1200/month 3 kids

He pays daycare every other week, I pay daycare every other week. Every other Sunday I pick up the boys at 3:15 (he has to be at work at 4), Every other Sunday he picks up the boys from me at 6:15. He pays for the health insurance, but I always take them to the dr. and I always pay the co-pay. Our 3 yr. old is at the dr.s regularly. He buys the clothes, diapers, food, etc for his house, I do the same for mine.
We have a court ordered child support, that he never pays. It's to make up the difference of how much he makes vs. how much I make so that the boys can live in an equally financial home. The boys' dad and I agreed by word of mouth that he won't pay child support. However, if I find myself in a financial bind (ie: I'm short on rent one month) he will help me out. This has never happened.

Raiderette, speaking as an attorney here, I would recommend you set up some other arrangement regarding the child-support payments. You could be screwed. And the court would certainly look at your spoken agreement if push comes to shove. At least keep it in some sort of escrow account where it is available for you to use (according to your needs and current arrangement) and available for him upon your permission (which of course would essentially mirror your oral agreement). The arrangement would effectively be the same but would have some structure to protect you according to the court order without letting the court second-guess your lack of need by refusing to take the money. Feel free to PM me if you would like help or advice. I warn you ahead of time I am no expert on Family Law but I can "walk the walk and talk the talk" (I know some family law and i am lawyer who knows the process and analysis required here but not the technical restraints).

As far as the other comment, I think it was sarcasm but in bad taste considering the seriousness of the thread. (although admittedly I chuckled because I saw the absurdity right away)

Ron Mexico

Ron,
I would never refuse the money and God knows I could use it. The agreement is so that the father and I can remain as cordial as possible for the boys. He gets very angry and says very nasty things about me in front of the boys. In order to get along with him as well as possible I don't enforce the court order. Fighting gets us nowhere and the boys are not as happy.

Well, it is your situation, but the fact that he does what he does in front of the boys only seems to further prove my point. At any rate, the PM invite is on the table should you change your mind.

RM

Raiderette, just as an outside observer, your ex sounds like a jack. My ex and I have a situation where we are cordial and I pay $600/mo. It would be $900 otherwise (I only have our daughter 2 days out of the week). We agreed to this as we wanted to be cordial, but I know if I started badmouthing her to our daughter, we would go to court mighty quick. My point is that your ex should watch what he says especially since you're being so lenient. It seems like you're the only one making an attempt to get along. I would tend to agree with Ron.....for what it's worth.

At some point Raiderette your willingness to let him continue that behavior could come back to haunt you. I don't legalities that would be Ron's thing, but at a certain age can't kids have a say in who they live with? If so, do you know what he is saying about you when he has them? some day he may come for them and they may pick him. My mom and step-dad used to threaten to punish my sister and I by sending us to visit our dad. We didn't know any better or we may have taken them up on the offer. A father's influence means a great deal to young boys, I would hate to see you lose them.

would help any of you if you knew that we were trying to work things out? IE: we are considering buying a house together. We currently do not live together.

So let me get this straight....you're divorced....he's saying bad things about you to your kids.....and you're not only getting back with this guy, but also buying a house with him? Simply speaking, this is not a good idea. Anybody who badmouths me is done. No questions asked....permanently disqualified.

I would enforce the court order and let your boys see that you are not a door mat. When they see their dad getting away with this kind of behavior, they will think that it is OK, and heaven help the women they marry.

If you don't respect yourself, they won't respect you.

Raiderette, it is your life to life as you choose. But why would you want to be with a man that speaks poorly of you in fornt of your kids? My parents divorced when I was 10, we lived with my Dad. My dad never spoke poorly of my mother, but she and her family spoke poorly of him all the time. Guess who I think more highly of???