1. Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow
pasture."

2. Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice
round
of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf."

3. Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my
ex-wives. Both of them
are so rich that neither of their husbands work."

4 Unknown . "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously
devised by
a man torn with guilt,
eager to atone for his sins."

5. Hank Aaron: "It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in
baseball. I
did it in one afternoon
on the golf course."

6. Lee Trevino: "Columbus discovered a new world in 1492. That isn't a
lot
of strokes when you
consider the course."

7. Lee Trevino: "I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew
tomatoes, they'd come
up sliced."

8. Sam Snead: "These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over
the
ball and hit it with
the shadow."

9. Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six,
and
write down five."

10. Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players : "They throw their
clubs backwards, and
that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you
don't
have to walk any
extra distance to pick it back up."

11. Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four
opportunities
to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."

12. Jimmy Demaret: "Golf and sex are about the only things you can
enjoy
without being good at."

13. Jack Lemmon: "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try
picking up
the wrong golf ball."

14. Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and
are
afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."

15. Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man
across a
field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour."

16. John Updike: "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just
how
childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to
count
past five."

17. "Silk Stockings" TV Show: "The people who gave us golf and called
it a
game are the
same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music."

18. Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that
during my last game of golf, I hit two people, a birdie, an elk and a
moose."

19. P.G. Wodehouse: "The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed
short putts because
of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."

20. Bob Hope: "If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside
fast.
If God wants to play through, let him."

21. Ken Harrelson: "In baseball you hit your home run over the
right-field
fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In
golf
everything has got to be right over second base."

22. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "The first time I played the Masters, I was so
nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest
90 of
my life."

23. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "After all these years, it's still embarrassing
for
me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie
for a
sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."

24. Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume,
temperamental, club-
throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot
of
about 155 yards. His caddie said: "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge,
sir." "A 3- iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt. "What kind
of stupid choice is that?" "Those are the only two clubs you have left,
sir." said the caddie.

“I’m through. I’ve had it. I’m done. Cooked. Washed up. Finished. Whatever you want to call it.” --Arnold Palmer, confirming that his 50th Masters would be his last as a competitor.

“It doesn’t suck. I’ll say that.” --Phil Mickelson, when asked at the Masters about playing a major without Tiger Woods in contention.

“Let’s face it, we all got a little carried away.” --David Leadbetter, on how very young golfers like Ty Tryon would have an immediate impact on pro golf.

“Fine, I’m gay. Now let’s go play golf.” --Rosie Jones

“One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.” --bowling legend Don Carter

“If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using an `outside agency’ and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.” --Henry Longhurst

“The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” --George Deukmejian

“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” --Billy Graham

“Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.” --Ben Hogan

“Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance.” --Alistair Cooke

“Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.” --Jack Nicklaus, on why he tees his ball so high

“They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.” --Gardner Dickinson

“I figure practice puts your brains in your muscles.” --Sam Snead

“Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.” --Will Rogers

“It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.” --H.L. Mencken

“I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it.” --Jim Dent

“Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.” --Adlai Stevenson

“It’s not whether you win or lose ...but whether I win or lose.” --Sandy Lyle

“Love and putting are mysteries for the philosopher to solve. Both subjects are beyond golfers.” --Tommy Armour

“Golf is very much like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun. If you do, it breaks your heart.” --Louise Suggs

“Golf gives you an insight into human nature. Your own as well as your opponent’s.” --Grantland Rice

“I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.” --President Gerald Ford

“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and my father.” --Greg Norman

“The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.” --Pete Dye

“If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.” --Sam Snead

“A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.” --Samuel Johnson

“One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot ...the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.” --Peter Jacobsen

“Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.” --Harvey Penick

“Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort.” --Abba Eban

“He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he’s not so certain.” --Peter Aliss

“Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.” --Phil Blackmar

“Actually, the only time I ever took out a 1-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that.” --Jim Murray

“I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.” --Harry Toscano

“The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.” --Michael Green

“The worst club in my bag is my brain.” --Chris Perry

“Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.” --Robin Williams

“I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game ...it’s called an eraser.” --Arnold Palmer

“Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course ...the distance between your ears.” --Bobby Jones

“Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward.” --Ken Venturi, on former SF Chronicle writer Art Rosenbaum

“Golf, like measles, should be caught young.” --P.G. Wodehouse

“Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.” --William Wordsworth

“They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.” --Raymond Floyd

“The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.” --John Updike

“Even God has to practice his putting.” --Ron Salsig to Dave Pelz

“When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It’s left my memory circuits full of scars that won’t heal.” --Mac O’Grady

“Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists.” --Heywood Hale Broun

“Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit?” --George Archer

“Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly 40 years to discover that I can’t play it.” --Ted Ray

“There are two things you can do with your head down ...play golf and pray.” --Lee Trevino

“If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there’s no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV.” --National Lampoon

“Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.” --Rick Reilly

“Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine.” --Jim Murray

“A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole.” --Mac O’Grady

“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” --Bob Hope

“If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.” --Percey Boomer

“The most important shot in golf is the next one.” --Ben Hogan

Pretty good.

"Golf is a good walk spoiled" -- Mark Twain
"Golf is a boring sport for boring people" -- George Carlin

I don't get golf. To me, a sport is something that involves some running and extreme physical activity maybe even physical contact. not riding on little cart.
I know, I will probably hear it about it from you golf lovers. It just seems so lazy and boring.

I agree Slick. I would call it a game, not a sport. I do enjoy it though.

What's the difference between a golf ball and an anniversary present?

A man will spend time looking for a golf ball.

Successful golfers are quite athletic. It's not easy (as Dan mentions) to walk a course in 90 degree temps. In addition, to be successful you need good upper body stregnth as well as agility to be able to hit a significant shot off the tee. And if you think hitting a shot over a tree, planning on spinning it backwards when it lands so it will roll into a tiny little cup on nearly flat grass is easy, and requires no athletic ability....you've never played golf and don't have a clue.

Why is it people have to spend time making fun of sports they don't understand? I don't care for tennis much, but I don't think it's "for boring people with no athletic skills".

I'd love to challenge any idiot who thinks golf is easy on the body to play 36 holes with my husband when it's over 90 at the start of the day. When you faint from the heat, or wear your little feet out walking, or start whining about your sore shoulders and wrist, we'll be sure to call you an ambulance....maybe

Everyone has opinions and preferences.. it's what makes this world such a beautiful and yet scary place at times..

Quote:

---

Successful golfers are quite athletic

---

Hmmm...seen Jack Nicklaus at the top of his game? Or John Daly, ever? Arnold Palmer? These guys weren't in shape. I'll join your husband any day for 36, but instead of walking between shots, we should jog.

Anyone remember the show from the late 70s early 80s called Battle of the Superstars? They took the best athlete from each sport and pitted them against one another? The soccer player (Kyle Rote Jr) won 3 years in a row, so they quit inviting soccer players. The golfer finished last every year...

Being able to walk long distances in the heat is not a sport, sorry, if it was, hitchhiking would be a sport as well.

Pitching 3 straight games, 7 innings each, just after getting smacked twice in the ribs by line drives and not even flinching and in 105 degree temps, now that is a sport. Golf is ok, just not a sport. It is a game. And I know it gets hot and they are out there all day walking.
We all have our opinions and I respect all others, this is just mine.

Apparently you haven't seen Jack and Arnold at the top of their games, because when they were at the top, they were in great shape. Daly, when he was in good shape, was also at the top of his game. You can't hit those 300 yd shots without great upper body stregnth.

I laughed out loud at those of you who think watching golf on TV is boring. I used to be one of you. Before I met MOML I thought golf had to be the lamest attempt at a sport ever concocted. Then I met my honey, he taught me how to play and now I am hooked. I even love to watch it on TV! Hah! My how things have changed. If I hadn't ever learned to play, I might still be in the "Golf is boring and especially on TV" category. Not saying that any of you will change your opinions, but give it a shot (no pun intended! ) and see if you still feel the same. It is a fun game that puts you outside with nature and a whole lot of alcohol! What could be better?

I know how to play golf. I just hate it cause of something that really doesn't have anything to do with the game. So I think I just step out of this conversation.

Okay, whether golf is a sport or a game is a really long arguement with good points on both sides... but to say that it requires you to be in shape to ***WALK*** 18 holes is a complete joke to anyone who plays any other sport. In the summer when I used to play high school basketball and even for a couple years afterwards, I would play about 5-7 hours per day in 100+ degree weather (outside of summer the rest of this is the same with the exception of the 100 degree weather), and even then I couldnt hold a candle to the kind of shape that a soccer player would need to be in... So yes, I think I can tell you that walking 18 holes does not require you to be in the type of shape that another sport would... I think even 250-300 pound football linemen could laugh at walking a golf course being tough. That being said though, while I dont think golf requires you to be in good shape for the walking part of it, the kind of distance you need to be able to get when driving a ball does require some physical ability. It also does definately require as much skill as any other sport though, endurance is the only requirement that it lacks and is why it is so popular with older players.

Wash your balls, there filthy

Paul, the average golfer does not need to be in great shape. Nor does my brother in law who plays football once a year on the front lawn But a good golfer does need to be in shape, and the pro's definately need physical agility and endurance to stay on the top of their game.

Anyone who things golf is just about walking the course has not played golf It's the combination of physical requirements that a "good" or "Pro" golfer need that are athletic. My grandfather on the other hand...he's not exactly a physical god but he can enjoy a game of golf. That's one reason it appeals to folks. But my husband can kick his buns when it comes to the long drives because he works on his upper body stregnth. (He has to...his putting is crap) (don't tell I told you!) heh heh

like i said, i didnt say it didnt require physical ability to play golf, i said the walking aspect of it doesnt require physical ability because someone else posted that walking 18 holes required you to be in great shape