The Spring Council retreat will be hell May 10 & 11.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.

Thursday night’s Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Slogan last Sunday: “I upped my Pledge- Now Up Yours!”

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “what is Hell?” come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Irving Belstson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of the members in honor of his wife.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.

Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the first Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Our church has been growing rather rapidly lately, and contributing to that has been a large number of births. In fact there have been several couples that had trouble getting pregnant until they started coming to our church and had the pastor pray over them. So something of a saying around our church is...

"If you want to get pregnant, go see pastor Mike!"

I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face. Thanks! That is a riot.

I heard an evangelist tell the following two stories and claimed they were true:

1. At a small rural church the handle on the comode in the men's room was getting stuck sometimes after flushing. The evangelist was their pastor at the time and before starting his sermon, without thinking about what he was saying told the men in the congregation to shake that little thing everytime they used the men's room. He said the entire audience broke out it histerical laughter and had to cancel the remainder of the service.

2. While visiting a very large church in Houston, the pastor who had the same routine for every service which was to announce the scripture location as he put his reading glasses on. Since the church was on television the pastor kept things rolling rather quickly. This one Sunday he announced to the church to please turn to First Glasses 3:15 as I put on my peter. The evangelist who was visiting perked up looked quickly around the room and noticed only a few people in the crowd heard the blooper as the pastor went right into his spiel never missing a beat.

Oh my, I was laughing so much I started to cough and everyone thought I was choking. Thanks!!!!!

My friend was attending an out of town service at a Mormon church and the bishop was introducing a piano solo by a Sister Peabody. Apparently he was well known for his spoonerisms, but the congregation lost it when he announced that "Sister Playbody will now pee for us."

This whole thread and all the posts is a HOOT!

My husband told me that this happened several years ago in our church. The pastor was preaching about women wearing excessive make up, wigs, etc. He said "Nowadays women have more hair in their drawers than on their head... uh, I mean their dresser drawers." Needless to say that one got everyone's attention.

I first saw this one in Readers Digest a few years back. It's probably urban legend, but it's amusing all the same:

A pastor used a standard liturgy for funerals. To personalize each service, he enters a "find and replace" command into his word processor. The computer then finds the name of the deceased from the previous funeral and replaces it with the name of the deceased for the upcoming
funeral.

Not long ago, the pastor told the computer to find the name "Mary" and replace it with "Edna." The next morning, the funeral was going smoothly until the congregation intoned the Apostles’ Creed. "Jesus Christ," they read from the preprinted program, "born of the Virgin Edna."

A friend of mine shared a true story of a pastor preparing for a wedding and wearing his wireless mic into the men's room just before the ceremony. Needless to say, the entire congregation heard the "goings on" and - as he straightened his robe, no doubt - heard him say "It's show time!" just before entering the sanctuary.