But that's not how we did it at the other bank...

"But isn't that the reason Reg Z has those built-in tolerances? So we can mess this stuff up safely?"

and the really BIG one..........It's not my fault..

and another big on....it's not my job....

or my personal favorite...."are you mad because a house fell on your sister?"

"I'll be with you just as soon as I finish this game of Minesweep."

"Hey, I just got the news from MBG that I had the most posts in the BOL Watercooler this year."

It's bank policy...

"Do you have a second? Yes, but just one second, not two or ten...ONE! Times up!"

"You can't fix stupid"

"Your recommendation will add five seconds to our processing time."

(smack on the behind) are you looking for a quick promotion?

You got a break when we hired you...(responding to request for a break)

"What is it that you do exactly?"

Many of us have probably seen this before, but I just ran across it when cleaning up some files around my PC and thought it was on point here...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Whose Fault?

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be a compliance officer" says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a loan officer."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

"Nobody trained me or showed me how to do this"...........5 min after you get done training them how to do it....grrr!!!

Not really a phrase....but another thing I love to hear!
LO says: "I was just at a seminar and they brought up (insert regulation change which occurred in the past 12 months). I thought I should pass this on to you...have you heard of this?"
CO Reply: "Here is a copy of the memo I sent out 6 months ago detailing that subject. And explaining our procedures to deal with it."

Are we putting cover letters on all TPS reports?

Another favorite....."we were never told how to do that"....

I wish you were never born. And your monthly report stinks too!

Jennifer-you hit the nail on the head-that kills me...
LO's also have a tendency to be able to quote any regulation/guideline when they need to, but seem to forget them or have never heard of them when it goes against what they are pushing!!!!!!!!