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#2121749 - 03/13/17 07:09 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
TINKerBell Offline
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TINKerBell
Joined: Nov 2006
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Tiger's Den!
So very sorry for your loss Skittles. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Prayers for all...
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#2121779 - 03/13/17 08:12 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
hmdagal Offline
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hmdagal
Joined: Dec 2002
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Skittles. You've been through a rough time lately.

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#2121782 - 03/13/17 08:15 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
waldensouth Offline
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FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
I am so sorry for your loss, Skittles . ((((HUGS))))
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#2122034 - 03/15/17 02:51 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
HRH Okie Banker Offline
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Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
Oh Skittles, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way during these difficult times.
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#2122056 - 03/15/17 03:37 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
QCL Offline

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QCL
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NW IL
So sorry for your loss Skittles.
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#2122168 - 03/15/17 08:27 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Justin Case Offline
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Justin Case
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 970
first lily pad on the right
Skittles, I'm very sorry for your loss.
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#2122493 - 03/17/17 06:38 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Skittles
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TN
Thank you all - and thanks to Cracked Egg.

With the help of Hosparus and my sister and younger brother she was able to pass at home - in her sleep - exactly what she wanted. She had the opportunity to go out with the majority of her family for her 92nd birthday in late February. She is no longer in pain and is with dad now.
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#2122626 - 03/20/17 02:59 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
E.E.G.B Offline
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the sandy shore
((( Skittles )))
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#2122633 - 03/20/17 03:11 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Truffle Royale Offline

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Skittles, so sorry for all you've lost recently. Prayers and ((hugs))

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#2122640 - 03/20/17 03:20 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
basilring Offline
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Spartan Country!
Skittles,

So sorry for your loss, but glad your mom isn't suffering anymore. She will always be with you.
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#2122657 - 03/20/17 03:47 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Thanks - and you're right; however losing both parents in less than 16 months has bee very hard. I was able to spend about 4 hours with her the day before she passed and she knew who I was - and was coherent about 50% of the time. The original thought was that she would be with us for about 2 more weeks, but it turned out to be less than 24 hours. Yesterday would have been their wedding anniversary.
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#2122680 - 03/20/17 05:00 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
CompliantOkie Offline
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CompliantOkie
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 420
OOOOOOklahoma
That is so heartbreaking to hear Skittles. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for your comfort and strength during this hard time.

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#2122695 - 03/20/17 05:38 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
doodles Offline
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doodles
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 493
PA
So glad you were able to get there and be with her though. As hard as it is to be there when they take their last breath (have done with my parents and in-laws, I would have felt bad to not be there. Continued thoughts and prayers as you deal with your loss and hoping that your memories can bring a smile now and then (and there will be tears as well as smells and different things remind you of her and your dad. ((hugs))

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#2131256 - 05/19/17 09:46 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Daisy Doodle Offline
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Southern U.S.
We've been through the ringer with my folks over the last few months and it's not done yet. My Dad passed in December and we had to move Mom to memory care. At the time we moved her, she was quite forgetful, but she still could carry on a semi-normal conversation. In the 5 months she's been in memory care, her cognition is on the rapid decline. We all feel horrible about it, not sure if it would have happened anyway or if being in the facility sped things along.

I live about 2 hours away from her and I've been visiting every other Sunday and calling every night. Last night she told me she was in a hostage situation (she's funny sometimes and always has a story when I call). The poor PA (personal assistant) was in her room about 8 p.m. trying to get Mom to put her PJ's on. My Mom hates being on a schedule like this..and I feel bad for her. But we understand the facility has 21 memory impaired seniors and getting them to bed is something they start pretty much right after dinner. My brother tried keeping her at his home, but Mom is incontinent at times and that is a big mess on a fairly regular basis and the camel/straw was when she fell in her room and decided she didn't want to wake anyone so she laid on the floor all night. My brother ran for the hills and I do not blame him.

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#2131263 - 05/20/17 12:20 AM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Rocky P Offline
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Florida
DD, although you feel bad, it's probably the safest place for her. My dad had no memory issues, but sometimes got involved in something else. We had to get rid of our toaster oven for fear he would put some bread in there, then walk off and leave it. Inlaws one would take double meds, other forget to take any.

It's not the same love they would get at home, but the care is probably similar.
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#2131269 - 05/22/17 12:14 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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TN
Daisy - I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through something similar, although neither one of my parents was in memory care. You are doing the right thing. This is the best and safest place for her. I know my mom appreciated my daily phone calls since I was 4 hours away.

{{HUGS}}
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#2131301 - 05/22/17 02:54 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
JSD Offline
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JSD
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 512
USA
When my folks left their long term primary residence for a very nice retirement place (that they had elected 10 years earlier and paid their money down), my father had dementia, but none of us realized how far along it was until he was left the home. The years of routine helped him daily. When the postman came he knew it was time for lunch. When certain shows came on it was time for whatever, but the doctor explain he was not any worse - it was just all he used to help him was gone in the new place. No one can take care of someone 24 hours - being in a facility that has staff to provide care for your loved one is the safer choice. Unlikely the facility caused it to move along, it is just that time of life and it is so hard for the loved ones that are trying to deal with this situation. We elected to have my father go to adult day care center. It kept him active and improved the quality of his life so much. Otherwise they are in a chair slumped over snoozing & drooling. Hated to see my father there the first day, but in no time we all noticed the difference - he was much more alert and active. Weekends were hard because he wanted to be at the day care, but it was just M-F service. My heart goes out to all dealing with elderly parents. Only thing worse is if you have teenagers at the same time!!!

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#2131311 - 05/22/17 03:36 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Sunshine Lady Offline
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Joined: Apr 2014
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This tread gives me comfort. After my MIL passed in January, we put my FIL in a care facility. He moved from a large house to sharing a room with another person, so he has had quite an adjustment, but he needs 24/7 care that neither myself or his only child my husband can give. Sometimes, he still gives us the "blues" and I have had to step away because I am also have my father in the same nursing home and my husband has a chronic illness, so I have to take care of my sanity. Dealing with elderly parents and in laws requires a lot of patience and understanding. Wish everyone the best.
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#2158211 - 12/22/17 03:14 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
HRH Okie Banker Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
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Oklahoma
I need to get safety equipment installed at my mother's bathtub. Has anyone done this before? The bar(s) for getting in and out of the tub plus the bar on the wall for helping in getting up and down in the tub. Any help/comments would be appreciated.
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#2158219 - 12/22/17 03:35 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Skittles Offline
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Joined: Sep 2002
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TN
We got a transfer chair for my parents that fits over the tub. They sit on it and slide across into the tub - no need to stand. Worked really well.
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#2158224 - 12/22/17 03:48 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
Truffle Royale Offline

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If you or someone you know is a do-it-yourselfer, they have all these things at places like Lowe's. There's plenty of advice online about the best heights and angles to install them at.

You might also see if you could hire a handiman who has done this. Then you could purchase the things you need and have the handiman install it.

As a resource, I suggest you try the any Home Health type facility your insurance or your mom's may have. You might also reach out to the county Senior Care for references on who does this type of installation.

I don't know if you know about nextdoor.com which is a website that is for neighborhoods. The one for my neighborhood is a fabulous place to ask for referrals and references. Mine has been a life saver a couple times for us. If there's one for your neighborhood or your mom's, I suggest you join it. Then when Mom needs help, etc., you can ask for it there too. I've found that lots of neighbors would love to help but they often don't even know a need exists.

Good luck, Okie.

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#2158238 - 12/22/17 04:57 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
HRH Okie Banker Offline
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Posts: 3,070
Oklahoma
All good info. Thank you! I will check into "nextdoor.com" right now.
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#2158266 - 12/22/17 05:55 PM Re: Caring for our parents Truffle Royale
TB 12 Offline
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TB 12
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Foxboro
We had hired a company that cut a section out of the side of my father in law's tub to minimize the step over as balance was a problem for him. As others mentioned, we installed several grab bars for additional support.
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