Don't "make up a story" of why you can't make the trip this year. They will see through that in a heartbeat and you will catch grief over the lie.

Tell them that you would like to stay home this year. When the objections (guilt) begins, remember these phrases:

"I understand how you could feel that way."
"I hear what you are saying."
"We'll be sure to call on Christmas Day."
"We love you."

Stick to your guns, believe me, next year it will be easier.

First, AML - I LOVE IT! I'm nearly to that point.

I struggle with this every year. The holidays are the worst time of year for me with the family stresses it brings.

Last year we decided that we wanted to start our own traditions as well at our home. However, unless I break that newly created tradition, I'll have to take time off from work to get to my mom's early enough so we can be home for Christmas Eve.

Driving 250 miles with 2 kids in the middle of a Minnesota winter is about as far from the definition of fun as one can get

My parents are divorced, my ex husbands parents are divorced and now we're divorced. My poor kids get drug all over the place during the holidays. Several years ago, before our divorce, I refused to go anywhere on Christmas Day. The weekend before was for my dad, Christmas Eve was for my ex's mom. His dad and my mom come to our house for Christmas Brunch. It was crazy!

Since the divorce I've stuck to it...he takes them to his mom's on Christmas Eve and they wake up at my house on Christmas day. Now my mom and dad are coming to my house for brunch (yes...step mom and mom in the same room). It's working well so far.

As far as presents go I only buy for nieces and nephews and its usually a small gift. I don't buy for siblings anymore...there are too many of us. I have the kids pictures made ever year and give them to the grandparents in very pretty frames. So far so good.

Not to mentione the Aviary Flu PANDEMIC. The family should definitely go to HI; just to be on the safe side.

I believe the children are our future.

We do drive to Minnesota (7 hours one way) because sister in law insists Christmas must be at her house. MOML's folks could not win the arguement with her, so they always went, and MOML wanted to be with his parents, so we had to go. Now, Dad is gone and Ma looks like this might be her last Christmas, she is so weak with cancer and altzheimers, so, this may be the last Christmas traveling. Without the folks around for sister in law to drag into the arguement, I believe MOML will put his foot down. That, or we will go to Florida before Christmas.

I know what you mean about it not being a fun time of year. Sister in law insists we spend $50 per couple and kid for gifts. I can understand the kids, but us couples have more stuff than we can possibly use or store. Then she asks for a list of suggestions. When I suggest giving the $50 to charity, she balks. When I suggest a gift certificate to Wal-mart, or a nice restaurant, she balks. She doesn't consider those gifts. So, whatever she gives me, I take over to Goodwill. That's the only way I can keep from getting angry.

This year, I said we were not doing the $50 thing, that we were giving our Christmas fund to the American Red Cross this year. She said a quick OK, but I have a feeling when we get together later this month, there's going to be an argument. Fine. Let her spend what she wants, but I don't want her telling me how to spend my money.

I feel for you Nanwa. I have a Sister in Law that always dictates what we should spend our money on too. But at least she doesn't tell how much we should spend - yet.

Miss Chee - my ex-sister in law had a different spin on gift giving also. She would ask if you wanted to go in together on a big present for someone, say, for a wedding. But, since you have a higher paying job than she did, you should pay more.

Needless to say, I would decline and get my own gift!

At least we've finally agreed on my hubby's side that we don't have to buy gifts for the adults. We do all still buy for Grandma & Grandpa - usually we all pool $$ and get them something they wouldn't get for themselves.

I think Christmas in both of my families (mine & my inlaws) is awful. There is absolutely no reverence or even discussion about the true meaning. It's a present free-for-all. Not one nephew (my son included) could name what they got last year or from whom. Everything is expected.

Last year we suggested that we spend maybe $10 on a Christmas gift for the kids (we usually put $$ in their savings accounts at Grandma's bank!) and make their birthdays the days to celebrate. My stance (with my own kids too) is that their birthday is THEIR day - Christmas is not. I think one of my SILs has divorced me They had the nerve to call us Scrooges It sickens me to see all the crap that all of these kids get (mine included). For crying out loud, there are people starving in our own back yards.

And, don't even get me started on the reaction I got when I suggested we all work at the soup kitchen as a family on Thanksgiving

I'm already dreading the holidays. I dream of a perfect, wonderful, white (ok, it's usally white here!) Christmas with a loving family. Unfortunately, we're not too popular with the hubby's family and I'm not very close to my mom.

It's a shame what the holidays have done to our family. I don't even want to be around any of them. To be honest, I wouldn't be friends with the majority of these people (my mom included) but have to put on a nicey nice face and put up with their petty crap and abuse because they're family. I really struggle with being the good daughter, wife, DIL, mother, etc. Sometimes moving to a shack Up North with no contact with the outside world sounds appealing

I'm sure a therapist would make a ton off me and all my baggage

But the BOL couch is so much cheaper.

True ... very true

It's like my own Dr. Phil show. I wonder what he'd say. Something to the effect of "get a clue, woman!"

I try to look at the season rather than the day. It helps me cope and feel better. Two months before Christmas, I start volunteering for the church and bank fund raisers. I schedule time to ring bell for the Salvation Army or work on Toys for Tots. All of Advent I immerse myself in the Word. Of course there are the parties with work and friends. My brother and his new wife are a gas! Then, when the actual day comes, I've already had my Christmas, and it has been fun.

I agree that the worst part about the holiday is the gift giving. I believe the word is "gift" not "obligation". So, I try to dwell more on the Christ story, the cards/letters, the carols, the decorations, and the goodwill I receive more from strangers, friends and acquaintenences than from my extended family.

My older brother is great; he's like a kid at the holidays. Just give him some Chirstmas cookies, hot chocolate with the little marshmallows, and a snowball fight, and he's happy!

I'm so thankful I don't have these issues yet. Sorry to hear of all the worries... hopefully everyone will enjoy their holidays this year.. And like one stated already.. at the beginnin before marriage.. I'm discussing where the holidays will be held... and "Our" home sounds just wonderful ... whew.. sometimes being single is a blessing.

A soft way to handle the change...

Send each parent an invitation to an early (or late) holiday celebration (pick your weekend). In the invitation mention that you are not able to traavel this year because you are establishing a new family tradition of Christmas at home for your little one. Be sure to say something about your fond memories of waking up to Santa, blah blah blah, but because it's important to you that the grandparents are involved, you'd still like to see them on the prearranged/invitation date for a special holiday party.

Sure they may not come, but you've made the effort to invite them, which makes whining more difficult for them. Then, when all is said and done, stick to your guns! Christmas memories are precious. Hours in a car aren't exactly the type of thing you want to remember

We're already getting pressure to spend the holidays with ooddles of folks, since we've always done so (either family or friends, depending on where we are). We've very kindly thanked the folks we love for their invite, and told them that we want to spend the holidays at home as a new family.

Sure my mom is disapointed, and since his can't travel, she is too, but we're making time to see them before and after Christmas Day, which is enough for a brand new baby and brand new parents!

Dawnie - y'all DEFINITELY shouldn't be traveling, Baby J will be too young and it's cold & flu season. Too risky!

Leia, you come on down here, we'll have a nice quiet FAMILY-FREE day, with TexMex to boot.

I heart Toys for Tots! OK, really, I just heart Marines in uniform. Yummy!

I think Dallas in the winter would be heavenly. Although, flying with the T-Lady might send me over the edge. Certainly if we drove, we might not all arrive if ya know what I mean

I received THE email this morning from the SIL that freaked when I suggested a soup kitchen & called us a Scrooge last year. She wants to know what we're doing for Thanksgiving & Christmas this year. Would it be bad to send back an "out of the office" email?? She must have sensed that I was starting to stress about it

Princess, maybe she reads the threads...

Leia, you also have my permission to answer the phone with "I'm not here right now, please leave a message after the beep.....BEEP!" And maybe you want to rethink coming down, Gymboree always does a nice Day-after-Thanksgiving sale.......

EGB, are you sure you're not the devil girl?? Tempting me with time away from family, warm weather and Gymboree ...

I'll also just casually mention we have approximately 14 Gymboree stores within one hour of my house, 5 good consignment stores where we find great deals on gently used Gymboree, and we're 4 hours from the GYMBOREE OUTLET.

What time shall I expect you????

I'm coming too!!!!!

There's a Gymboree outlet store in Dallas?!!