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#2066551 - 02/29/16 04:45 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
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hmdagal - sending lots of prayers and good thoughts your way.
Skittles - Glad to hear your mom has a great day.
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Just working here until I get my letter from Hogwarts.
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#2066690 - 02/29/16 10:00 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
hmdagal
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10K Club
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 21,939
Next to Harvey
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While I accepted part of the parent - child role reversal, I tried to remember that I didn't like it when my parents told me what to do, particularly when they were trying to protect me from risks that I understood and was willing to accept. I don't think parents are obligated to give up their independence so their children can worry less.
They worried about us. At some point, it's our turn to worry about them.
I think any home service that helps people retain their independence is a great idea. When a friend indicated she was contacting Hosparus about visiting her Mom in an independent living facility and helping her with hygiene and grooming, I said, "That's not what they do..." Then I got an education on the evolution from Hospice to Hosparus. I was wrong, they do supply close support for people who just need some TLC and who are not at death's door. It's worth a call.
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#2070029 - 03/18/16 07:54 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,965
TN
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Tomorrow would have been my parent's anniversary. Last year mom forgot so I was hoping she wouldn't remember this time. Not so lucky. Monday she reminded me what tomorrow would have been - and got all weepy - again.
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#2070606 - 03/23/16 08:32 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Gold Star
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 305
Spartan Country!
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My father-in-law passed away last Friday from Alzheimers. The last week of his life was such a rapid decline. But, he got his wish to die at home. We worked hard to care for him, to allow that to happen. It was so worth it though. The night before he died my MIL said "I've never lived alone". She moved from her fathers house at 18 and into her husbands house. She's been doing ok though, considering. Although the first night, she did rearrange the furniture in the living room at midnight.
I am giving the eulogy tomorrow. At first, I thought I can't write a eulogy... what would I say? But I gave it a day or so and then the words came.. I now have 3 pages about this amazing man... and I could have said so much more. Now, if I can just get through it tomorrow without losing it.
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#2070615 - 03/23/16 08:51 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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TN
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I'm so sorry for your loss, basilring.
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#2070664 - 03/24/16 01:32 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,132
Somewhere in the middle
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Ureter tubes.
Prayers.
My dad is going in for testing Feb 2nd for the same possible issue. I moved this conversation from "Prayers for Ex" to this thread. I thought I would follow up with what going on with my dad. Turns out he has Prostate cancer. He was scored a 9 out of 10 for degree of cancer, it is a fast growing cancer. The Dr gives him an 86% success rate for treatment, since they believe they have caught it early. They have not found it anywhere else in his body. They have started the Hormone treatments (estrogen shots) Dr said he will become emotional and irritable, and go through hot flashes, but won't grow b oobs So far after the first two treatments, his PSA number have fallen from 17 to 1.9 which is good. Thank you for your prayers.
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#2070665 - 03/24/16 01:37 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 960
Illinois
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Prayers for your dad, DD, and for you basilring, too. I think I would have a hard time with a eulogy for someone close to me. And prayers for your MIL. A big adjustment for her.
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#2070729 - 03/24/16 03:28 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,988
FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
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Prayers for your Dad, DD. Sorry for your loss, Basilring. May you have the strength you need for this day..
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#2070811 - 03/24/16 06:01 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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New Poster
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 12
Texas Girl
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You were lucky to have been in each others lives basilring thoughts and prayers on this difficult day are being sent your way. Prayers are being sent to you too DD. I hope you can keep up the sense of humor during these trying times.
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The longer you look back the shorter your time to look forward
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#2071125 - 03/28/16 12:43 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Gold Star
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 305
Spartan Country!
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DD... prayers for your dad! Glad he is seeing success already.
And thank you to all for your responses. I made it through the eulogy with tears in my eyes and choked up twice, but was able to take a deep breath and keep going.
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Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will head for the beach!
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#2071129 - 03/28/16 12:49 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Joined: Nov 2002
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The Swamp
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Basilring...and prayers for your Dad, DD.
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My opinion only. Not legal advice. Say you'll haunt me - Stone Sour
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#2071156 - 03/28/16 02:41 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,842
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So sorry for your loss, basilring. DD, prayers for continued improvement for your dad. I've been busy transitioning my mom into an assisted living facility It's no longer safe for her to live on her own and neither her older sister nor I are able to take care of her.
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#2072255 - 04/04/16 04:12 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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New Poster
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 5
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We put my mom in the nursing home last Sept. She has early Alzheimer's, but my dad just couldn't take care of her anymore. Has been hard on both of them. My brother moved back to our home town, so he helps out a lot and has POA. I'm thankful he is there and has been willing to take on the responsibilities. We went home this past weekend, hadn't seen my mom since November. I couldn't believe how bad she looked. The perm is gone from her hair. It wasn't combed and looked like it hadn't been washed in a week. I'm sure it hasn't been that long, but was very shocking to see her that way. Especially since they knew we were taking her home for a few hours. She is in her 4th room since she has been there. My dad told them not to move her again, because she will never be happy with her roommate. My dad has done pretty good on his own. He does get lonely, but has been better for his health that he doesn't have the responsibility for mom's health. Hard to see your parents get old. Especially when their health declines.
I appreciate this site as it is a place you can get ideas/help or just vent.
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#2072281 - 04/04/16 05:37 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
fungrandma
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Member
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 55
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I understand for sure the shock of seeing your mother appearing unkempt when that is probably very out of the norm for her. I went through the same last year. If there was one thing my mother remained persnickety about, no matter how bad her dementia got, it was her hair. When she did not care at all and never even looked into a mirror any longer I knew that we were reaching the end of this journey. I so wished I had been closer and could have somehow arranged for some of this, but in reality she most likely would not have stood for anyone to touch her for any length of time at that point. Most of the facilities we had access to were nothing like the one seen in The Notebook. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
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#2073107 - 04/08/16 05:51 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
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When your momma stops taking her depression medication because she ran out of pills and the bottle says "Dr must okay refills" but her next apt isn't until May. So she just stopped taking them and didn't tell anyone. I think this starts the downhill battle and she is going to fight every step of the way. I hate that I am two hours away.
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#2073146 - 04/08/16 07:06 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 20,656
The Swamp
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uh oh!
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My opinion only. Not legal advice. Say you'll haunt me - Stone Sour
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#2073495 - 04/11/16 09:23 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,466
USA
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HRH Okie Banker, I know your struggle. Keeping you in my prayers, as I know you do for of me.
fungrandma, my experience has been that there may be a hairdresser on site and you can make arrangements to have your mother's hair done. Some will do nails and toenails too. Foot health is so important. It took me a few years of caring for my mother to realize that. As she got older and less flexible, she could no longer "reach" her toes. I've got her on weekly hair appointments and monthly mani-pedis. As to the frequent room changes, I'm surprised the home will do that, as it is so hard on them to experience change. There seems to be a rapid decline in their mental state at first, but then as they become more accustomed to the routine, they start to improve.
Peaceful thoughts to all who are caring for loves ones, whether as primary caregivers or observers. It is not easy, but having a place where you can let off steam or ask advice is very helpful.
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#2101346 - 10/01/16 01:20 AM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 6,726
the sandy shore
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After so many years, when the end came, it seemed so fast. My MIL died in April and my FIL died today. My husband has had a tough year.
I will say, staying in their own home turned out to be the better solution for them - I wouldn't have thought so at the beginning, but it was better for them. Esp for my FIL, who had dementia / loss of short term memory - being in the home where he'd lived for 40 years made his life more comfortable. They were fortunate enough to be able to do that; I know it's not a choice everyone can make.
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#2101370 - 10/01/16 10:24 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,988
FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
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So sorry for your family's losses this year EEGB. It is a blessing that they were able to remain in their home. I'm sure that made it so much easier for them to be in familiar surroundings.
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"Once you learn to read, you will be forever free." - Frederick Douglass
My Opinion Only.
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#2101380 - 10/03/16 12:16 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
Joined: Sep 2002
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TN
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I'm so sorry for your losses. Staying in their home is best for them - as long as it's safe and feasible. {{HUGS}}
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#2101455 - 10/03/16 06:07 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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100 Club
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 204
Fl
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Sorry for your loses this past year. Prayers are being sent to help your husband and family during these times.
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Nevermind tomorrow, TODAY is the day. -unknown
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#2101480 - 10/03/16 07:32 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 696
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Prayer for you and your family. My FIL and MIL are still living and in their late 80's. They want to stay in their house as long as they can and I wholeheartedly agree. My husband is an only child, but we will both do what it takes for that to happen.
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#2101633 - 10/04/16 04:45 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 6,726
the sandy shore
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Thanks, y'all, I know Mr EEGB appreciates it.
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I disbelieved what he was saying so hard, I probably created an alternate universe where it wasn't true.
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#2102277 - 10/07/16 02:40 PM
Re: Caring for our parents
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
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TN
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While this isn't really a 'caring for my parent' issue - finally 10 1/2 months after my father's death his plaque from the VA has been placed. Mom is relieved it's finally there.
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