Joe gets in a huge fight with the wife-he storms out of the house and heads to the local watering hole.
He gets so drunk, he pukes all over himself. "Damn" he yells. Guy sitting next to him asks whats wrong. Joe says "My wife is already really mad at me-if i go home with vomit on my shirt, she will be even more ticked."
The guy next to him asks if he has a $20 bill. "Sure do-why". The guy says "Put the $20 in your shirt pocket-when you get home, tell the wife the guy sitting to your right at the bar got sick on you, and he gave you $20 to have it cleaned".
Joe thinks about it and says-"thats brilliant..." and kept drinking.

Joe stumbles in the house around 4 am and the wife, as expected is furious. "WHat the hell happened to your shirt?" she screamed at him. Joe smiles and pulls 2 $20 bills from his shirt pocket and says-"the guy sitting to my right got sick on me, and he gave me $20 to have it cleaned." She looks at him and says "OK, but what is the other $20 bill for? He pauses for a second and says "the guy sitting to my left crapped in my pants".

LOL... that's disgusting.

LOL

Two guys were at the bar and got hammered one night. The next day at work the first guys was looking sad and embarrased. The second guys asked what the problem was. "Didn't you have a good time last night" second man asked? "Sure I did" responded the first guy, "but when I got home I blew chunks."

"So what" Second guys said, "Lots of people throw-up after drinking too much." The first guys looks at the second guy with sad eyes "No you don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

Happy Friday

LOL... that's sick.

The same thing happened to me last week!

Which one Anon?

I see that now. It was a joke. I'm not married. But my dog is just so darn friendly.

And i was worried my joke was "crude"..

*rimshot*

A cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bullfight this morning. A delicacy!"

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bullfight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

LOLOL

X-you kill me.

MORE COW BELL

x: how can a funny person like yourself be such a stuffy-shirted conservative?

That was the funniest joke of the day!!!
LOL... I almost spit my dr. pepper all over my computer.

So a duck walks into the drugstore to buy a pack of condoms. He places them on the counter and the clerk asks, "Should I put these on your bill?", to which the duck replies, "What kind of duck do you think I am?!".

The clerk says, "That will be $5.25 with tax." The duck says, "Gee, I thought you rolled them on."