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#284151 - 12/03/04 10:46 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
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I tip for all the couples out there. Spend time together! I think that to oftern we are all so busy with life that we forget to give each other a kiss good bye or a hug each night before we go to sleep. If the only time you are being touched is because there is an expectation for something more it can be a real turn off. Start off slow with some actual kissing and hugging with no expectations and I guaranty that things will start to heat up. You gotta make an effort and some points in your life. You don't need a big romantic get away and a whole evening planned out...just the little stuff everyday can go a long way 
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#284152 - 12/03/04 10:55 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,289
dreaming of a warm beach......
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I think every relationship goes through various sexual cycles. I have been married 23 years. Married at age 17. We had sex more often than rabbits in the beginning. We had 3 kids, bam, bam, bam. Our relationship seems to be healthy but there have been times where we didn't have sex for up to a month. While raising kids, running a home, working full-time, blah, blah, blah, it is hard to find the time or the energy to have sex. It moves way down on the priority table.
At age 36 I had a hysterectomy. That kills the sex drive even though I still have my ovaries. Through reading and discovery we have recaptured my sex drive and our sex life.
The kids are grown and we have took the time to find similar interests. We go out every Friday night for dinner and drinks. We try to get away for a fun weekend every couple of months, stay at a motel, and have lots of sex. Then we may go a couple of weeks with no sex.
Finding what works for your relationship becomes the discovery. I don't care to have sex every night. (I think he would still like it that often-do men ever outgrow that?) We try to make time to be together as a couple.
I have also worked with mostly women most of my adult life. I have heard a few talk about how they don't care for sex, it makes them feel dirty, they don't like the feel of it, etc. To me, they have issues and need help.
If sex is a big issue in your relationship you need to discuss it with your partner. It may be one of the most difficult discussions you may ever have but you need to be honest. Believe me, I have been there!
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#284154 - 12/04/04 12:39 AM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Hey Jokerman, at least I have the ***** not to post anonymously! 
Hey, perhaps you found "bam's" that ran off after he tried the Tazer on himself!!! For those of you that missed the post: FUNNY!
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#284155 - 12/05/04 01:47 AM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Same problem with the anon who had fertility problems. We struggled for 5 years to have a child. Sex became a necessary and timed occasion, lost all desire because of the dissapointment. Finally got pregnant and had a wonderful child. I promised God that if he/she let me have 1 healthy child I would never try fertility treatments again, only try naturally. Frankly, I couldn't see my self going thru all that medication and dissapointment again. Somehow after all the mechanics of trying, sex was a major turn off. I love my husband but the failure being able to conceive was a turn off, it just meant more heartbreak, the infertility was my fault. Now like others we basically live like room mates. I'm glad for this post since I thought we were the only ones like this. And like others, I'm tired in the morning and at night, working, cooking, cleaning etc. I also had a dad to care for 12 years. Every working women needs a "wife". My husband thinks he really helps, but in fact he doesn't. His job is far less stressful imho. He doesn't need to be at work at a certain time so usually he's still in bed while I'm getting the kid off to school and it's been like that since my child was born. I was always the one to get him to child care or school. Thanks for letting me vent.
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#284157 - 12/07/04 11:09 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Heck, I could clean the house, top to bottom, and bring home 12 dozen roses with an Al Green soundtrack playing in the background and I'd still have to beg for it and when I got it, it would be lousy. She just does not want it under any circumstances. However, occasionally, when she has a couple of drinks she gets in the mood. But it never happens when she has a couple of drinks while we are in a place where we could actually do something about it. So, I think she lets her guard down and allows herself to get worked up when she is relaxed by alcohol and by the fact that there is no possible way we could act on her feelings.
I can relate to this story - only on the other side of it. I am the same way with my husband. I just do not want to have relations with him (or anyone for that matter). It's like the spark is gone. I have talked to my OB/Gyn about this and she tested my hormones and everything was fine. It has to be physchological. We have three children ages 12, 8 & 4 and are extremely involved. I work 9 hours a day and drive 1/2 hour to and from work. I leave the house @ 7:00 and get home @ 6:00 every day. Work is stressful - I'm the problem-solver the go-to-person. When I get home, it's fix dinner, clean house, do laundry, help with homework, get movies or entertainment going for the 4-year old. Kiss scraped knees, break up sibling fights, give baths, get kids to bed by 9:00. I have nothing left to give. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me and by the time everyone is taken care of (except my husband) I just can't give anymore. When we do get away (maybe twice a year, we do have fun - but even that is beginning to dwindle. I'm truly frightened but don't know what to do about it. My husband is not romantic at all. His idea of romance is foreplay. There is absolutely no touching with him unless it ends in sex. HELP!
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#284158 - 12/08/04 06:48 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 660
KY
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i'll post under my "name" but if any one ever tells my husband, you'll get it!  in our house it's the opposite, i have always been more "driven" shall we say. my husband is far more content with once every two weeks or so. and while i don't mind, it justs makes me worry that it's not normal for him, that he really wants it more but not from me and all kinds of other irrational thoughts that bog down my brain so that when he is in the mood i'm so "freaked out" that i'm not. i am his "first" and so i guess i wonder if he wonders about what else is out there. But i know that he loves me and for the record i also know that i'm crazy!
_________________________
Practice, practice makes perfect,
Perfect is a fault, and in fault lines change
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#284159 - 12/08/04 07:13 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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I am a woman in my mid 30's. I have too felt little to no desire since the kids came. I am a firm believer that for men (I realize I'm generalizing, forgive me)sex is physical need for them. My husband and I can get in a spat in the morning, go all day without talking and when we crawl in bed, he is ready to go. For a woman, I think it involves a lot more than the physical need. I will admit that if I come home from work and my husband has taken the time to start dinner or help with the kids homework.....does a little kissy face with me by the stove, I am in a place in my mind where I really want to be close to him. I guess what I'm trying to say is that for me and I think a lot of women, there is more that plays into my desire than just the physical aspect of sex.
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#284160 - 12/09/04 01:15 AM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Let's see, got up this AM, husband in shower (awake before me, a miracle). I had to get the teenager up, no easy feat. Husband didn't do a thing to help. Went downstairs to start crock pot dinner for tonight. Got dressed, dinner started, kid up and to the bus. Drove 10 miles thru orange barrels, 1 lane surface streets, freeway even worse. Got downtown, more construction, 1 lane, late for work. At work boss calls and says, fed examiners in town and want to talk to you tomorrow, get a presentation together! Leave work, get kid at school, go get oil changed in car (husband has never maintained my cars), put air in tires for drive tomorrow, (have a slow leak that I haven't had time to fixed). Get home, start laundery, finish dinner prep. Husband is home helping neighbor put lights on outdoor shrubs. I've always decorated alone because he didn't care. He never helped me string outside lights, or take them down, he's never decorated the tree! Had dinner, rushed to get kid to religious ed, (husband thinks organized religion is not necessary, believes more eastern philosophy). Stop to put gas in car and pick up a couple of things. Husband hasn't thought to help clean up kitchen and put left overs away. Get home and there is a message on the answering machine. I ask who called, he says "I don't know", it was the kid saying don't pick him up at 7:30 wait till 8:15. Thank goodness I saw the light flashing since dad was too busy watching TV. Still doing laundry and needed to shower for tomorrow. And do I want to have sex? NO. I still have to finish the kitchen, dry the hair and pick up the kid. But he really really thinks that he contributes to the housework!!!!!!!!!!!
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#284161 - 12/09/04 02:58 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Let's see, got up this AM, husband in shower (awake before me, a miracle). I had to get the teenager up, no easy feat. Husband didn't do a thing to help. Went downstairs to start crock pot dinner for tonight. Got dressed, dinner started, kid up and to the bus. Drove 10 miles thru orange barrels, 1 lane surface streets, freeway even worse. Got downtown, more construction, 1 lane, late for work. At work boss calls and says, fed examiners in town and want to talk to you tomorrow, get a presentation together! Leave work, get kid at school, go get oil changed in car (husband has never maintained my cars), put air in tires for drive tomorrow, (have a slow leak that I haven't had time to fixed). Get home, start laundery, finish dinner prep. Husband is home helping neighbor put lights on outdoor shrubs. I've always decorated alone because he didn't care. He never helped me string outside lights, or take them down, he's never decorated the tree! Had dinner, rushed to get kid to religious ed, (husband thinks organized religion is not necessary, believes more eastern philosophy). Stop to put gas in car and pick up a couple of things. Husband hasn't thought to help clean up kitchen and put left overs away. Get home and there is a message on the answering machine. I ask who called, he says "I don't know", it was the kid saying don't pick him up at 7:30 wait till 8:15. Thank goodness I saw the light flashing since dad was too busy watching TV. Still doing laundry and needed to shower for tomorrow. And do I want to have sex? NO. I still have to finish the kitchen, dry the hair and pick up the kid. But he really really thinks that he contributes to the housework!!!!!!!!!!!
Original Poster here. You need to upgrade to a better husband. I feel sorry for mine know because I don't want to have sex and he's much more helpful then yours. Maybe I should give him a break and give it up. I would trade husbands if I were you. You have lots of reason not to want to have sex with him.
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#284162 - 12/09/04 09:37 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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M wife is 35, I'm 55. I may be tired but I'm happy. Just tell her how much you love her everyday, and how much you appreciate all the things she does and be a good listener and you will get lotsa love in return--anon
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#284163 - 12/13/04 07:33 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Quote:
Let's see, got up this AM, husband in shower (awake before me, a miracle). I had to get the teenager up, no easy feat. Husband didn't do a thing to help. Went downstairs to start crock pot dinner for tonight. Got dressed, dinner started, kid up and to the bus. Drove 10 miles thru orange barrels, 1 lane surface streets, freeway even worse. Got downtown, more construction, 1 lane, late for work. At work boss calls and says, fed examiners in town and want to talk to you tomorrow, get a presentation together! Leave work, get kid at school, go get oil changed in car (husband has never maintained my cars), put air in tires for drive tomorrow, (have a slow leak that I haven't had time to fixed). Get home, start laundery, finish dinner prep. Husband is home helping neighbor put lights on outdoor shrubs. I've always decorated alone because he didn't care. He never helped me string outside lights, or take them down, he's never decorated the tree! Had dinner, rushed to get kid to religious ed, (husband thinks organized religion is not necessary, believes more eastern philosophy). Stop to put gas in car and pick up a couple of things. Husband hasn't thought to help clean up kitchen and put left overs away. Get home and there is a message on the answering machine. I ask who called, he says "I don't know", it was the kid saying don't pick him up at 7:30 wait till 8:15. Thank goodness I saw the light flashing since dad was too busy watching TV. Still doing laundry and needed to shower for tomorrow. And do I want to have sex? NO. I still have to finish the kitchen, dry the hair and pick up the kid. But he really really thinks that he contributes to the housework!!!!!!!!!!!
Original Poster here. You need to upgrade to a better husband. I feel sorry for mine know because I don't want to have sex and he's much more helpful then yours. Maybe I should give him a break and give it up. I would trade husbands if I were you. You have lots of reason not to want to have sex with him.
I do have a friend who has sex with her husband like clockwork twice a week, whether she feels like it or not. She said that she was tired of fighting about it and too realized that for him it was in many cases and a very physical need and she realized that it wasn't fair for them to only have sex when she felt like it. She said he is a much happier man and they never fight anymore about sex.
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#284164 - 12/13/04 07:33 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Quote:
Let's see, got up this AM, husband in shower (awake before me, a miracle). I had to get the teenager up, no easy feat. Husband didn't do a thing to help. Went downstairs to start crock pot dinner for tonight. Got dressed, dinner started, kid up and to the bus. Drove 10 miles thru orange barrels, 1 lane surface streets, freeway even worse. Got downtown, more construction, 1 lane, late for work. At work boss calls and says, fed examiners in town and want to talk to you tomorrow, get a presentation together! Leave work, get kid at school, go get oil changed in car (husband has never maintained my cars), put air in tires for drive tomorrow, (have a slow leak that I haven't had time to fixed). Get home, start laundery, finish dinner prep. Husband is home helping neighbor put lights on outdoor shrubs. I've always decorated alone because he didn't care. He never helped me string outside lights, or take them down, he's never decorated the tree! Had dinner, rushed to get kid to religious ed, (husband thinks organized religion is not necessary, believes more eastern philosophy). Stop to put gas in car and pick up a couple of things. Husband hasn't thought to help clean up kitchen and put left overs away. Get home and there is a message on the answering machine. I ask who called, he says "I don't know", it was the kid saying don't pick him up at 7:30 wait till 8:15. Thank goodness I saw the light flashing since dad was too busy watching TV. Still doing laundry and needed to shower for tomorrow. And do I want to have sex? NO. I still have to finish the kitchen, dry the hair and pick up the kid. But he really really thinks that he contributes to the housework!!!!!!!!!!!
Original Poster here. You need to upgrade to a better husband. I feel sorry for mine know because I don't want to have sex and he's much more helpful then yours. Maybe I should give him a break and give it up. I would trade husbands if I were you. You have lots of reason not to want to have sex with him.
I do have a friend who has sex with her husband like clockwork twice a week, whether she feels like it or not. She said that she was tired of fighting about it and too realized that for him it was in many cases and a very physical need and she realized that it wasn't fair for them to only have sex when she felt like it. She said he is a much happier man and they never fight anymore about sex.
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#284165 - 12/13/04 09:54 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Original poster here. Well, my husband can't complain to much now. I just found out that I am pregnant with our second child. So he wasn't as deprived as he might have thought.
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#284166 - 12/13/04 10:50 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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#284168 - 12/14/04 04:16 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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My significant other has turned into a cold fish and I'm at the end of my rope. I'm seriously contemplating moving on. My needs are not being met, and I'm sure neither are hers..
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#284169 - 12/14/04 04:30 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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100 Club
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 133
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Quote:
i'll post under my "name" but if any one ever tells my husband, you'll get it!
in our house it's the opposite, i have always been more "driven" shall we say. my husband is far more content with once every two weeks or so. and while i don't mind, it justs makes me worry that it's not normal for him, that he really wants it more but not from me and all kinds of other irrational thoughts that bog down my brain so that when he is in the mood i'm so "freaked out" that i'm not. i am his "first" and so i guess i wonder if he wonders about what else is out there. But i know that he loves me and for the record i also know that i'm crazy!
RELAX!! I am a man in the same boat. When my wife and I got married we had sex all the time. I eventually (couple of years) got to the point where it just is not as important to me as time with my wife. I would rather lie together in bed most of the time. I spoke about it to my doctor and he said it really isn't all that abnormal considering I don't have fantasies about other women or anything. My wife is my one and only partner and I don't really wonder what it would be like with someone else.
Then, to top it off, 18 months ago I was put on a medication that is known to decrease sex drive. I have WORK to want to have sex. Everything functions normally physically, I'm just not that interested. We went 3 months without sex until my wife pointed it out. She was worried like you. No we have an understanding that if she is in the mood she has to try hard to help get me in the mood and I have to let her for 10 minutes. After that, if I am still not interested she is usually tired of trying anyway. It has worked pretty well. We have sex more often, she doesn't worry about me and other women, and we have a loving marriage neither of us would trade for anything.
_________________________
By your command.
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#284170 - 12/14/04 04:42 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Congrats! You do know that studies show that sex while you are pregnant is healthier than going without righT?!
(Leave it to a man to know this fact!)
Original Poster. Oh don't I know. During my first pregancy I thought my husband was going to explode with hormones. I really think he found me sexier when I was carring his child. I had to push him away at times.
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#284171 - 12/14/04 06:25 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Power Poster
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,990
Cincinnati, OH
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Quote:
Quote:
Congrats! You do know that studies show that sex while you are pregnant is healthier than going without righT?!
(Leave it to a man to know this fact!)
Original Poster. Oh don't I know. During my first pregancy I thought my husband was going to explode with hormones. I really think he found me sexier when I was carring his child. I had to push him away at times.
Go figure, when women start to gain weight and plump up because they are pregnant it's "sexy" to many men.... But if they just plump up, it's not to the same men!
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#284172 - 12/14/04 09:55 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
[It] eventually got to the point where it just is not as important to me as time with my wife. I would rather lie together in bed most of the time. I spoke about it to my doctor and he said it really isn't all that abnormal considering I don't have fantasies about other women or anything. My wife is my one and only partner and I don't really wonder what it would be like with someone else.
Everything functions normally physically, I'm just not that interested. We went 3 months without sex until my wife pointed it out. She was worried like you. No we have an understanding that if she is in the mood she has to try hard to help get me in the mood and I have to let her for 10 minutes. After that, if I am still not interested she is usually tired of trying anyway. It has worked pretty well. We have sex more often, she doesn't worry about me and other women, and we have a loving marriage neither of us would trade for anything.
Start up the Buick, get the white shoes and leisure suits, and head to Florida!
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#284173 - 12/24/04 06:40 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Do you think it is normal at 26 not to have much of a sex drive although I am married and a female. I do have one child but this has been going on since I was like 19-20 years old.
At 51 I find I have plenty of drive but still occasionally need directions!
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#284174 - 01/03/05 09:36 PM
Re: Sexual Drive
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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My wife’s reaction to anything romantic, or helping out around the house without her asking me to do it first leads to her saying “You’re just trying to get lucky” which is a total turnoff when she says that. I still do these things though, because the little things do make a big difference in how great we get along otherwise.
But it annoys me that she treats it like it’s always JUST a physical thing with me. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. But it’s like, if its physical, its wrong.
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