TJ - my parents divorced when I was 10, 4 kids, lived with my dad (in the mid-70s this was almost unheard of, everyone just lived with mom when divorced)...I have never heard my dad utter one negative word about my mom since that point...mom, on the other hand, did nothing but speak negative and make fun of him when we were around (infrequently that we saw her), that is very uncomfortable for a kid to hear. As an adult, I look back on that and think how hard that must have been for my dad, but I hold him in much higher esteem than my mom.

You should be commended for doing the right thing, and you are correct, at some point it will click with your kids, and whether they mention it to you or not, they will have greater respect for you.

My son wasn't married but had a similar situation with my granddaughter's mother (and other grandmother). They constantly trashed us to my granddaughter starting at a very young age. It was shared custody so when my granddaughter was at our house we heard all the things they were saying about us. The hardest and right thing to do was - we kept our mouths shut. Never shot back about druggie mom or welfare cheat grandmom or how they were verbally and physically abusive to each other. When she got older my granddaughter elected to live with us - would only go over their house once in a while to see her half siblings. She got tired of seeing her mom do nothing but sit around and do drugs - not to mention the loser boyfriends that she had around her. Her mother died of a drug overdose at the ripe old age of 29 - the day after Thanksgiving (3 years this year). My granddaughter goes over more now to see her siblings than she did when her mother was alive - she tried to avoid her mother. My son doesn't let her sleep over the grandmother's house - grandmom is still a nutjob and don't trust her with my granddaughter's wellbeing.

Onenna, I pray everything works out for you. Stay strong and tell your children that the situation is between you and their father and does not concern them and frankly you are a little disappointed in their loyalty being that dad left you - not the other way around!

ditto this.
Then take the high road and don't discuss it with them anymore.
Even as adults, they shouldn't be put in the position of choosing sides.

Ditto madukes and Truff. Both my husband's parents continue to try to put him in the middle of their dispute. We've had to tell both we will not discuss the matter any further. It's too painful for a child to have to choose a side not to mention it's not fair to the other parent.

Good luck onenana! I hope you're doing well. Continued hugs and prayers.

#ONENANA, prayers for you, and some unconventional advice...remain objective regarding how the two of you arrived at this point...everyone has a back story, him included. My wife and I are currently counseling some friends (primarily the wife), and through the process, she is realizing that there were ways in which she was unconsciously pushing her husband away (putting animals, kids, etc. in front of his needs, not that he was not also ignoring her needs). Point being (don't know if it even applies to you, this advice is more general in nature), the world tells everyone these days to watch out for number one...so, if we all do this, then doesn't that mean we are constantly putting our needs over others, and, if so, how are they supposed to feel. A truly committed relationship requires self-sacrifice, and that commodity is in extremely short supply these days. A society in which the needs of the one constantly outweigh the needs of any others will unravel over time, which is precisely what we are seeing today in America on multiple fronts. So, while he may have made the first and most egregious step in leaving, don't automatically assume that you have to go into defensive mode...keep the door open and perhaps you will find that there are paths that will lead you back to each other...this from a man who is blessed with a marital relationship that requires us to be self-sacrificial as a reflection of the sacrifice that our mutual Savior made for each of us.

Well put, Sam It took me a long time and some heartache to learn that, but thankfully we're still together after nearly 37 years.

I agree, in marriage you sacrifice for each other and put one another's needs ahead of your own; however, in divorce you need to watch out for yourself since your soon to be ex has made his intentions to watch out for himself and put himself first pretty clear.

I'm not sure if it has been mentioned before, but you should reach out to someone - a professional counselor - to talk about your personal feelings. It will help.

That is truly a great accomplishment mbh. My parents just celebrated 58 years. Thanks again to all for the support and kind words.

It has been 38 years since my husband walked out on me and our 2 year old son. I thought my world had ended, lost 40 pounds (which I needed to), and it hurt that it was for someone else, who I must say was not near as gorgeous as i was.

Somehow, someway we got through it, I found a stronger me, certainly happier, got the house we were building at the time.

I got to a point where I even felt sorry for him. The last 34 years has taught me that what I went through brought me to this point today, I found my husband. He adopted my son and we had one together.

Since your kids are grown, start taking dance lessons, pick up a hobby and go to some classes, find some female and male friends to go out with to eat or the movies. Your life may be in turmoil right now, but Baby it isn't over by a long shot.

Love is better the second time around!

Spent the weekend with my mother-in-law. I have to say just a few short months since the divorce was filed and finalized, she looked and felt great. Of course, she has some sadness and a lot of anger but she's really turning the corner and looking forward to her new life. She's enjoying being on her own and spending time with her friends and family. It was nice to see her settling in.

Hope you too will find some peace and joy in your new life onenana!!

Thanks everyone!! I got served my divorce papers yesterday here at work. I made sure to let the girls I work with what was going on so it wouldn't be embarrassing. I was afraid I would lose it because I knew they were coming but I held on and kept the tears in check. It seems easier every day not to cry. I will be seeing my lawyer tomorrow and see where we go from here. I'm just hoping it doesn't get ugly. On a lighter note, I have a unique last name and a customer commented " That is an unusual last name you have." before I even thought about it I replied " Not for long."

That was pretty shabby of him to have you served at work. DB.

Well I'm working two jobs now so unless they came to my house at 9:30 pm there really wasn't any other time I could get them. He said I could go pick them up but his lawyer is around an hour away. I spent the weekend with my parents. They flew in from Florida to give me some much needed family support. We had a wonderful weekend but it was hard saying goodbye this morning. I'm just getting antsy for the next step.