Telemarketer Fun

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
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Another fun thing to do is give the phone to your 2 year old. That is quite funny.

And to think...I signed up for the National Do Not Call List. Look at what I'm missing!

I heard that they will be supplying cell phone numbers to the telemarketers within the next 3-6 months. So you would have to put that number on a DNC list too. Anyone know if this is true?

I heard that...I gave the DNC list my cell phone number and e-mail address. I still get spammed all the time though.

False - see this: Cell Phone Registry

There is a guy named Tom Mabe who has a CD called "Revenge on the Telemarketers" which is hilarious!!! They call him and he tapes the calls, while turning the tables on them. www.tommabe.com

I know that this may be cruel, but, I have replied to telemarketers who have asked for my wife with, "Why in God's name do you keep calling, I have told you people that she died three weeks ago. It's bad enough without having someone call and ask for her. Take her name and number off your list, right now!"

I had one guy apologizing over and over and swearing he would never call again.

Seadevil

My name is apparently not that easy to pronounce. If the caller doesn't get it exactly right, I tell them that no one by that name lives here (which is true!! ). They apologize and hang up! Works every time!

That DNC registry works better though. What a nice change in the evenings!

When a newspaper called once trying to get us to subscribe, my husband told them that he couldn't read. The person on the other end actually laughed to which my husband responded, "I don't think its funny! I'm taking classes at night trying to better myself, and I don't think you should be laughing at me for not being able to read." The person hung up and the newspaper never called back.

I just say no thank you in a nice voice. After all they're usually just kids or Indians who are only doing it for a paycheck. They hate calling you just as much as you hate getting those calls.

I usually let my son answer the phone, and if it isn't someone he knows, it is generally hysterical to listen to him grill the telemarketer.
One time, he told them I was in the bathroom, and could he take their number?

Do you ever get the calls that think your number is a fax number? That gets annoying as heck especially when the calls come between midnight and three in the morning-and you answer the phone to a high pitch squawking sound so now when those varmints ring I answer the phone and let it sit there until I go to work- someone says it messes up their automatic program to keep your phone off the hook after answering- I don't care what it does- I keep it off the hook so they won't be ringing me again.