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#2066551 - 02/29/16 04:45 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
HRH Okie Banker Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
hmdagal - sending lots of prayers and good thoughts your way.

Skittles - Glad to hear your mom has a great day.
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#2066655 - 02/29/16 08:22 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
hmdagal Offline
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hmdagal
Joined: Dec 2002
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Just a quick update - mom's doctor prescribed an appetite stimulant, which is helping. I've obtained information on services available through the county, as well as some private pay providers for assistance with personal hygiene and housekeeping items.

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#2066690 - 02/29/16 10:00 PM Re: Caring for our parents hmdagal
Elwood P. Dowd Offline
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Joined: Aug 2001
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Next to Harvey
While I accepted part of the parent - child role reversal, I tried to remember that I didn't like it when my parents told me what to do, particularly when they were trying to protect me from risks that I understood and was willing to accept. I don't think parents are obligated to give up their independence so their children can worry less.

They worried about us. At some point, it's our turn to worry about them.

I think any home service that helps people retain their independence is a great idea. When a friend indicated she was contacting Hosparus about visiting her Mom in an independent living facility and helping her with hygiene and grooming, I said, "That's not what they do..." Then I got an education on the evolution from Hospice to Hosparus. I was wrong, they do supply close support for people who just need some TLC and who are not at death's door. It's worth a call.
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#2070029 - 03/18/16 07:54 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Online
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TN
Tomorrow would have been my parent's anniversary. Last year mom forgot so I was hoping she wouldn't remember this time. Not so lucky. Monday she reminded me what tomorrow would have been - and got all weepy - again.
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#2070606 - 03/23/16 08:32 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
basilring Offline
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 305
Spartan Country!
My father-in-law passed away last Friday from Alzheimers. The last week of his life was such a rapid decline. But, he got his wish to die at home. We worked hard to care for him, to allow that to happen. It was so worth it though. The night before he died my MIL said "I've never lived alone". She moved from her fathers house at 18 and into her husbands house. She's been doing ok though, considering. Although the first night, she did rearrange the furniture in the living room at midnight.

I am giving the eulogy tomorrow. At first, I thought I can't write a eulogy... what would I say? But I gave it a day or so and then the words came.. I now have 3 pages about this amazing man... and I could have said so much more. Now, if I can just get through it tomorrow without losing it.
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#2070615 - 03/23/16 08:51 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Online
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TN
I'm so sorry for your loss, basilring.
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#2070664 - 03/24/16 01:32 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
DD Regs Offline
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DD Regs
Joined: Nov 2008
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Somewhere in the middle
Originally Posted By DD Regs
Ureter tubes.

Prayers.

My dad is going in for testing Feb 2nd for the same possible issue.


I moved this conversation from "Prayers for Ex" to this thread.

I thought I would follow up with what going on with my dad.

Turns out he has Prostate cancer. He was scored a 9 out of 10 for degree of cancer, it is a fast growing cancer. The Dr gives him an 86% success rate for treatment, since they believe they have caught it early. They have not found it anywhere else in his body. They have started the Hormone treatments (estrogen shots) Dr said he will become emotional and irritable, and go through hot flashes, but won't grow b oobs laugh

So far after the first two treatments, his PSA number have fallen from 17 to 1.9 which is good.

Thank you for your prayers.
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#2070665 - 03/24/16 01:37 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
MyBrainHurts Offline
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 960
Illinois
Prayers for your dad, DD, and for you basilring, too. I think I would have a hard time with a eulogy for someone close to me. And prayers for your MIL. A big adjustment for her.
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#2070729 - 03/24/16 03:28 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
waldensouth Offline
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FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
Prayers for your Dad, DD. Sorry for your loss, Basilring. May you have the strength you need for this day..
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#2070811 - 03/24/16 06:01 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
#ONENANA Offline
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Texas Girl
You were lucky to have been in each others lives basilring thoughts and prayers on this difficult day are being sent your way. Prayers are being sent to you too DD. I hope you can keep up the sense of humor during these trying times.
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#2071125 - 03/28/16 12:43 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
basilring Offline
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 305
Spartan Country!
DD... prayers for your dad! Glad he is seeing success already.

And thank you to all for your responses. I made it through the eulogy with tears in my eyes and choked up twice, but was able to take a deep breath and keep going.
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#2071129 - 03/28/16 12:49 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
RR Joker Offline
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The Swamp
I'm so sorry for your loss, Basilring...and prayers for your Dad, DD.
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#2071156 - 03/28/16 02:41 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
hmdagal Offline
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So sorry for your loss, basilring.

DD, prayers for continued improvement for your dad.

I've been busy transitioning my mom into an assisted living facility frown It's no longer safe for her to live on her own and neither her older sister nor I are able to take care of her.

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#2072255 - 04/04/16 04:12 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
fungrandma Offline
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Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 5
We put my mom in the nursing home last Sept. She has early Alzheimer's, but my dad just couldn't take care of her anymore.
Has been hard on both of them. My brother moved back to our home town, so he helps out a lot and has POA. I'm thankful he is there and has been willing to take on the responsibilities.
We went home this past weekend, hadn't seen my mom since November. I couldn't believe how bad she looked. The perm is gone from her hair. It wasn't combed and looked like it hadn't been washed in a week. I'm sure it hasn't been that long, but was very shocking to see her that way. Especially since they knew we were taking her home for a few hours.
She is in her 4th room since she has been there. My dad told them not to move her again, because she will never be happy with her roommate.
My dad has done pretty good on his own. He does get lonely, but has been better for his health that he doesn't have the responsibility for mom's health.
Hard to see your parents get old. Especially when their health declines.

I appreciate this site as it is a place you can get ideas/help or just vent.

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#2072281 - 04/04/16 05:37 PM Re: Caring for our parents fungrandma
OldeTymeBanker Offline
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I understand for sure the shock of seeing your mother appearing unkempt when that is probably very out of the norm for her. I went through the same last year. If there was one thing my mother remained persnickety about, no matter how bad her dementia got, it was her hair. When she did not care at all and never even looked into a mirror any longer I knew that we were reaching the end of this journey. I so wished I had been closer and could have somehow arranged for some of this, but in reality she most likely would not have stood for anyone to touch her for any length of time at that point. Most of the facilities we had access to were nothing like the one seen in The Notebook. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
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#2073107 - 04/08/16 05:51 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
HRH Okie Banker Offline
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Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
When your momma stops taking her depression medication because she ran out of pills and the bottle says "Dr must okay refills" but her next apt isn't until May. So she just stopped taking them and didn't tell anyone. I think this starts the downhill battle and she is going to fight every step of the way. I hate that I am two hours away.
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#2073146 - 04/08/16 07:06 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
RR Joker Offline
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The Swamp
uh oh!
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#2073495 - 04/11/16 09:23 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
GenerousLife Offline
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,466
USA
HRH Okie Banker, I know your struggle. Keeping you in my prayers, as I know you do for of me.

fungrandma, my experience has been that there may be a hairdresser on site and you can make arrangements to have your mother's hair done. Some will do nails and toenails too. Foot health is so important. It took me a few years of caring for my mother to realize that. As she got older and less flexible, she could no longer "reach" her toes. I've got her on weekly hair appointments and monthly mani-pedis. As to the frequent room changes, I'm surprised the home will do that, as it is so hard on them to experience change. There seems to be a rapid decline in their mental state at first, but then as they become more accustomed to the routine, they start to improve.

Peaceful thoughts to all who are caring for loves ones, whether as primary caregivers or observers. It is not easy, but having a place where you can let off steam or ask advice is very helpful.
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#2101346 - 10/01/16 01:20 AM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
E.E.G.B Offline
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the sandy shore
After so many years, when the end came, it seemed so fast. My MIL died in April and my FIL died today. My husband has had a tough year.

I will say, staying in their own home turned out to be the better solution for them - I wouldn't have thought so at the beginning, but it was better for them. Esp for my FIL, who had dementia / loss of short term memory - being in the home where he'd lived for 40 years made his life more comfortable. They were fortunate enough to be able to do that; I know it's not a choice everyone can make.
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#2101370 - 10/01/16 10:24 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
waldensouth Offline
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FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
So sorry for your family's losses this year EEGB. It is a blessing that they were able to remain in their home. I'm sure that made it so much easier for them to be in familiar surroundings.
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#2101380 - 10/03/16 12:16 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Online
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TN
I'm so sorry for your losses. Staying in their home is best for them - as long as it's safe and feasible. {{HUGS}}
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#2101455 - 10/03/16 06:07 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
ecrew,CRCM Offline
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Fl
Sorry for your loses this past year. Prayers are being sent to help your husband and family during these times.
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#2101480 - 10/03/16 07:32 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Sunshine Lady Offline
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Posts: 688
Prayer for you and your family. My FIL and MIL are still living and in their late 80's. They want to stay in their house as long as they can and I wholeheartedly agree. My husband is an only child, but we will both do what it takes for that to happen.
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#2101633 - 10/04/16 04:45 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
E.E.G.B Offline
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the sandy shore
Thanks, y'all, I know Mr EEGB appreciates it.
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I disbelieved what he was saying so hard, I probably created an alternate universe where it wasn't true.

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#2102277 - 10/07/16 02:40 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Online
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TN
While this isn't really a 'caring for my parent' issue - finally 10 1/2 months after my father's death his plaque from the VA has been placed. Mom is relieved it's finally there.
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