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#391454 - 07/28/05 03:48 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Anonymous
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Quote:
Pixie, if you wait until you are "ready" to have children, chances are you good never will. No one is ready to have their life turned totally upside down. Parenting well requires a complete re-ordering of priorities - all you have to do to confirm that is read some of the posts in this thread.
If you want children, you should have them. If you do not want them, I would suggest surgery or celibacy or whatever else you need to do to prevent pregnancy.
Good luck.
I am not sure I agree with this. I do agree that there will always be reasons to wait a bit, but sometimes those reasons are valid and important. When I was previously married, my wife wanted kids and I kept saying that we were not ready financially. In retrospect, while I think it's vital that you are in some sort of situation where the financial ramifications of having a baby won't kill you, I now realize that I was uncertain of our marriage and I definitely wanted to avoid, if possible, raising a child in an unhappy or broken home. I probably also still needed a bit of growing up, even though I was 30 at the time.
But when I was ready, not only did I remarry a woman who brought along a precious 4 year old girl at the time, but I had to go and have two more babies (both at he same time of course!)
I guess the bottom line for me is that there is not much downside to waiting until you're ready. Sure, for couples where one spouse wants to wait and the other doesn't and then when they are both ready there are medical reasons that prevent it - that is a downside. But even in this case, options exist such as adoption.
My hope would be that babies born/adopted into a family who are ready or semi-ready or unready will be loved as they should. My gut tells me that situations where both parties are ready will provide a special environment for the family as a whole.
All that said, to the topic of the post, it always baffles me when people give others a hard time for not wanting kids.
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#391455 - 07/28/05 05:37 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,455
The Pennant Race
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Nanwa, It's too bad that you and MOML decided not to be parents. I suspect you would have been good ones. The world needs more well-raised kids. Yours clearly would have been.
I am happy that you are pleased with your life - the worst two words in the English language are "what if." I congratulate you on a life well-lived, and wish you many more years to continue.
Michelle, I do agree with that anon who suggested that you develop a thicker skin. His/her comments demonstrated why that is a good idea. I realize it's easier said than done, however.    
Dave, my points are that: one, no one is ever really "ready" to have kids. not even the adjustments of marriage are adequate preparation for the "joys" (a word I choose advisedly; even the lows are highs). Two, it's easy to wait "till we're ready," and suddenly find out that now that you are ready, your body (or your partner's) isn't. I would refer you to my statement above regarding "what if."
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#391456 - 07/28/05 06:23 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,994
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Redsfan I withdraw my previous post ... you don't get it. If you think being annoyed at people is the same as having a thin skin, then we are truly living on a different planet.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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#391457 - 07/28/05 08:16 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Platinum Poster
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 833
Michigan
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Quote:
If you think being annoyed at people is the same as having a thin skin, then we are truly living on a different planet.
Amen. Some people have raised "annoying" to an art form. "Thin skinned" is when things that are not annoying bother you.
Attacking someone's intelligence or integrity without any evidence to support those attacks is annoying. Upbraiding anyone for a personal decision that does not rob anyone of life, liberty or property is self-righeousness run amuk.
The original poster asked an honest question. There is no morally absolute answer to that question so that leaves it to personal preference.
If you want children now, have them now. If you want children later, have them later. If you never want children, don't have any. There is no right or wrong here, there isn't even a better or worse. It's great to tell your own story but the only advice any of us should give on this topic can be summed up in one short phrase: Follow your heart.
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#391459 - 07/29/05 06:07 AM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,272
Where the heart is
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This seems to be the way of it:
When you ar single, people ask if you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend if you're a guy.)
Then - when you have a boyfriend, people ask if you are getting married.
Then - when you get married, people ask when you will be having kids.
Then - when your first baby still has the umbilical stump, people ask when you are having the next one.
HOWEVER - if you already have two kids, and get pregnant again, people then ask, with a shocked expression, How many kids are you going to have?
No one ever seems happy leaving someone the way they are.
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Just sayin'
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#391460 - 07/29/05 11:46 AM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,455
The Pennant Race
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If I don't get it, Michelle, I apologize. I read this: Quote:
Often I am made to feel selfish or like a monster for making this choice. I also hate when very smug people tell me ... "Just wait - you will change your mind." Well, I'm 37 years old and I don't see my mind changing. Why can't people just learn to respect others choices?
And assumed that such remarkes as those you were responding too bothered you. Clearly, I was mistaken.
But since the definition of annoying is troublesome or bothersome, dont the questions/remarks you cited, in fact, bother you?
I would encourage you to read my earlier post about paying less attention to the actions/opinions of people whose opinion should not matter to you. Fewer things will annoy you. And I encourage you to start with me.
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The opinions expressed here are personal and do not represent opinions of my employer.
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#391461 - 07/29/05 12:15 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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Quote:
This seems to be the way of it:
When you ar single, people ask if you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend if you're a guy.)
Then - when you have a boyfriend, people ask if you are getting married.
Then - when you get married, people ask when you will be having kids.
Then - when your first baby still has the umbilical stump, people ask when you are having the next one.
HOWEVER - if you already have two kids, and get pregnant again, people then ask, with a shocked expression, How many kids are you going to have?
No one ever seems happy leaving someone the way they are.
Exactly, Bonnie.
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#391463 - 07/29/05 07:32 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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I married a woman with three children and we got pregnant on our honeymoon. I went from single to 5 dependents in 9 months. Extremely stressful, but that's life.
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#391464 - 07/29/05 09:08 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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Mark, it's perfectly fine not to want children. My sweetie and I planned a wonderful life without children, he's now 40 and I'm 42. I never thought I could have children, and while I did want them when I was young, I wasn't able to have them and moved on to develop a good life without them. I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all, and neither do most of my friends because I'm financially indendent and give really nice shower gifts  And I speak from experience on the "there's no such thing as being ready" for kids. I learned Monday that I am just starting my sixth month of pregnancy  I went from "not possible in my future on Friday" to DAMN WOMAN DIDN'T YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? (No, no symptoms other than a little bloating LOL) We were happy planning our future without, but heck, now we're changing those plans and either way our life will be great. We did discuss (when we thought I was just a couple months pregnant before they did the sonogram) if we should continue the pregnancy. If we both were not committed to this shock we would not have continued, and I would have been ok with continuing our life plans as they were, childless and yacht riding off into the sunset. Since we're both on board, (the pregnancy) we'll just have to wait until boarding school until we get the yacht 
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CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#391466 - 07/29/05 09:25 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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LMAO and I thought I was an idiot Sarah heh heh
My doctor says this is getting more common since they're using the continuious birth control now a days...but still I didn't think it could happen to us LOL who does! I feel much better though...We're freaked out with just a few months to plan where the heck to put a baby room in our grown up house. Gad forbid a few hours notice!
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Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen
CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#391468 - 07/29/05 09:45 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Anonymous
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I'm jealous.  Congrats, Dawnie!
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#391469 - 07/29/05 09:47 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,615
SC
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#391470 - 07/29/05 09:57 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 5,564
Clintonville, WI, USA
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Best wishes Dawnie! My niece went thru the same thing; didn't know she was pregnant until the 6th month. I hope you have a delivery as easy as hers. She got up at 6AM and said, "I feel different. Not alot of pain, but definately different. I think I will take a shower and head over to the hospital just to be on the safe side." By 10 AM she had a healthy baby boy.
Oh, and she had been told she had no chance of ever having kids. So the boy's name is Chance.
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#391471 - 07/29/05 10:19 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Anonymous
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Quote:
Oh, and she had been told she had no chance of ever having kids. So the boy's name is Chance.
That's pretty cool!
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#391473 - 07/29/05 11:21 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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Thanks again all No fears Jim, we're kidding about sailing away on a yacht without the little darling. That does not mean we won't have a yacht but we'll take little Jesse with us. We're excited about being a part of his life so darned excited we're selling the other house in Texas so Jesse Sr can be here more often. Anyone in the market? Have I got a deal for youuuu!!!
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Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen
CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#391475 - 08/01/05 05:57 AM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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E gads Bonnie. Even I would have figured out that the "gas and bloating" was a bit more once the little tike started hauling back and kicking on me And I thought I had too little notice!
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Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen
CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#391477 - 08/01/05 02:04 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,455
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Congratulations, Dawn. I hope all goes well. You will be a great mom. And just think how much better all those bottles of wine in your cellar will taste after the additional aging! Leslie and I will drink a glass to you and Jesse in Vegas this week. Take care.
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The opinions expressed here are personal and do not represent opinions of my employer.
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#391478 - 08/01/05 02:12 PM
Re: Children: To Have or Have Not
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
I learned Monday that I am just starting my sixth month of pregnancy
Congratulations, Dawnie. I wish all the best for you and yours.
-Jokerman
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