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#323902 - 03/02/05 10:44 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

I got to laughing so hard at this that I ended up passing gas.

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#323903 - 03/03/05 12:03 AM Re: Mystery Odors
thomasj Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 5,063
Pennsylvania
We all can laugh at this, but I have seen this problem more than once. Many years ago we had a young man whose cube was adjacent to several ladies. His diet consisted of venison spagetti (three meals a day) and beer. His gas could peel the paint off the wall and he found a great deal of enjoyment out of making his cubical neighbors ill. As funny as it sounds now, it was a legitimate problem that had to be addressed by his supervisor. Thankfully, this young man found his true calling as a gas station attendent where I am sure he offended far fewer people.
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#323904 - 03/03/05 02:05 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

Quote:

Here's a thought. I solve a lot of issues in my department using humor. Just walk right though the area and say "Good Lord! Who ate Possum for lunch?"




OMG - that line was so funny!




I 've had possum before and it never gave me gas! It must be the beans you are it with the o'possum!

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#323905 - 03/03/05 02:54 PM Re: Mystery Odors
beaten blind Offline
Gold Star
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 473
the Bat Cave
Quote:

Quote:

Check your employee handbook




Yes, it's right here on page 3...Minor gaseous explosions eminating from between the buttocks is strictly forbidden unless done within the confines of the restroom. However, those employees who have a private office may, at their discretion, have said minor gaseous explosions within the confines of said office if the door is closed. Those employees found to be violating this policy will be discplined, up to and including termination. In the event that the minor gaseous explosion is odiforous but silent, management will use their best discretion to determine which employee should be disciplined for the transgression...




...It is the general policy of this institution that the "first to detect is the first suspect."

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#323906 - 03/03/05 02:55 PM Re: Mystery Odors
HappyGilmore Offline
10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,844
Pulling people out of the ditc...
without a dount, this is the most amusing thread I've seen to date. I know it was not intended to be humoress, but every time I read this I just keep laughing.
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#323907 - 03/03/05 02:57 PM Re: Mystery Odors
KSK Offline
Gold Star
KSK
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 357
Kansas
I used to work periodically with a guy (he was a State Bank Examiner and I was a Fed) that would burp and fart and belch almost continuously throughout the day. The man was disgusting. Then as if that wasn't enough when he drank his coffee he would slurp it as well.

Not once did he acknowledge his periodic expulsions

I was so thoroughly disgusted one day I finally told him that I was raised to excuse myself when I was incapable of controlling my bodily functions in the company of others and that I expected nothing less from him.

It made me feel better having said something, but it did nothing to change his habits. I did however manage to convince the FOS that I really didn't need to be assigned to joint exams with the State when he was going to be there.

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#323908 - 03/03/05 03:29 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Brandy Osborne Offline
Platinum Poster
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 660
KY
I have to admit I have not laughed this hard in sometime... I know it can be a problem but when is farting not funny!
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#323909 - 03/03/05 04:12 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

...It is the general policy of this institution that the "first to detect is the first suspect."




So, "He who smelt it, dealt it?"

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#323910 - 03/03/05 05:03 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

Anonymous for obvious reasons: at my last job, I managed a team of 6 people. One of them, "Bob" farted constantly. You could always tell when he farted, because he'd get up and go for a walk around the office until it dissipated. His next-door cube neighbor, "Anna" used to keep a can of air freshener on her desk. When he'd get up and walk away, she'd make a big show of spraying the air while yelling, "Oh my god! The stench is horrible!"

That didn't phase Bob. Anna complained to me, and I gave the generic, "no offensive odors at your desk, please" speech. Even HR's reaction was, "Well, good luck!"

Finally, one day, I'd had something rather, um, gas-producing, for lunch. I let a nasty fart go that made MY eyes water. I walked over to Anna's desk, snagged her air freshener, sprayed it around my cube, and announced in a very loud voice, "I am very sorry for what I have just unleashed upon you. Please forgive me."

He got the hint. He'd get up and fart elsewhere.

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#323911 - 03/03/05 05:11 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Peepers Offline
10K Club
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,994
Quote:

Quote:

Check your employee handbook




Yes, it's right here on page 3...Minor gaseous explosions eminating from between the buttocks is strictly forbidden unless done within the confines of the restroom. However, those employees who have a private office may, at their discretion, have said minor gaseous explosions within the confines of said office if the door is closed. Those employees found to be violating this policy will be discplined, up to and including termination. In the event that the minor gaseous explosion is odiforous but silent, management will use their best discretion to determine which employee should be disciplined for the transgression...




Hmmmm, this sounds a lot like our policy, however, ours ends with the statement "there shall be no pulling of fingers"
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#323912 - 03/03/05 05:19 PM Re: Mystery Odors
slick Offline
Power Poster
slick
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,030
somewhere out there
Quote:

I can solve this right now. Give me his phone number and I'll call him anonymously and tell him to cut it out!! That'll be the end of Mr. Poopy Pants!!




Funny, Funny, Funny!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, give us a name and number. I would be more than happy to take care of the situation. This is too good!
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it ain't over til it's over...

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#323913 - 03/03/05 06:26 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Beagles22 Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,626
State of confusion
OMG you guys are killing me! I just can't imagine, one day I had the hiccups at my desk all day, and my boss came out and told me to go home until I could get it under control. They were very quiet, and still I was sent home. I can't imagine what he would do if I sat there and farted. Maybe I should go have some possom, venison spaghetti, and beer and just see what happens. Maybe I could get a 3 day weekend out of it!
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#323914 - 03/03/05 07:11 PM Re: Mystery Odors
beaten blind Offline
Gold Star
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 473
the Bat Cave
Quote:

Maybe I should go have some possom, venison spaghetti, and beer and just see what happens. Maybe I could get a 3 day weekend out of it!




STOP!!! I'm sitting here crying with laughter and my department is looking at me as though I've lost my mind! Oh, geeze, my side hurts!

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#323915 - 03/03/05 07:35 PM Re: Mystery Odors
HappyGilmore Offline
10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,844
Pulling people out of the ditc...
I can see it now...Ms. Beagle Queen, it says here on your unemployment application that you were terminated for hiccups and puuping (we all know women don't fart, they puup)...I'm going to deny this application for unemployment, and also I'll be notifying the proper authorities to prosecute for attemmpted unemployment fraud. Companies don't terminate for this.
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Providing alternative truths since the invention of time

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#323916 - 03/03/05 07:55 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

I would assume that lighting the farts would be totally unacceptable as well.

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#323917 - 03/03/05 07:55 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

Leave a bottle of Beano on the offender's desk.

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#323918 - 03/03/05 08:10 PM Re: Mystery Odors
beaten blind Offline
Gold Star
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 473
the Bat Cave
Quote:

I would assume that lighting the farts would be totally unacceptable as well.





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#323919 - 03/03/05 08:18 PM Re: Mystery Odors
TB 12 Offline
Power Poster
TB 12
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,559
Foxboro
FIRE IN THE HOLE......
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#323920 - 03/03/05 08:23 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

The Blue Flamers. What movie was that?

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#323921 - 03/04/05 08:22 AM Re: Mystery Odors
Citrus Offline
Diamond Poster
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,139
Quote:

(we all know women don't fart, they puup)




puup???

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#323922 - 03/04/05 02:03 PM Re: Mystery Odors
HappyGilmore Offline
10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,844
Pulling people out of the ditc...
like poop, but with u...think pup with an extra u.
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Providing alternative truths since the invention of time

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#323923 - 03/04/05 02:59 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

Are you sure he didn't shart? Anyone that saw Along Came Polly will get that one.

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#323924 - 03/04/05 04:26 PM Re: Mystery Odors
deppfan Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 5,184
All over the map.
Quote:

The Blue Flamers. What movie was that?




Point Break?
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#323925 - 03/04/05 04:59 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Princess Leia Offline
Diamond Poster
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,975
Alderaan
OMG, I finally got around to reading this thread. I'm laughing so hard, I have tears rolling down my cheaks & am nearly choking. Someone, put on the "Close the Door" warning

I feel like I'm in a conversation with my 9 year old son & his friends . . . all of whom find great humor in stink and the sounds of bodily functions
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#323926 - 03/04/05 05:36 PM Re: Mystery Odors
Anonymous
Unregistered

It's the fart game, you'll play it someday.

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