How about your best bank jokes? Here is one to get you started.

A frog walks into a bank and sits at Patty Black's desk. He asks for a loan. Patty Black says I would be more than happy to give you a loan if you have some collateral. The frog places a small statue on her desk and says this is all I have. Patty doesn't know what to think so she gets her supervisor to come over. "I ask him for collateral and this is all he has, I don't even know what it is." The supervisor picks up the statue and says "It's a Knick Knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"

Have fun, and have a great weekend!

What a great idea!

Five signs that maybe your bank isn't on the level:

1) The bank president was once the President of Enronn

2) All the bank tellers are wearing I'm with stupid T-shirts

3) When you open a new account, they give you a set of dishes that say, "Property of the Hotel Marriott"

4) When cashing a check, instead of dollars they give you handfuls of smooth pebbles

5) They give you personal check with the words "insufficient funds" pre-stamped on the front.

Oh wait, I had one more in my email

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral.

"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.

The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest."

The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away.

"Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow?

The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40

(I'm trying to figure out how to write that up as a CRA Community Development Deal...there must be something there....)

Sorry guys and gals, I just read on CNN about the bank robbery in Norfolk, Nebraska, where three of our collegues were killed for no apparent reason and one bank customer.
Let's all take a minute to reflect on how lucky we are and maybe take time out of our busy schedule to pay a little respect to our fallen bank collegues.
RIP-

You are right anon- that is a very tragic situation. Ken Holmes has started a memorial thread in the Security forum.

Customer: "Why did you freeze my account?"
Bank manager: "We hope to someday find a cure for what's wrong with it."

I emailed this to everyone at my bank. Funny, very Funny!!!

Customer, "My scenic checks are blurred."
Bank Manager, "That's okay, the way they bounce around no one gets a good look at them."

I cannot believe this has happen. You think "never me" and then find out those who work in the same field lost there life's, for what, money. Money can be replaced..you cannot. May we take a moment to reflect what we are here for, and to ask that comfort come to the families left behind on such a tragic event.

Tina A Sweet-Williams
AVP Compliance, CCBCO & CRA Officer
mailto:tsweet@goldcountrynb.com

I had heard the same joke about the Rolls Royce, but in the version I heard, it was a blonde gal, and the bankers were snickering over the "dumb blonde" who would put up a Rolls Royce as collateral for a $5,000 loan.

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions"

Actually it was posted here a few Friday's back by our friend Vegan2.

How about a poem in place of a joke?

Twas the afternoon before a weekend and all through the office not a creature was stirring, not even a boss.
In anticipation of the weekend, the desk was cleaned off with haste as there was not much time to waste........
Compliance issues were all neatly packed away with a promise to address another day.....................
Then out of the "blue" it comes with a callous call, the CIP rules reminder on your Outlook calendar!

Happy weekend to all and to all a goodnight!

I think you need some work on that rhyme-ology!

Hey, pretty good considering that I'm about brain-dead from CIP! Also, all poems don't ryme.....anyway, back to what I know best......Compliance. (couldn't make it as a poet!)

here's a personal favorite of mine:

what's the difference between a terrorist and an auditor?

YOU CAN NEGOTIATE WITH A TERRORIST!!!!

HEY!!!

That is just not nice!

Whoever said we bankers had to be nice???

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready.

"I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others", he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.

"See, here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!", says the doorman. "that's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"

"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!", says the doorman. "that's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"

Suddenly, another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80." Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"

Good one, Dawn

A biologist, an engineer, and an accountant are sitting on a porch, and they see two people enter the house across the street. The observe and note among themselves that two people just entered the house. A little while later, three people leave the house, and they start discussing how this could be possible.
"Perhaps our initial calculations were off" says the engineer.
The biologist adds "Or they could have multiplied!"
They turn to the accountant, who still seems lost in thought. Without taking his eyes off the house, he says "You know, if exactly one person enters that house it will be empty again."

I'm nor saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the teller to check my balance....he leaned over and pushed me.

I've got a desk drawer full of these...I'm not sure if my friends think they're true and are just testing my IQ by sending them...of if they think they're funny:

Two bankers were walking in the woods when they spotted some tracks. "Those are bear tracks" said the first. "No those are moose tracks" said the other. "Bear Tracks!" "Moose tracks!" "BEAR TRACKS" "MOOSE TRACKS!" They argued for over an hour. And it would have gone on like that all day if a train hadn't come along and killed them both.

Want to get back at your bank? Put a six pound salmon in your safe deposit box and go on a three month vacation. (this has actually happened to me....only they put it in the drive through shoot on a HOT weekend)

These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:

"Help me, ladies! I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"

The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!"

In reply to:

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(this has actually happened to me....only they put it in the drive through shoot on a HOT weekend)

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Dawnie - my apologies but I just couldn't resist. Since your bank is in Alaska, do you require your drive-through customers to pass a marksmanship test before they can deposit?


(Or did you mean drive-through "chute")

Oh goodness! I didn't catch that! How funny! Actually, just like in Texas, all of our clients are packing some sort of concealed weapon, so "shoot" might be appropriate

Spelling always gets me in trouble. My first big commercial loan write-up was about a sprinkler system being installed on a golf course. I was so impressed with myself for finishing the complex write up for a very difficult deal and sent it off...only to learn that the underwriters were passing it around the next day cracking up about an error I'd made.

I explained the many "faucets" of the loan on the sprinkler system, instead of the many "facets".

They approved the million dollar deal, and sent me a faucet with the loan docs

Live and learn....(some day I'll learn I hope) LOL

Hey Bonnie, maybe their terminology is just a little different in Alaska as in Alabama. For instance a paper bag is sometimes called a paper "sack" or "poke"