back, etc. With caller id, we've told her not to answer calls unless she recognizes the name/number. If the caller is legit, they'll leave a message. If it's a scam or robocall, there will be nothing.

She got a little unnerved when these calls started coming from Private Caller. So I explained that to get around blocked calling places have taken to using private numbers and now she's ok again.

Yes, this drives me nuts with my Mom. I tell her "Don't answer the phone." I have explained that you can always call them back if they leave a message and it is someone you want to talk to.

She just can't "Not answer". So, I have tried the, if you answer and no one replies, don't say hello again, just hang up.
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#2000971 - 03/11/15 02:35 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Bankbb1, PITA Offline
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 38
The Sovereign State Of Oklahom...
Before mom was in the nursing facility and still at home with dad, she would get the occasional desire to drive. Telling your parent that they cannot drive really is difficulr and can be devastating for them. What I did was simply have a dummy ket made for her car. It doesnt work. She would occasionally try it and then tell dad or call me and I would tell her that I would come by and check it. She almost always forgot about it and the issue was solved.
You feel a little guilty about such deceit, but it was better than telling her no or having her behind the wheel.
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#2001124 - 03/12/15 12:14 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
TINKerBell Offline
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Tiger's Den!
We finally convinced my mom to not drive any more. Her sight is failing and her feet are numb from diabetes. She is slow to react to things and would put others at great risk if she were behind the wheel of a vehicle. The last time she drove was to Costco, and she went over the parking curb three times trying to manuever into a parking space. She put up a great fight and even went and had her license renewed last year, but all of our united continued gentle reasoning with her finally worked. She is now content to have my dad or one of us kids/grandkids drive her to anywhere she needs to go. I feel bad for her. She was and IS a very strong willed woman, and it breaks my heart to see her give into defeat. She never gave in or gave up on anything during her life until this point.
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#2001167 - 03/12/15 02:12 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Took a day off yesterday and went up to help out at my parents. Neither one of them is in good health right now - mom just turned 90 and came down with bronchitis and dad is 93 and losing weight (not eating) and getting weaker. I went to the grocery and bought things my mom wouldn't normally buy - and dad ate every bite. Mom wants to keep him around forever and will only cook 'healthy' food. Dad doesn't like it so he won't eat - and the vicious cycle begins. The doctor finally told mom she's going to have to feed him food with 'fat' in it and not worry so much about it.

I went to the grocery, cleaned around the house, ran the dishes, stripped the bed and washed the sheets, went and picked up some cash for her, got the garbage and recycling together and took it down to the street (and cleaned up trash that people had thrown out on the street), and a few other odds and ends. I don't feel like I did much, but mom was appreciative. My brother and sister have been going over there a lot and I felt I needed to step up a little.
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#2001176 - 03/12/15 02:25 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Truffle Royale Offline

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Small victory story to share.

There are six of us at home, including Mom. That often balloons to nine when my granddaughters visit. We eat as many meals together as possible considering kid schedules. But Mom really can't hear what's happening.

So, yesterday when I took her some tea she finally just said 'I wish you'd come up here and just sit and talk to me more.' We had one of the best talks we've had in years. I even got to tell her that it's frustrating to talk to her when she just nods to cover not hearing something. The fact that I'd just told her something funny and she didn't laugh proved to perfectly emphasize my point.

I was so happy this morning when, instead of the nod and smile she said 'Didn't quite catch all of that. Could you please repeat it?'

Now to keep it going on both our parts.

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#2001177 - 03/12/15 02:28 PM Re: Caring for our parents Skittles
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,181
Yinzerville, PA
I asked my dad if he had made any progress on finding a way to pay for his medication last night. He said that he had been in contact with Pfizer and that he was sending them some information. He sounded positive about it. He also bought himself a new recliner and seemed more concerned about replacing his cellphone since he had to give-up his company cellphone when he retired, so..........

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#2001190 - 03/12/15 02:56 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Truff - that's wonderful.
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#2001230 - 03/12/15 04:42 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
QCL Offline

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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,259
NW IL
Originally Posted By: Truffle Royale


I was so happy this morning when, instead of the nod and smile she said 'Didn't quite catch all of that. Could you please repeat it?'

Now to keep it going on both our parts.



I imagined her saying that and smiled.
We need to come see her too.
smile


BBB1 - Where were you with this driving idea in 2004? When my grandma's Alzheimer's was progressing rapidly and we needed her to stop driving, we sold the car. She loved that car. She'd wanted that car her whole life. A Cadillac. She got it when she was 55. And when she turned 65 she got a new model. And put vanity plates on, that said "FLORIS." There was only one Floris in town and people knew it was her car. And my cousin bought the car.

From that point on, Grandma was convinced that my cousin, her beloved granddaughter had stolen the car. There was no convincing her that she had willingly sold it. And every time she saw her car, for the next 6 months (before she began her stay in the nursing home) she would say, "Yup, there is the car you stole from me." Her short term memory stunk, except over that one little item.
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#2001303 - 03/12/15 07:56 PM Re: Caring for our parents Skittles
DEL Offline
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 730
Maine
Originally Posted By: Skittles
Took a day off yesterday and went up to help out at my parents. Neither one of them is in good health right now - mom just turned 90 and came down with bronchitis and dad is 93 and losing weight (not eating) and getting weaker. I went to the grocery and bought things my mom wouldn't normally buy - and dad ate every bite. Mom wants to keep him around forever and will only cook 'healthy' food. Dad doesn't like it so he won't eat - and the vicious cycle begins. The doctor finally told mom she's going to have to feed him food with 'fat' in it and not worry so much about it.



You've met my in-laws!

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#2001352 - 03/12/15 09:46 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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under the Lone Star
If any of y'all are thinking of adopting, please consider me.
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#2001588 - 03/13/15 05:33 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
Before my mom makes any decision at all she first likes to ask the opinion of every one she knows. In the end, though, in really doesn't matter because she will almost always go with what "Barbara said....". Barbara is the neighbor and best friend of 41 years.

To paraphrase: "Barbara, Barbara, Barbara!!!!It's always about Barbara!"
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#2002600 - 03/19/15 02:22 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Last edited by Skittles; 03/19/15 02:23 PM.
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#2005983 - 04/02/15 08:46 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 960
Illinois
My MIL, who will be 99 in a few weeks, hasn't been eating for many months. Her doctor, a very caring woman who visits the nursing home, has begun taking her off various medications. She was thinking they might be depressing her appetite. Since then, she has stopped losing weight.

But also, since getting off some of the pills, her mind has been much sharper. She has been telling us stories, and has a sharp memory for details from long ago. She also is able to express herself better. It's been a gift for us.

This doctor did not prescribe the pills; a previous doctor did. She says we need to focus on quality of life, not quantity at this point, and taking an extra pill to prevent some heart problem is not worth it if she is in a fog all day long.
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#2005987 - 04/02/15 08:56 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
#Just Jay Offline
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Cheeseheadland
Smart doctor.
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#2005988 - 04/02/15 09:04 PM Re: Caring for our parents MyBrainHurts
Happy Drugs Offline
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Happy Drugs
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Central Texas
Originally Posted By MyBrainHurts
My MIL, who will be 99 in a few weeks, hasn't been eating for many months. Her doctor, a very caring woman who visits the nursing home, has begun taking her off various medications. She was thinking they might be depressing her appetite. Since then, she has stopped losing weight.

But also, since getting off some of the pills, her mind has been much sharper. She has been telling us stories, and has a sharp memory for details from long ago. She also is able to express herself better. It's been a gift for us.

This doctor did not prescribe the pills; a previous doctor did. She says we need to focus on quality of life, not quantity at this point, and taking an extra pill to prevent some heart problem is not worth it if she is in a fog all day long.


I like this doctor! So many want to keep pushing in those pills!

She has led a full life, so let her enjoy this remaining time she has!
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#2005993 - 04/02/15 09:12 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Happy Drugs Offline
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Happy Drugs
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Central Texas
My mom called me late yesterday afternoon from the nursing home and asked me to come and get her. I asked how come and she said she had an upset that day. I asked what about, and she told me she had to talk to a psychiatrist. It through her off and she couldn't remember anything, not even the day of the week. I talked to her for awhile and told her that was understandable, that anytime something unexpected comes at you that you will get easily confused especially at 89 and already have early onset Dementia. I think she was feeling better after our talk, but I felt so sorry for her and just wanted to lay my head in my lap and cry for what my mother is now and what she use to be.

I had a lupus flair and inflamed muscle last month and didn't get to see her for awhile, my husband explained it all to her and she said if I was there I would tuck her into bed and bring her water! You don't know how much I would have loved that!
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#2008614 - 04/16/15 07:58 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
MyBrainHurts Offline
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Illinois
What a difference two weeks makes! At the end of last month, my MIL had suddenly seemed more alert, and was doing much better holding a conversation. In an instant, she's now worse than ever.

The last few days, every family member that visits her says how confused she is. She's sure she spent the weekend with her roommate's parents (her roommate just turned 95) and now she thinks she's been abandoned at her roommate's home. She told my BIL today that she was late for high school. She also falls asleep while you're talking to her.
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#2008619 - 04/16/15 08:07 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
edAudit Offline
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You are here
Has some one checked the side effects of her meds MBH?
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#2008629 - 04/16/15 08:22 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Happy Drugs Offline
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Happy Drugs
Joined: Feb 2007
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Central Texas
I just saw an article on MSN talking about some drugs can cause confusion in people! It might be worth to take a look and see!

I am learning with mama to not try and correct her on something she says that is wrong! It has been hard to do and hard to watch her confusion. I have discovered I can't make her remember these things no matter how hard I want her to.

I took my granddaughters to see her easter sunday and she told them their daddy had just been there!! I knew he hadn't, but then i discovered my brother had been and I guess for a moment she had them confused with his 2 girls!
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#2008642 - 04/16/15 08:50 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
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ed's right. Check your mom's meds, MBH.
My mom just had a scary two week bout that turned out to be caused by her BP meds. What had been the right dosage for her in the past, suddenly wasn't anymore. She was overmedicated, causing her BP to drop horribly low. Lack of the right amount of oxygenated blood caused her to have abdominal pains, which made her hesitant to eat or drink. Vicious cycle that finally my daughter, the geriatric nurse, helped Mom's dr to figure out. We should have paid more attention to her decreased appetite when it first started showing a few weeks ago. Now we know and will be much quicker if it happens again.

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#2008650 - 04/16/15 09:01 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Also - UTIs can mess with elderly people's minds. My aunt used to have major confusion when she had one.

My father has been in a nursing home for just over a week now for rehab. He had excessive fluid on his lungs (3rd time in 14 months) and after they got it off using medication he was too weak to do anything. He was evaluated yesterday and they think he will be there for 2 more weeks. I can start to hear him getting a little confused - or forgetting - at times. Both things dad never did before. He was 93 in November. At least they have given permission for him to join us to celebrate mom's 90th birthday (from February).
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